[Rose76]

As someone new, I feel timid . . . like I don't want to bother people. Caregiving has been a big part of my life. It is much harder for me to be in the position of needing to be cared for or about. But, I am alone and I am severely depressed. I am doing all the responsible things like getting out-patient care at the local public psych facility, taking the meds, seeing the counselor.

I am shy and don't have a network of friends and family to turn to. Actually, there are persons connected to me that I have come through for when their need was deep. They are not here for me now . . . not like I was for them. My heart is broken. I am trying to recover, as I have in the past. My diagnosis of depression is an old one. Until this past year, I worked and functioned. I used to be able to fight back to reasonable recovery. I loved an alcoholic. I loved him from the skids to his current long standing recovery. I gave everything I had to give when no one else cared about him. I've cared about family members in serious trouble. I've helped some get out of jail. I am hearing nothing now from them. It seems I am now so depleted. This has been months of severe depression with occasional short intervals when it seemed I was getting better. But I am not sustaining improvement for long. I keep sliding back to a very low level. My neighbors, who are decent folk, are getting spooked seeing my blinds closed all day. I know all members have their own problems. I wouldn't ask for help if I were not in such bad shape.

I know I must get out and involved in healthy activity. I am truly trying. I am dragging myself to places . . . to activities . . . to be around people. I need to tell somebody things that I can not talk about too much at these places. I need contact with others who have been where I am at.

[Twisti]

I totally understand where you are coming from and you can only do what you can do and go as far as you can personally go...in my personal opinion if you push yourself too hard you wont make progress in "this" situation... ) HUGS

[online user]

Been there and understand, dear! Do try to find some things that make you more peaceful, and do those to reward yourself for being you. The weaknesses of others you have helped is a reflection on their shortcomings, not your value. Feel free to PM me anytime and I'll listen to you and help if I can. Take care and bless you for being such a good person!

[disguise123]

feel for u deeply, i know somewhat how ur feeling.
Amoungst all these people u have helped, and all that you know
Could u bear telling them outright that u need some friendship and support?
I know it goes against all that is in ur nature but if u did it quickly without mulling over it first , could it happen?
I hope that something changes for you.
You are taking the right steps.
Keep posting.
We are here to support u.

[madisgram]

rose, i'm glad you shared what's going on with your depression. sometimes i just have to tell myself it will eventually run it's course tho it's very hard during the episode. my last episode lasted 4 long months. i just hung in there cause i knew it wasn't forever.
as for helping ppl and not getting support back. my first thought is to learn how to treat yourself as you do others. you are doing a lot of positive things to get better. good for you for not giving up.
another thought try to restrain yourself to save some caring for you. sometimes, too, we pick the wrong ppl we help. in life there are givers and takers. seems like you have helped many takers. they don't give back unfortunately.
i'd discuss this in outpatient. i'm sure you can learn skills to avoid giving too much of yourself to others. it's kind of you but you deserve better friends who will reciporate your kindness.