telling secrets

This is my first post so I hope I don't offend anyone by this. Today I told my T something that happen to me when I was 16 years old that was suppose to be a punishment for being late from father that left me beaten and nude. It was so emotional and I hurt so much right now. I feel like I told secrets that I wasn't suppose to tell. I am far from being a kid. Both my parents have been dead for years, yet I still feel this way. All I can do is cry. I can't imagine holding all this until I see him next week.

Very sorry you are going through this. This might be hard, and you totally don't have to answer, but may ask why you feel you are "telling secrets?"
In may not look like it now, but in time you might feel like you are emotionally cleansed.....like you have a 'heaviness' lifted from you...once you let it out. It probally doesn't feel like it now, but in time it may? It will be like hell going through all these emotions now...but in time you come to peace with your emotions and gain your emotional strength back.

Can you call or email T? I've felt the same way in the past. Maybe because it is so ingrained in us not to tell, it's hard to let go of that feeling. Hang in there!

your telling T brought up all those deepset emotions you felt when younger. can you call T's office and request u be worked into the schedule earlier? all you need say is having a real rough time of it and really need to see T earlier if at all possible.

So sorry for what happened to you, nannypat.

There was just always this rule rule in my house growing up that what happens in this house stays in this house. It was also a very humiliating experience so I guess I would want to tell. I realize that was a long time ago but I still have so many feelings that are buried from so long ago. I am just a mess I guess. I am not sure where this is going in therapy but it sure does hurt. Thanks for your support.

I can e-mail him if I can put my feelings into words enough to make sense. I guess it is ingrained in us not to tell. Does that ever change? Thanks for your reply.

He just came back from a speaking trip/vacation so he is pretty booked, but i can try and e-mail him. I gues I just want to be sure I am not being ridiculous or over reacting. Thanks for taking the time to write.

Thanks for taking the time to be supportive.

Hello again, nannypat. You get to make the rules in your house. You are not being ridiculous or overreacting. You likely would benefit from the help of your therapist to make some sense about how you feel because of what you had to endure.

Good luck.

I'm sorry this happened to you (((Nannypat))). This must have been so traumatic for you and yes it's important for you to tell your T. Telling will help you release the pain. It's sad that some children are forced to believe these lies about not telling. They only say this to protect themselves, because if the secret came out, they would get in trouble.

How is person supposed to learn from being beaten and humiliated?? This is how they treat prisoners of war - removing their clothes to degrade and make them vulnerable. This isn't your secret...it's your fathers and he doesn't have the right to muffle your words or feelings. I hope you muster up the courage to say what was done wrong to you.

I finally e-mailed my T to tell him how the revelation during the session left me feeling rather upset. He did get back to me and understood that was probably the case,but how important it is to process this stuff to transform from a victim to a survivor and we will take as much time as needed to get through this. I feel a little bit less alone with this now.
Thank you all for the help.

I have to go back to my pmd that I had the session with last week that I ended up telling him some pretty private stuff and I can feel myself flushing with embarrassment already thinking about having to talk about it again. I usually want to go and hate when I have to leave but I was just such a mess last week it is hard to walk back in there. He has said he wants it to be a safe place for me and I guess I must be starting to feel that way if I said what I did, but I surprised myself when I said it, then couldn't do anything but cry.When I finally turned and looked at him, there was a tear falling down his face. Then I certainly didn't know how to feel. I think it is going to be hard to walk back in there this week.

Most of the time a therapist will not allow their patients to see their emotions so I'm surprised you saw him cry. That would have been difficult. Would it help to change to a less emotional therapist? I'm just so sorry this has happened to you but don't let it stop you from getting needed help even if it means changing to another therapist. ((())) of gentle support - Patricia

I am not uncomfortable about going back because I saw him shed a tear. I am uncomfortable because it was kind of embarrassing what I told him. I guess I never had anyone relate to me so much that he would feel my pain to the point it might make him emotional.
We have been working on building a trusting relationship. I have recently ended with a therapist that I had for 20+ years and it was an abrupt(no termination time ending. He suddenly lost his license)ending and I was badly hurt. He has help me through that.I will stick with him for a while and see how things go. Thank you for your support and hugs.