I don't know if I can do this.

When I say, I want to do school at home, I mean online. Here where I live, I have an option of doing school online. That is what I want to do, I don't want to go to school and to be around so many people. It really scares me.
I have to work soon and I am scared about that. So many people, too many people. I am shaking and I don't know why. I just, I can't handle going to school and going to work. Guess, I'll just have to keep pretending that everything is alright again.
Because no one believes that this is real. They all believe that this is just a joke for there attention. I don't want anyone attention. I don't want there pity, I just want someone to tell me that I am not alone. I don't want anyone to tell me what I NEED to do.
I am thinking about moving in with my friend soon because living here is triggering me to harm myself. I am eighteen years old, so yes, I can move out.
But, I am going to try and make it to the summer. Get my money and get my car so I can leave and make a better life for myself.
But, we all gotta start one step at a time. I hope I can do this today.

good luck artie. I think you can do it. Just take things one step, one day at a time.

What about where you are triggers you to hurt yourself?

Where I live, my family, they are triggering me to harm myself , they don't believe me and they don't want to get me someone that can help me. They just think I should be able to talk to them, but I can't. They judge. They judge so harshly it scares me. It just makes me want to harm myself when they say the things they say.
I really don't know what to do.

I thought your Dad was going to get you someone to talk to? Isn't he going to now??

I was looking forward to hearing what a therapist had to say. Is that all down the tubes now?

I'm sorry if you aren't going to be getting help. I believe that you DO need it. Bless your heart - I'm sorry. We believe you here, Artie. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Hello Artie,

I totally understand your frustration when it comes to people not believing you when you try to relate how and what you feel, what you perceive, and what you're experiencing. I've had family members tell me what yours have, that it's all a bid for attention, and that I was exaggerating or overstating my circumstances. I'd often tell them how wrong they were because I wasn't interested in the type of attention they thought I was, i.e. pity, as you mentioned. I have other means by which I can get your attention, so why would I put myself through x or y or claim z if I didn't have to, I'd say.

Fortunately, those accusations have lessened and virtually disappeared for me, and I can only hope for the same for you over time, and with more open minds on the part of your family. From what I've read in your post, I hope you are able to make everything work for you that you'd mentioned, so life will be easier.

I believe you, and I know for certain I am not the only one here who does. All the best to you, Artie, and please keep us posted.

My dad doesn't want to get me help, but he has too. I think he noticed how shaky I was when I got off work. I am going to look up some people that I can go to talk too and present them to my dad. Hopefully I will get the help I need.
I just wish he were more understanding.

I wish your dad was more understanding too, Artie. I commend you for taking action in your situation and endeavoring to find people to talk to, and to get them to hopefully reason with your dad. You are more courageous than you know.

I am rooting for you, Artie!! Hang in there, okay?

Thank you Nola, I am trying to hang in there, but it is getting harder to do so.
I don't know what else to really do. He keeps yelling and getting upset and tuning me out. How much more of this can I take..