Well...I'm 15 and Ive been struggling with both depression and suicidal thoughts ,
Eventhough I havent been diagnosed yet Im pretty sure that I have some other stuff since im so messed up.
Been suffering in silence for years and told someone for the first time in november 2010 when I was having a mental breakdown and was about to kill myself.
And honestly it was the worst thing I ever did.
They made me talk to people and all that it proved was that I couldnt be helped and that nobody really cared and the person who I thought was there for me was just ignoring me and not caring the least bit now I have no one I can talk too besides PC Ive been getting worse and worse and ive been thinking about cutting for days and its really tempting
Just want this all to stop and everyone to leave me alone so im pretending im doing better and that im fine but for real im just dying inside
When someone tries to talk to me about my depression in person I just freeze up and cant talk. Every night I cant stop thinking about my death and planning my death in detail. Im also getting more paranoid by the day and lately I barely speak my mind afraid of hurting, triggering ,pissing someone off or just making them hate me forever.
I dont know why im posting this just needed to get it off my chest.
Now you can just continue you live without me and forget about me.
I'm allready lost in reality and no longer have use in the world and that is all. Be safe.

[annege42]

Dear Jarebear,

I'm sorry you feel this way. I was very depressed when i was your age. I had just emigrated to the US with my family when I was 13. I had few friends in high school and felt that I couldn't fit in. I would spend my lunch breaks in the library because I was alone. But I made it through. I found interest in poetry, trying to find poems that apoke to my own sadness. And I began writing poems about how I felt. Maybe it would help you to focus on something you enjoy doing.
Maybe you need pills to make you feel better. Sometimes it's a chemical balance that can be treated. I'm 42 and I survived my depression. I didn't have support from family or friends, I just had to survive it. I hope you can too. Life gets better and we learn how to cope with depression. Don't give up. I will be here for you.

[annege42]

Originally Posted by Jarebear

Well...I'm 15 and Ive been struggling with both depression and suicidal thoughts ,
Eventhough I havent been diagnosed yet Im pretty sure that I have some other stuff since im so messed up.
Been suffering in silence for years and told someone for the first time in november 2010 when I was having a mental breakdown and was about to kill myself.
And honestly it was the worst thing I ever did.
They made me talk to people and all that it proved was that I couldnt be helped and that nobody really cared and the person who I thought was there for me was just ignoring me and not caring the least bit now I have no one I can talk too besides PC Ive been getting worse and worse and ive been thinking about cutting for days and its really tempting
Just want this all to stop and everyone to leave me alone so im pretending im doing better and that im fine but for real im just dying inside
When someone tries to talk to me about my depression in person I just freeze up and cant talk. Every night I cant stop thinking about my death and planning my death in detail. Im also getting more paranoid by the day and lately I barely speak my mind afraid of hurting, triggering ,pissing someone off or just making them hate me forever.
I dont know why im posting this just needed to get it off my chest.
Now you can just continue you live without me and forget about me.
I'm allready lost in reality and no longer have use in the world and that is all. Be safe.

I hope you are doing better. I just registered here last night. I was depressed too and suicidal when I was your age. I survived that and I'm 42 now. You will get through this. I offer you my support.

[Leed]

Dearest Jarebear ~ Sweetie, perhaps you just told the wrong person. Because I DO CARE!!! And many others here care too. Can you try talking to your counselor at school? They are trained in this kind of thing. Have you told your parents??? You really need some professional counseling. I would think that if you tell your parents, they would get you the help that you need!!! I know if my child told me this, I would certainly get them help.

Honey - PLEASE do NOT hurt yourself. There are other alternatives. There are other answers. Hurting yourself is NOT an answer. That is just a temporary condition. It doesn't solve anything. If you talk to the appropriate person, things can get solved. Please believe me, because I have been in therapy before -- many times. Talking to a therapist IS the solution.

Talk to your counselor at school or your parents. Or both!!! But do not hurt yourself, please?? And let me know what happens, would you please??? You can private message me if you want. I really do care. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[colmnach]

Jared....... you can tell me anything or nothing whatsoever anytime when I am on here and I will never judge you or treat you bad. YOU are worth it.
YOU DO have a use in this World. I dunno what that is, it's for you to figure out, I know it feels that you don't have a use. a lot of the time I feel the same. BUT I carry on because I know that if I were to do something bad, like real bad, like permanent, to myself, the people that DO care about me would be devastated. Well guess what? I care about you, and there are others here on the Boards who care about you as well.
I have no clue what you look like, I have never met you, but I care about you more than you will ever know. Why? Because I do.
Feel free to message me anyday you like. I know we are in different Time Zones, but that's what the Net is for. Communicating.

[Nola22]

Lee is right, Jarebear--you told the wrong person. And just as Lee and colmnach have said, there are many people here on PC who care about you and are willing to hear you out while treating you with care, dignity, and respect. Please take advantage of this resource and talk to the good folks here. If you feel it's your only outlet or haven at present, that's okay, because it's a useful one that's there for you 24/7. You can springboard from the site into counseling, and seeking out your school counselor, as Lee suggested, is a great place to start that process.

I have had the privilege of sharing time with you and experiencing your compassion, intelligence, aspirations, and enthusiasm, to name just a few of your admirable qualities and traits. I know you have a lot to which you are looking forward--worthwhile goals and adventures about which you talk with immense excitement. It may seem difficult to nearly impossible right now to look towards those dreams with all that's causing you pain in the here and now, but I encourage you to remember what you're set to accomplish and experience in the near and distant future. And those potential accomplishments are only the beginning...

Take care of yourself, Jarebear! My heart goes out to you. You are welcome to contact me any time you like.

[Sunna]

Jarebear, no way. I am NOT going to read, forget and go on.

It's difficult to write, there is so many things I want to tell you, but I am afraid they will not help, and I want to help, and don't know how.

It may feel impossible for you to talk about how you feel, but maybe you could print what you wrote and show it to that counselor. Maybe you never talk about how you feel to your parents. I did not when I was growing up, and I passionately hated my mom. But if she found out I wrote what you just wrote she would drop everything and haul in the best therapist she could find. She would probably pelt me also with this useless jabber of "I don't know how could you even consider that" and "After everything I had done for you. You have everything!" (she's no therapist!). Don't know if that's maybe how it is at your home, but parents will want to help their children, even the not so good parents, most of us ended up with.

I don't know who or how talked to you before, and let you slip out like this, but please believe me, you are not useless or insignificant. It's not true that you can't be helped. You just haven't been yet.

(Jarebear, nice name. Reminds me of ClareBear, what superpower would you have if you could have one?)

Hang on Jarebear. Talk to us, in forums or private messages.

[embracinglife]

like the other people have said, I think it might help to talk to a therapist that you like and trust. When I was in highschool I had a psychotic break and I was forced to go to a therapist for the first time and I hated it. But then in college I needed counseling again and I found a counselor that I liked and trusted.

It feels so good to be able to talk to someone, whatever is on your mind, even if you feel like you are going crazy, and they won't judge you for it.

Also medicines have definitely helped me. I have problems with depression and anxiety and sleep so I take a couple medicines that help me. I hope this helps. And I hope you can be patient and look towards finding a solution. It can be tough and lonely at times, but that's what we are here for.

[online user]

Have been suicidal several times in my life and I am so glad I am living today. Try to take things a bit at a time--get through another hour if a day seems too long. Then another hour after that. Try to find something you enjoy to make yourself feel better. Listen to a CD you like or eat a piece of cake, or snuggle under a warm comforter with a favorite pet. Take care of yourself, for YOU--YOU are important! That others whom you told did not respond to you properly is a reflection on THEM, not YOU!

Ty everyone for the support
But I,ve allready talked to a school counselor and a normal one and both didnt work and my other counselor who is linked to a bunch of Pdocs decided not to give me anything... and now im waiting to get a new one... It has taken 2 months allready And ive given up on ever getting better...

[carrie-19]

i went through a phase thinking the exact same thing. it was only a few years ago,probably around your age actually.it was when i first started getting help.i thought that it was all some mistake,that i could have handled it by myself and now everything was getting worse.now ive relapsed (hurrah..) and im feeling the exact same thing AGAIN.."wth am i doing??!"
wish i could offer advice better than "hang in there" but i cant.i can offer you comfort that i know how you feel,and that as long as youre around here in PC you are definetly NOT alone

[Can't Stop Crying]

When you cry - I care!

You matter!

It has taken me years of therapy and different meds to find the right balance. I still struggle sometimes...but you will never know that it can get better if you don't try.

Rooting for you!

[colmnach]

J, Just keep keepingon until you see the new one, and can you tell me why it did'nt work when you saw the other 2? I don't get it.
Life can get extreeeeemely crap. I know it, you know it, others know it. We all have problems. We all deal with them in different ways.
How do you you normally deal with yours? WHy is this time any different.
Kick the problem in the bollocks and shout at it. You're better than it!.

me.

[LostInThought92]

JareBear,
I felt exactly the same way at your age and sometimes I still do. Just keep on living and the moments we live for are worth it. Even if you think you have had every moment worth having,think again.

-LostInThought92

[turquoisesea]

Hey there, nice to meet you. I had a few thoughts:

They made me talk to people and all the it proved was that I couldn't be helped and that nobody really cared

Problem is, if you have depression it LIES to you. It sounds like you weren't happy with your therapist. That's really common with a first therapist, especially when a person is under 18. It's difficult to start to get better, and it's difficult to trust that people do care. But please don't let depression get the better of you and convince you that you can't be helped and that nobody cares. It's just not true

Originally Posted by Jarebear

Ty everyone for the support
But I,ve allready talked to a school counselor and a normal one and both didnt work and my other counselor who is linked to a bunch of Pdocs decided not to give me anything... and now im waiting to get a new one... It has taken 2 months allready And ive given up on ever getting better...

Counselors... it took me a long time to find one that actually worked for me. It took me 4 therapist before I found the "right" one. But let me tell you it makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE. And even with a therapist that isn't quite right for you, you can make the beginning steps: learning to talk about what's going on.

I know 2 months seems like forever right now, but it's not. You can get better, just because you have not gotten better in that time does not mean you can't.

Don't give up my dear, there were days I would say the same thing... weeks, months even. But here I am. I'm ok. I'm alive. I'm even happy a good portion of the time Keep faith, and keep trying.

[mgran]

Jarebear... I've only really ever spoken to you in chat, and not caught many of your threads on the forum... but please believe this, I care when you cry. You are just a year older than my son, and when I think of how I'd feel if he were going through your pain, my heart aches... and then I think of you, actually going through it right now, and my heart breaks for you.

When I was your age I used to pilfer my mother's meds, just to make me numb so I wouldn't feel anything. I thought about suicide a lot. You have no idea how glad I am that I didn't succeed, because despite how utterly black things looked when I was sixteen, nineteen, twenty three (these things came in cycles for me) I have had a good life, with good things in it. I have loved, and lost, but still love and am loved. I have a beautiful son. I have a hope and a future.

So do you. Please hang in there, knowing that every day you hang on, you are making yourself stronger, braver, more resilient.

You are going through what might be the most difficult time of anyone's life... the cusp between boy and man. I do believe that you are making that transition with courage and insight. Don't give up. You could be my son. I love you.