I've been pretty sad lately and I'm having a hard time putting my finger on the why.
I'm pretty sure it's because I'm not applying myself and I'm disappointed in me.
I wish I didn't have social anxiety. I'm so weird!
I'm not a bad person. I have trouble expressing myself and I have trouble trusting people. That doesn't make me a bad person. Not bad enough to isolate myself like I have been.
I'm a nice person. I'm caring, honest, loyal, goofy, generous and I take care of my personal hygiene.
I can get a little moody when I'm feeling insecure but it's not like I get violent or aggressive or anything. I get a little pissy-okay? It's not that horrible.
But I imprison myself like I'm some kind of axe murderer or something and have sentenced myself to a hermit life style.
Why?
Because some people couldn't handle my pissiness and were mean to me. Who cares? Who are they anyway? Anyone who doesn't get a little pissy every now and then is kind of strange to me anyway.
Why shouldn't I hold my head up high and why shouldn't I feel just as special as I think everyone else is?
I have a lot to offer.
I don't get it.
I'm alone because I've made myself alone-not because people don't want to be around me. It's because I've choosen not to be around other people.
So, it's not like people DON'T want to be around me.
That's it. That's why I'm feeling sad.
I need to get out more. I really do like people. They get on my nerves sometimes but I get on their nerves, too.
I want to stop hiding. I want to live. I want to quit being so darn hard on myself. I want to stop picking at everything I do and say.
I'm really not a bad person. I love me. Why do I let myself believe that I'm not loveable?
I'm mad at myself now.
Gotta think some more...

[Beautiful_Pain]

<font color="purple">
{{{{{Jax}}}}}

I struggle with alot of the same things, most all of the time. I know its hard, and I can't really help, I haven't been able to get past it myself. I hope you find your way past it...you sound like you could use some company.

Just wanted to let you know you weren't alone =)
</font>

[seeker1950]

Hi, Jax,
Gosh, I've done the same thing for YEARS!!! I work as a teacher and I manage to extend myself successfully there, but when the workday is over, I come home and hibernate. Same in the summer when I'm off work. I forced myself this past summer to take grad classes, which was positive, but the effort was exhausting and again I preferred to stay inside and hibernate rather than going out unless absolutely necessary. I've had bad and hurtful experiences...yeah. But no pity party here, and I'm over it and well, though I still prefer my solitude. Wondering if that is healthy or not?
Anyway, same here.
Seeker

Hi Beautiful Pain and Seeker!
I definetly would like some company.
My dogs aren't cutting it for me, anymore.
Dog parks have lost their novelty.

I think we've pulled in the comfort zone just a little too tight. Huh? I've heard it said, many times, baby steps.
I'm going to take little baby adventure steps.
I think taking classes is a great idea. I'm looking into what's available.
Thank you for your responses!!
((((((beautiful and seeker))))))

[movingforward]

It's sound like a lot of the things you are teling yourself are the right things. The problem, which I too know very well, is believing them. You sound like a wonderful person. Be proud of yourself for those qualities you mentioned. You know what I've noticed about other people? That they are much more preoccupied with things that are going on with them, then how much we THINK they are thinking aboutr us. Hope you feel better.

I sometimes forget other people are just as insecure, self conscience and needing reassurance, too.
If I could learn to get out of my own head-I can focus more on them and not so much on me. It's very selfish in it's own way. I'm working on it. I'm REALLY trying.
Thanks Moving forward! (((((((Moving)))))))

[Overcastbutclearing]

Jax...
Sorry for your pain.
I hope you know I am here for you.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry your struggling right now. I am here for you.

Huggles,

Jen

Thank you Jen and Susan.
((((((((((JMO)))))))))))
((((((((((SJ))))))))))))
I appreciate the support.