[pinkestpink]

I wish i could turn off my brain, I wish i could turn off my feelings. To be numb again.
I can't stop these thoughts. I have had two panic attacks in two days, i haven't had them for a very long time. Its starting like the last time the hospitalized me....
I am so scared they are going to do that again if I start seeing someone again. I can't go back... the first time, a good experience, but at the same time has left me feeling broken and i feel like no one will really accept me. especially if it is brought up in a relationship... i feel like i am crazy and that it is something no one will ever accept.
my future does not feel bright... i am obsessing over it.... i am waiting for the end of the school year to quit my job, but then where do i go from there.... i am making myself so sick. i am supposed to start a college class on wednesday, i am excited about it, but i feel as if i will fail.

nothing is going right. i feel lost and alone. I was standing at work today doing my normal routine, showing my special needs kids... thinking to myself... it doesn't matter, i have nothing or noone in my life... i have been despereatly trying to find my place in this world... i don't think i ever will. it feels as if i am doomed to be alone, and depressed the rest of my life..

I wish i could just be numb...at least it is a way i can function.

[Leed]

Dearheart, you're lonely ~ everyone knows how that feels. And if this person that you saw before hurt you - and the relationship ended badly, PLEASE don't go there again.

You are still incredibly young, and you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do with your life and who you want to spend it with. Right now, you're lonely so you're "thinking" of this other person who is NOT good for you. Don't settle for someone who isn't good for you. You shouldn't have to "settle" at all. Someone will enter your life who is just what you need and want ~ and wouldn't it be awful if you were "stuck" with this other jerk??

I hope you're on an antidepressant ~ if you're not, please talk to your doctor. He can help you. You don't need to suffer like this. Depression is a disease that affects millions of people ~ do something about it and call your doctor. God bless you and take care. Hugs, Lee

[pinkestpink]

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate you support and kind words.
I have reestablished contact with my old T and have an appointment to see a dr to get a referral for a pdoc..I have been doing great off antidepressants doing herbal supplements and i felt great, but i crashed and i can't get out, even with the herbal help... guess i gotta get meds again.
Thank you again. I hope things do get better for me, I am glad there is support here!

[mtnannie]

Your post caught my eye because I was just thinking how I wish I could stop my brain from going in every direction at the speed of light. Boy, do I know that feeling. But about relationships, I have a wonderful husband who says that I am the funnest crazy person he's ever met, and he was a psych attendent (not mine). Anyway, just an example that there are wonderful people who understand and support without it being a big deal. When things are really bad he always reminds me that everything will be fine. I haven't tried herbals, but have been lucky to get started in the beginning on meds that work well. I just use the forums to help me throught the waiting. And that sounds like something that would be good for you right now is to remind yourself that you are waiting and things will work out fine.