[siddywabbit]

I just discovered this site. I've never done this so I hope I'm doing it right. I don't know where to post so I just started at the Top. I have so much I want to write, but I can't think straight. There is so much info, should I reveal or not. I don't want anyone to be mean or harsh to me here. I want to talk,but I'm scared. I have no one to talk with around me.
I'm very upset. I just feel like no one wants to hear me and need to talk so badly. Okay, I'm gonna try...Diagnosis- Adult ADHD, Bipolar...(so far). Trying meds. Reading books. Counseling. Psychiatrist. etc. The other night I was sitting around with my husband (okay, so you know I'm a girl) and one of my very best friends (who happens to be a guy). Somehow we got to discussing issues about all of this stuff I'm going through. I've never ever felt comfortable telling anyone all of the stuff in my head, not even hubby. I've finaaly come to a place in life where I feel like I can be a normal person someday. I just wanted to share with them some breakthroughs I had last week, because I was feeling so much better. Then they jumped all over me and told me that there was nothing wrong with me. They said that if it made me feel good to go to a doctor and take meds. then do it, but the whole thing is in my head. They said everyone has problems (duh!) and everyone is scattered brained, they just don't dwell on it. They said I needed to just decide that life is no bed of roses and wake up and decide to be happy. My two closest and favorite people in the world (other than my parents) told me that I wasn't "crazy" and that those psychologists are just telling me what I want to hear so they can get a paycheck. They said I was dwelling on stupid stuff, and that if they were me they wouldn't be telling all the stuff I'm revealing because someone might try to come put me in a nuthouse. I just got up and left them sitting there. Right now I'm hurt and confused and feel abandoned because my husband is not willing to even try to understand. I have no job because I've been raising 3 small kids for the past 6 years and now my youngest will start to school next year. That's the whole reason I went for help in the first place. I've had this deep dark secret emotional prob in my head since I was about 12. And I feel crippled, like I can't function like normal people. I can't hold a job because I'm always late, or often I get such a horrible feeling that I'm going to scream or yell or cry or suffocate when I have to be somewhere. So I just run out. It's humiliating. I'm a perfectionist. I've dealt with depression all my life. I graduated with honors and was so scared of making a wrong decision that after 5 years of college and about 8 majors, I gave up and got married. See, I'm rambling. All I know is that because of what they said, I want to run. My home has always been my refuge, my comfort, my hideout and I feel like I cna't be myself here anymore. I'm humiliated, because I finally got the courage to admit to 2 trusted men in my life that not only am I not perfect, but I've had all these crazy things in my brain all my life, and they foo fooed me. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. I can't go anywhere cause I've got to take care of the kids and I have no money (housewife). Now I'm just going to have to act like everything is okay and try to pretend I got it together in front of hubby again, like I done for 7 years. Now when I thought I could trust to be myself I've learned...not so. This is horrible because I've started noticing a lot of similarities in my 6yr old and 5 yr old of the mood swings and ADD that I've always struggled with. The oldest child is starting to realize I'm DEFECTIVE. I have not talked about any of this in front of her and she asked me the other day was I ADD and why do I get crazy acting? Everyone close to me is making me feel like a SILLY RABBIT. You're silly for thinking somethings wrong, you're really lazy and stupid. Okay I can't write anymore because I'm so depressed and I'm afraid someone is going to reply to this that it;s too scattered or long. BYE

[heidu]

Don't worry about what you write or sharing your feelings. This is a place for all of us to come and say how we feel. You don't have to be afraid. And dont' worry about sounding stupid or rambling or posting too long. We all have and do do it when we need to. It's why we are here.

I am sorry that the two closest to you don't seem willing to understand. I am glad you are in therapy and trying to fight this. That's important. You do have us here. WE all understnad how it feels to be depressed, scattered, sometimes crazy. It's ok to be yourself here and it's good to get stuff out so keep posting. You will find alot of caring and supportive people here.

See, I replied and it wasn't so scary was it?
Hugs sweetie :O)
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[Rapunzel]

Hi and welcome,

I could almost have written that same message! Here a few of my thoughts about therapy and what people in general say about it:

Sure, everybody has challenges and problems. Some people are more comfortable living with their problems than they are dealing with them. Maybe they can work it out on their own, but sometimes it really helps to get a little extra help, especially from someone who is an expert at giving you that help in the way that you need it.

Psychopathology differs from normalcy only in degree - it's a matter of how much things bother you. There is the extreme where people get extremely disfunctional and treatment is more of a requirement than an option, but most of the time we could get by without treatment. For some people, getting by is all they really want. That's their choice. But if you want more out of life, you are probably a highly intelligent person who is limited by current circumstances and you probably won't be content letting things stay the way they are.

The difference between therapy (dealing with deep-seated emotional and behavioral issues) and counseling (dealing with the normal problems of life) is not that much, and the two seem to be getting closer and closer all the time. Sometimes the kind of symptoms that are diagnosed as mental illnesses are a sign that you just need more out of life than what you are getting and it's time to make a change, but maybe you aren't allowing yourself what you need so your mind develops something that you have to pay attention to.

I'm at about the same stage of life where you are. I have three kids and my youngest will turn six in November. I went to college for 4 years, actually thought I had graduated but my degree wasn't awarded because of an incomplete, but I couldn't do anything in my fields without a graduate degree anyway and didn't get accepted to graduate school. I got married and had kids and was a stay-at-home-mom even though I had always felt that I needed more out of life than that. I collect hobbies - always have to be learning something new. But I got to the point where all that was just not enough.

Now I'm finishing up my degree and I'm going to apply to graduate school again. It's a struggle - they seem to be changing the requirements about every 5 minutes right now and it's going to take me an extra year to finish the degree that I already had done before. Graduate school will be hard. For one thing, we'll have to move or I will have to commute at least 3 hours away, and it will take 5 more years. It's scary, but staying on the same path I was on is worse.

I could get by without therapy. I have before. I had depression at least since I was 9 years old and made it through several major depressive episodes without anyone being concerned enough to offer help. But the support is good. It's like having something of a safety net - someone who will notice if I'm slipping and remind me not to give up. Your husband and friends might be able to do that for you, but they also might be too close to the situation to make the observations that need to be made.

Life is a journey. Make the most of it that you can. If you want to talk, this is a good place for it. People here are really nice, and supportive and you'll be part of the family before you even know it.

To the other new people on the board, welcome too. I haven't responded to all of you, mostly because I saw that others were already doing a good job of welcoming you and I couldn't think of much to say that they hadn't already. I guess I can get a little long-winded once in a while. That's allowed, BTW. I'm glad you're here.

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[bevers]

Welcome Siddywabbit.

You will find that no one will get all over you hear, they listen and
all try to help in their own ways...... I know how hard it is to speak
to people about all that is going on in our head,,,, but remember
depression, anxiety, bipolar are all real illnesses.....

You have comed to the right place no one will judge you, and yes
still continue with seeing your counselors, psychiatrists and make
sure you follow their directions, You are taking action to help
you feel better and that is a strong smart step to take..... If you can't
talk to friends or family,,,, you will find some here that you can talk to.

Take Care.....
Stay Strong.

Bevers