all talked out

Woke up feeling panicked, guilty, miserable. No motivation. No energy. I want to go back to sleep, be unconscious, but I'm so miserable I can't even do that. Haven't seen my counselor in a long time. She's great but I can't do it. I have no more words, it's exhausting to think about. I know I should talk to someone but I'm so tired of talking. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I go over the same things every time and feel like I'm getting nowhere. I made huge personal progress and now I've stalled. Maybe this is as far as I can go. I feel like I'm being irresponsible not to talk to someone but I honestly can't do it anymore. I'm all talked out. I just want to let it have me for a while, and I feel like a failure because I can't even be bothered to go back and get help. I want the world to leave me alone. I want to curl up in a ball and just be alone and very quiet and calm. I'm screwing up my last semester already because I've missed so much class and that makes the panic worse but I am so exhausted, I can't do it anymore. And when I do go to class I feel like everybody's staring at me because they know something's not right, they think I'm being lazy by never showing up, that I'm the weird one who sits in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone and bolts out of the room the second the class is done. But I'm barely holding myself together in there. I have no idea how I'm going to finish this year. It's like I've run a marathon and I'm out of energy and if I finish at all it'll be by crawling on my hands and knees over the finish line. Being around people -- in class, in the street, on the phone -- is excruciating. I'm so restless and anxious and tired and distracted all the time. I just want it all to stop.