[dysfunctioned]

Such a cruel affliction. It is a constantly moving target. You can get to feel better, but dont get to use to that. Whoa the target moved. Sometimes I feel like the genetic code delt me was so unfair. I have been productive in my life in spurts, not a constant. I wonder sometimes how I have come this far. Right now seems I have entered into a very unstable time. Everything is out of control. Business, finances, depression, everything

Hello, dysfunctioned. Have you talked to your treatment team about how you are doing?

[dysfunctioned]

I see my pdoc every other week. Have been for two years. He seemed to have been agitated that I was struggling so bad. When I told him that I couldnt afford abilify he put me on resperidone to take befor bedtime. I am still struggling

[dysfunctioned]

Some background:
I have been on atidepressants for some 20 years. Only in the last 3 years have I really taken a look inward at myself. I am 56 year old male. In that 3 years I became divorced from my wife of 27 years. somewhat estranged from my oldest daughter. We do talk / text on occasion. My youngest daughter seems more supportive of me and what I am going through. My current pdoc and I have had weekly visits for two years until recently it as gone to every other week. I am currently on three different meds.
Effexor 150mg
Resperidone 1G
Mirtazapine 30mg
The latter two I take at bedtime as prescribed. I just dont seem to be able to get a balance anylonger. Maybe I have'nt given the meds ampl time to kick in. I have come to the realization that this is a life long illness. I just wish I could get a balance some how

[Gus1234U]

hi Dys,, i wish i could say that there is a cure,, i have found a non-chemical treatment that is working for me,, but each one has to decide what to try,, i'm using a relatively unknown technology called CenterPointe auditory (sound) therapy, , it has brought me a lot of stability, which i surely do appreciate. i was Dx 20 yrs ago, and used the CP for 5 yrs, and am very happy with it,, let me know, if you google it and have questions,, best wishes,, Gus

[dysfunctioned]

How many here can be having an ok day . Then hear certain music, and it send you off into that deep dark hole. Where you cry for no reason

[hayward]

Yes, that does happen for me. Could be a picture, a song, something someone says on the radio, or a fleeting memory. I can go from being okay to being so so sad, completely despondent and not able to stop crying, yet I am not even sure why.

[dysfunctioned]

Originally Posted by hayward

Yes, that does happen for me. Could be a picture, a song, something someone says on the radio, or a fleeting memory. I can go from being okay to being so so sad, completely despondent and not able to stop crying, yet I am not even sure why.

This hhas caused me to not listen to music anymore. Or watch cetain movies. When I get to that dark hole I feel so miserably guilty. Thats the illness talking. So with the meds and all what can we do to snap out of this? What resource can we inact as a failsafe to keep us out of those dark places?

[dysfunctioned]

My daughter just put a picture of her on Face Book of her 2year old BD party. Only to well to remind me of the past and what I threw away. I have hurt everybody around me at some point in their lives. All to clear that I have been a miserable person to the ones I love. I cant go back and un do what I have done in the past. But there is no forgiveness. None. If I get teary around my children they tell me to stop, to not get upset around them. Is that cold hearted, or do they worry I will drag them down to. I find myself apologising when I call someone for having disturbed them. I dont want to bother folks because I suck the life out of everyone around me. My mother told me I needed a dog. I agree but not rigt now . Just adds to more to take care of. So much indecision in my head. I need a break

[hayward]

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad.
The fact is, many of the people you love do not see things the way you do. A lot of that is your insecurity and anxiety and depression talking. We often project and think things are much worse than they really are, because we feel so guilty and sometimes hopeless.

You are doing the best you can at a difficult point in your life. Try not to beat yourself up so much. I'm guessing that your children feel frustrated- not because you are dragging them down, but because they are concerned and don't want you to feel bad.

The best thing you can do for all of you is to take care of yourself as best that you can. ANd let other people care about you.

And, I have to also tell you that my advice is to STAY AWAY FROM FACEBOOK! Really!!

[SophiaG]

Life is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes you're up, other times you're down. Just have to ride out the down-spots I guess. Chronic depression is misery though. No one deserves this affliction.

[ayana95]

[quote=dysfunctioned;1628783]Such a cruel affliction. It is a constantly moving target. You can get to feel better, but dont get to use to that. Whoa the target moved. Sometimes I feel like the genetic code delt me was so unfair. I have been productive in my life in spurts, not a constant. I wonder sometimes how I have come this far. Right now seems I have entered into a very unstable time. Everything is out of control. Business, finances, depression, everything[/quote
It is cruel. Its a fight every day. I am also having a hard time today. Just want to tell you I am here to listen.