[salukigirl]

I'm wondering why it seems like people with depression always use the same mechanism for avoiding talking about their depression. At least for me I know I use humour. I make fun of myself I guess to beat others to the punch. It hurts less when people make fun of me if I do it too. So a lot of people tell me I'm hilarious but a lot of it is a cover up for my true emotions. And eventually it gets to me and I have a day or two where I just cry constantly. I put up this hard exterior to keep people out and typically go to comedy to prevent those true feelings from coming out.

I know my brother does the same thing. And I know several others who resort to humour to avoid exposing the sensitive self inside. Does anyone else do this?

[Xacatecas]

Yeh i do, its how i can cope at work. Then just do nothing but lie in bed whenever im off.
People just tag you as 'funny' and then don't try to get to know you. It works well to keep people from poking around at you.

[Rohag]

I use humor both as a mask and a mental exercise.

[Hopeful yet hurting]

Yes and unfortunately with those the closest to me, sometimes Im afraid If they knew what I was really thinking they would run away!

[mudgey]

I would say I do this to a point. I almost do the opposite. I am so uncomfortable about talking with other people- making chit chat- that I tend to laugh a lot. Does that make sense? I repeat something that may or may not be that funny and laugh. I have a really distinct laugh too. Embarrassing but I can't help it! I definitely put up a front/mask. Most people I would call my friends don't really know.

[madisgram]

it takes so much mental energy to hide our depression. i know cause i did it for years-social butterfly. therapy helped me immensely with my depression. do you have a T? i believe it would help you too.

[pgrundy]

It doesn't help that most workplaces require 'a postive attitude' these days, no matter how many legitimate stressors are there. It used to be enough to just do your job, but now you have to grin while doing it too, which, seriously, I think it gets kind of unhealthy sometimes.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I'm wondering why it seems like people with depression always use the same mechanism for avoiding talking about their depression. At least for me I know I use humour....

Not trying to invalidate you, saluki, just picking up on something you said: "mechanism for avoiding..."

I used to worry constantly about what might be "really" going on for me that I was perhaps "repressing" or using "defense mechanisms" to avoid -- only there seemed to be no end to it. I'd figure out one thing (which always felt like it had to be an insignificant part of the whole, not even the tip of the iceberg)... and whatever I figured out would raise way more questions than it answered. "I must be doing A to avoid B and C, but then what are B and C about?"

Nowadays I prefer to look for alternative stories that could fit the same set of facts. This might be one such; I'd be curious how it fits you, or doesn't:

Imaginary quote
----------------------------------------------------
Not actually posted by salukigirl

When I have a choice of talking about my
depression or coming up with something
funny, I often choose humor.
----------------------------------------------------

You're still free to make up a story (or several) about why you choose humor, what it says about you that you do, what might be behind it all, or what Freud would think if he knew; but now that's a separate story and no longer a necessary accompaniment to your observation that you sometimes choose humor. I'll even say: you're free to choose or unchoose either story, just as you're free to choose or unchoose humor.

So a lot of people tell me I'm hilarious but a lot of it is a cover up for my true emotions.

I don't see why you couldn't be hilarious even while you were noticing your true emotions (and choosing when/how/where to express them). For me, drinking coffee isn't a cover up for replying to your post -- I can type with one hand and hold the cup with the other. I don't happen to feel depressed at the moment but I'm pretty sure that if I did, I'd much rather be hilarious than, say, miserable about it. I've always found being miserable about depression awfully, well... depressing.

[salukigirl]

thanks, everyone. Fool - you are very right. It shows in all situations. Even when I receive compliments, I respond usually with sarcasm. I know it isn't healthy. I guess my self image is so low I just hate hearing people say nice things about me. So I bring the brunt of the joke on myself.

And yes, if something bad happens, I typically respond with a joke which I also know isn't healthy. My brother does the same thing and so does my sister to a point. My dad is very emotionally closed off so none of us really know how to express our feelings. Our mom has gotten better but is still under the mindset that she doesn't let people know any pain she's going through. I guess it's continued through us. But in a way it kind of forces me to be the strong one. Because any time anything bad happens, I'm the one to brighten the mood. So....who knows. I enjoy being that person who lightens the tension but, at the same time, it would be nice if I could force myself to show externally how I'm feeling internally.

Guess that's why I'm on this site, huh?

[Winter Moon]

It'd be too hard to be depressed all the time. I think a lot of people use humor as a way of trying to not only avoid talking about it seriously, but also as a way to keep from going completely insane.

[salukigirl]

So is it safe to say that maybe it's better for me to just have a bawling session every now and then when the jokes get to me rather than just being down all the time? Sometimes I get to the point where it's like....I've just been so happy and cheery all the time I feel like crying for no reason. Maybe it's just a natural thing and I shouldn't be viewing it as depression?

I mean...it's not like I feel angry WHILE I'm telling jokes or anything. I do genuinely feel happy throughout the day. But man...sometimes I just gotta bawl my friggen eyes out! I guess I associate it with my joking all the time but maybe it is just an unconscious choice I make?

[Xacatecas]

Might just be letting off steam

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

So is it safe to say that maybe it's better for me to just have a bawling session every now and then when the jokes get to me rather than just being down all the time? ... Maybe it's just a natural thing and I shouldn't be viewing it as depression?

I'd say, be where you are. Whenever I've tried hard not to be wherever I was, I've ended up staying stuck in that position for a while. When I'm willing to be where I am, I never seem to be there long.

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