[Gently1]

Sleeping 11-12 hours at night, back in bed after morning tasks.
Calling pdoc, and checking in if taking Celexa in PM instead of AM will help.
40mg Celexa for 4 weeks now.

Anyone else feeling what's the point of even trying to do the basics in self care? It is so much effort and energy.

just venting, frustration - thanks for being out there in PC land.

G

[Yesterdays]

Hey

I can understand how you feel. Sometimes I get so frustrated with trying to make myself feel better, and it can seem completely hopeless, and like nothing will ever change no matter how hard I try. It's not easy to feel depressed, and it's not easy to have to keep fighting to make yourself feel better either. It really gets tiring.

I'm not sure what advice I can offer, but I just want to say I can understand. You're not alone in your fight. I think you need to have some kind of motivation, something you look at and say "I'm going to get better for this."

For me it's my future, my career. I want to be a writer. I want to be happy. Everytime I go to see my psychiatrist or therapist and really don't want to talk I think "I will be thankful for this in ten years." And it really does help.

So find that thing that keeps you fighting, everyone has something they're willing to fight for. It might really help you.

[Gently1]

(((Yesterdays)))
Thanks for understanding, your message of hope has me feeling tears of gratitude.
G1

[lavieenrose]

I can empathize with your struggle. The basics of self-care have never felt so arduous, and I've never been so slack with showering, cleaning house, feeding myself, etc. I hope that you feel some improvement, some strength to do what you need to in your healing. Best wishes.

[Gently1]

Thanks for the best wishes, the same to you.
for acceptance
I remind myself- there is time and space for every thing i need to do-
I do feel better than last night, today remembered to feed myself, even a small amount a few times today, to keep the body strong.
it is very hard for me to keep a positive mindful attitude, your support helps.thanks

[lavieenrose]

It is such hard work. I was in such a spin all day today of bad anxiety, restlessness and despair, crying a lot. I kept thinking that I should try to sit, breathe, meditate, play soothing music, something. It was hard to interrupt the spin I was in. I finally took a xanax, the easy way out, but it helped me settle down a bit. I know I'm whipping myself up to a frenzy, but I can't even detect the thoughts that cause it. They're so lightning fast or just under the radar.

[Gently1]

lavieenrose

My doctor said you do not get better if you suffer 3 hours a day.

It was taking me 2-3 hours to decide if I should take the optional clonazpam, now ativan.

Taking the easy way out is the smart way, as I have to learn to pace myself and give myself a day off from 'therapy'.

I am feeling a little better today, and have a message in for my Pdoc to discuss changing Celexa from AM to PM. She normally calls back in the same day.

I have found that those spinning days are so hard to interrupt 'naturally' and even if I get a break, (talking to a friend) it returns full force.

Good for you to break the spin cycle! Hope the rest of your day goes better.
G

Hello, Gently1. I wish you well.

[hayward]

These ideas may sound stupid, but sometimes similar ones work for me- if only temporarily.

I lose focus easily, and can get distracted and carried away with my funks. It is hard to make yourself do things that you know will help.

Maybe you might want to start a list of things, positive or distracting activities- that you can refer to when you are stuck, since when you are in the middle of it it is harder to think clearly. And then just pick one to do- like walk 5 minutes, do deep breathing, do a word puzzle, make a phone call, anything to just change the pace of what you are doing. Who knows, you may even want to continue it!

Once, I set a timer, and every time it went off I forced myself to get up and walk for 5 minutes. Knowing there was an end to it made it easier to start! And at the end of the day, I felt better that I didn't just do nothing. In fact, as I was using up my 5 minutes, I picked up a long the way, and that made me feel better to.

Yes, this is a kind of game playing with yourself, but i think that even simple steps can create movement and change and that is good.

[ayana95]

Lack of motivation... I know all too well. It helps to have someone who cares if you shower and get out of your PJs. Much effort goes into cooking eating and cleaning for me..One accomplishment at a time. I took my morning meds.

[olddaddy]

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with these feelings. Sometimes even doing a small task makes me feel like I have won.

[Gently1]

Originally Posted by hayward

These ideas may sound stupid, but sometimes similar ones work for me- if only temporarily.

I lose focus easily, and can get distracted and carried away with my funks. It is hard to make yourself do things that you know will help.

Maybe you might want to start a list of things, positive or distracting activities- that you can refer to when you are stuck, since when you are in the middle of it it is harder to think clearly. And then just pick one to do- like walk 5 minutes, do deep breathing, do a word puzzle, make a phone call, anything to just change the pace of what you are doing. Who knows, you may even want to continue it!

Once, I set a timer, and every time it went off I forced myself to get up and walk for 5 minutes. Knowing there was an end to it made it easier to start! And at the end of the day, I felt better that I didn't just do nothing. In fact, as I was using up my 5 minutes, I picked up a long the way, and that made me feel better to.

Yes, this is a kind of game playing with yourself, but i think that even simple steps can create movement and change and that is good.

Thanks Hayward,
I have that kind of energy today! I am familar with the timer as a tool from www.flylady.net , and have sticky notes with suggestions so I do not have to think. The other day the prompt for this wishful thinking, was when there were a few days when none of the 'standards' worked, so I guess it means I really needed to rest, I ended catching up on 5 hours of the Nature of Things on Geology. Lap tops and wireless what a great invention. (Today I am out of my bed and back at my desk)
Having the support is wonderful!
G1

[Gently1]

Originally Posted by ayana95

Lack of motivation... I know all too well. It helps to have someone who cares if you shower and get out of your PJs. Much effort goes into cooking eating and cleaning for me..One accomplishment at a time. I took my morning meds.

My cats do not care if I don't shower! But they like to eat.

I rested Saturday but kept fighing the need to rest with should ofs etc that I really did not get any rest. My body yes but not my mind.
As I rested all day yesterday, I have a better level of mood and energy.
So today I made two appointments, and took out the garbage.

I do not know what motivation is any more. Sometime it seems so overwhelming, good thing that I have T, and friends and they keep me going. And instant sharing with others so I know I am not alone.

[Gently1]

Originally Posted by olddaddy

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with these feelings. Sometimes even doing a small task makes me feel like I have won.

Thanks olddaddy,

yes, with the habits aquired with my depressive thinking I do focus a lot on what I can not do

Celebrate the sucesses!
I will put that reminder with my activity sticky notes that are around the house.
G1

[lavieenrose]

Gently1, thanks for your kind supportive words. I'm glad you began to feel a bit better. Today, I actually found some relief after taking part of a capsule of vyvanse, a stimulant. It woke up my brain enough to get a few things done. Being more productive usually raises my mood.

[lavieenrose]

Gently1, thanks for mentioning Nature of Things. I just googled it, hadn't heard about it, being in Massachusetts and found the cbc web site. I love earth science. Also, a question: You mentioned "instant sharing". What is that? I'm sort of a computer neanderthal.

[Gently1]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

Gently1, thanks for mentioning Nature of Things. I just googled it, hadn't heard about it, being in Massachusetts and found the cbc web site. I love earth science. Also, a question: You mentioned "instant sharing". What is that? I'm sort of a computer neanderthal.

Hi,
I just accidently deleted my reply, so I will see if I can do it again.
Did you get time to watch any of the episodes? I am interested in almost anything, and the frustration of not being able to concentrate, remember or even care that I used to have interests; those are the worst; grateful for any times I can get excited about learning again.
If you would like to try some Canadian humor, the Ron James shows has it's moments.

As for instant sharing I was not clear, what I mean is that anytime day or night we can get our feelings or situations out and receive , and we can share our and support back.
My friends have stated and mean that I can call anytime day or night, but
sometimes it is easier to share under a Avatar, to a like minded community.

Previous post, they have stimulants? With my new medication I am ready for bed two hours after I get up, and I am sleeping 11-12 hours a night.
I am getting a call back from my Pdoc tomorrow.

yes it does feel good to do something, I set my timer twice for 7 minutes
take care,

[lavieenrose]

I tried to watch at the CBC web site, but the videos aren't available outside Canada, alas. But, there's a lot of programming on Hulu, youtube, and some other science sites. Yeah, I really need to be on stimulants, like adderall, dextroamphetamine, and the latest, vyvanse. I'm in a total fog most of the time otherwise, anxious and obsessive, no drive.

[Gently1]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

I tried to watch at the CBC web site, but the videos aren't available outside Canada, alas. But, there's a lot of programming on Hulu, youtube, and some other science sites. Yeah, I really need to be on stimulants, like adderall, dextroamphetamine, and the latest, vyvanse. I'm in a total fog most of the time otherwise, anxious and obsessive, no drive.

Yes I know about limited access, I tried to get Dr Who from Great Britain.

My Pdoc is not happy with my lack of energy and so am I would like to have my life back, so I am to lower the Celexa from 40 to 30 for a week and if no improvement, go to 20 and then I see her and she will change again! The drug lottery, better chance at winning a million $.

Today is a stormy day expection a few inches of snow, but the wind will be the challenge a good day to stay indoors.

my favorite link on days like today is http://www.mauicondowebcam.com/
it is dark there now, but seeing waves and water can be relaxing, sometimes you can get the controls to the camera.

Have good day lavineenrose,
G

[lavieenrose]

I hope that lowering celexa gives you some energy. It sucks to be dragging around.

"The drug lottery, better chance at winning a million $"

So true. It's frustrating. Seems they won't discover the treatment I need in my lifetime.

I'll check out the mauicondowebcam. Thanks for the link. Hoping you're well.