[LittleForgetMeNot]

It's my own fault. I wasn't attending on a regular basis; the "group" therapy program at the hospital. I was supposed to go everyday but my habit, this depression, it makes me wanna stay home where I feel safe; where it's comfortable and warm and nice and the same always. But they want me to spend an hour out in the cold to go get help and I don't care about help, I already gave up years ago. I was only trying because my Dad.. he doesn't dervse a daughter like me so I tried once to find help and change.. and.. those guys.. they take everything you say as the truth and I started being forgotton, being neglected. Your depression isn't that bad, and all we care about now is your school. All I could think was "no, no it is bad, there is more that I feel but I can't say it. You're a professional so why can't you see that I'm drowning in my own feelings and can't come up for air to tell you what's going on!" but no they just sat thinking about school. The more this happend the more I didn't wanna go because what was the point if they were going to neglect the root cause of my problem and try to fix the academics?

Today I woke up feeling that I was gonna try again, I wasn't going to think "what's the point" anymore I was gonna go everyday and just put away my feelings in a box until I get there. But today I got there and they told me I wasn't supposed to be there.. I broke down and cried, and while I was crying they explained why I wasn't supposed to be there which just made me feel even worse, even though they kept trying to assure me that they were trying to make me calm down. It was like.. the rope I was halfway up, or even a quarter the way up, someone just cut it and I went falling back into that hole again.. I couldn't explain why it was so horrible, and even now, if it wasn't for me and I didn't like it why am I so upset..? I just feels like that one last ray of hope was just put out, someone threw a bucket of water over that torch, my efforts were for nothing and now there's just nothing for me, nothing to do, but to sit at home and wait for death.

The little devil on my shoulder is saying that now I'm not going to amount to anything, everything i try will always, always fail.. and the staff at the hospital shot my angel; they blocked the end of the tunnel so i can't see the light..

Sorry for venting.

[Leed]

Bless your heart - I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience. Did they tell you why you weren't supposed to be there? Are you allowed to go back? Could you possibly find a therapist of your own, instead of going to group therapy? I think I'd prefer that to group. I've done both, and I prefer one-on-one.

I know today was a huge effort for you to even go ~ and then to be told you weren't supposed to be there -- that's a huge let-down!!! I'm so sorry.

It sounds like you've been dealt bad hands continually ~ my heart hurts for you. I wish there was something i could do or say to make you feel better. Please keep your hopes UP -- there is ALWAYS hope, dearheart. Keep venting, and talking with us -- perhaps we can help a little. Also, try to find a therapist that you can talk to. God bless you. Hugs, Lee

So sorry, LittleForgetMeNot.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by Leed

Bless your heart - I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience. Did they tell you why you weren't supposed to be there? Are you allowed to go back? Could you possibly find a therapist of your own, instead of going to group therapy? I think I'd prefer that to group. I've done both, and I prefer one-on-one.

I know today was a huge effort for you to even go ~ and then to be told you weren't supposed to be there -- that's a huge let-down!!! I'm so sorry.

It sounds like you've been dealt bad hands continually ~ my heart hurts for you. I wish there was something i could do or say to make you feel better. Please keep your hopes UP -- there is ALWAYS hope, dearheart. Keep venting, and talking with us -- perhaps we can help a little. Also, try to find a therapist that you can talk to. God bless you. Hugs, Lee

I was talking to a psycharist before, but they sent me there instead. I wasn't supposed to be there because my attendance was off and on and they needed you to come everyday. Since I wasn't they kicked me out. But it was hard, I have little motivation to go anywhere until I enjoy myself and there I found myself zoning out. Most of the time we just read or we drew and while I like doing those things I was bored. Once I fell asleep there, which is something I've never done before. Everyday almost one of the staff would pull you aside and talk to you since they're counselors, but most of the time you were sitting in a room with about 4 or 5 other kids waiting until you get home. No one talked, there was no socializing or anything, it was dead and a constant reminder that there was something wrong with me. I know that the program wasn't right for me, but the fact that they kicked me out without my Dad or I knowing was such a shock especially since I was going to try the day they gave up.