[Omers]

I am on Welbutrin and zyprexa and this is the least depressed winter I can remember... OK, that's good... everyone seems to like that... but then they stop there.
I have gained some 20lbs... a side effect of the meds. Don't like it but I'll deal. However... I have NO impulse control... like none! I spent almost half of my income this month on new clothes... whole new wardrobe... I did need a couple new pairs of pants because of the meds. I in no way needed more clothes though. Now I am holding my breath praying that some checks don't clear before the first of next month while still thinking about buying this really cute horse I saw on craigs list... WTF! have I lost my mind???? I have no patience with my son and snap really quick (no abuse but bad parenting). With all the yelling and cussing the dog and two cats that can hear are in hiding.I've started horseback riding lessons and have signed up as a volunteer at the zoo. bought a second digital camera (DSLR... not the less expensive point and shoots). Spent a couple hundred on educational materials to use with my son but am too agitated to use them with him. I am isolating from friends (IRL and PC) and a few are mad at me but I am not sure why... at this point I assume given how crazy I am acting that it is somehow justified.

T and Pdoc both did the same thing... "are you sleeping?"... yes... "then don't worry about it you aren't manic". Was crying to massage T last week that all I want is to be content and it doesn't ever seem to happen on the zyprexa. tried lowering the dose (with permission from Pdoc) but became really depressed.

I don't know... was I always too depressed to care enough to have to develop impulse control? is it depression? is it mania? is it parts?

Anyone have thoughts? I am feeling OK other than fat, scared about finances, and knowing that what ever is going on isn't right.

BTW... weight wise I am on the high end of acceptable on that BMI thingie... off meds I just barely weigh enough to be healthy for my height. So it is not totally a distortion in how I am seeing myself. Pdoc blew me off when I said if I go above healthy for my height on BMI I am off the med. Dunno... don't think I have an eating disorder or a distorted self image...

[swingbeatnik]

Hey Omers
Anti-depressants such as Wellbutrin or Prozac can create 'poor judgment' and lack of impulse control. It can kind-of mimic manic stages in bi-polar individuals. I have noticed this, when I am on an SSRI I tend to do things or say things I would never had while not taking the medication, and if I stop taking the medication, about a month afterwards I feel like 'wth? why am I so stupid? why did I do that?'.

I would talk to your doctor about it, maybe mention that others have had similarities, they should know that it could produce an affect. Unfortunately, some therapists or psychiatrists only stick to one method and aren't open-minded about what their patients tell them, they just stick to the books. Just be stern yet calm when dealing with the therapist/psych. And perhaps theirs a non-SSRI that could help if the side effects are to much.

(((((omers))))) may you find inner peace

[madisgram]

sorry your pdoc and T are not listening to your concerns re your behaviors. me thinks the zyprexa may not be the rx for you cause your behavior resembles an old one of mine on prozac(made me manic and that behavior was so not me). they changed my med and i balanced well on the new one. i'd ask them to give you a chance to try something else.

[lastyearisblank]

zyprexa makes you gain weight like crazy! i think there was a lawsuit. my friend who went on it for bipolar gained like 40 pounds. during the year i didn't see her, to the time i saw her again, i barely recognized her! maybe you can ask your dr to change to another antipsychotic: abilify, geodon, risperidal are all meds i've tried for depresson/anxiety and none of them had weight effects.

for wellbutrin, i lost about 20 pounds on it and got a taste of what it is like for people to think you're anorexic. i also had to buy a new wardrobe too... then the expense of buying a new one when i went off it. don't beat yourself up. think of it as keeping up with fashion!

for not being taken seriously.... geez that sucks. many of the things you talked about (volunteer, horseback lessons) sound really wonderful and enriching.. i am jealous (do you live in an area where people keep horses?). but for other things, like snapping at loved ones, i can see how distressing that is, i've been there and it's very frustrating to deal with. i hope you can resist the urge to hide. who knows how many people miss you right now?

my only advice is try not to be too hard on yourself! most people stumble and never even notice. if you want to develop more "impulse control" as you've said here... well, that is not like some character defect to be impulsive. maybe you're trying to add new things to your life right now. please take it in to your care team and maybe they can help you figure out a way to do that wihtout feeling bad...

[Omers]

I live about 20 min away from where I keep my horse (a spoiled, fat, happy princess of a quarter pony). I live about 30-60min from all sorts of neat stuff... Zoo, botanical gardens, childrens museum, nuns...
I really appreciate everyone listening without blowing me off. I don't deal well when I feel lie I am not understood or not being taken seriously... creates a ton of anxiety.
Good to know that it may be the Wellbutrin. I had been focused on the zyprexa because it was the most recently added med. I can find out if I can cut back on the Wellbutrin and see if it helps any.
And... I haven't chased the deaf cat off yet... he can't hear all the cussing and foul language. Perhaps I should buy everyone a set of ear plugs!

[swingbeatnik]

I'm glad you feel welcome! :]