[Lexi232]

So.. i call the national suicide prevention lifeline, and wait to be routed.. i'm routed.. then i get a voice mail recording of "all agents are currently assisting other callers, please try your call again momentarily. if you are in immediate danger pleas hang up rightnow and call 9-1-1."
T.T ...

stupid yes?
Sorry just needed to vent about it.
*tries again*

[missbelle]

they should have enough phone lines to accomodate everyone. Thats really too bad because when you want to talk,YOU WANT TO TALK!!! You reach a point when you are scared to call but scared to not call...then you get that message. I am sorry this happened to you!!!

[Lexi232]

^^^exactly.. i get all nervous and stuff before i call but then i'm like "i have no other choice as far as i can see" (i've tried 4 times already). i'll keep trying tho.

[Rohag]

Lexi232, how are you today?

[heretohelpu]

Lexi if you need to talk I am available today. I have suffered with depression and can tell you that it will get better if you talk to someone. Let me know if you need to talk.

[Lexi232]

thanks. i'm doing betterish. i finally got through 2 hours later, but ended up being sent to the wrong state. so.. lol.. it was pointless for me. but i guess the time waisted on it wasn't really wasted because i actually passed some time with all this. one second at a time.

[Patriciann]

If I had called and heard the recording to call 911 for an emergency I don't know how well I would have handled that but you kept on trying until you got through and then to have been routed to the wrong state and still you see the positive of 'passing time' in the experience. I just think that it takes a very special, wonderful person to handle such an experience so well. I'm just very sorry that you are having to go through this. When my depression is severe I feel as though it may be pressing the life right out of me it hurts so terribly You are a very special person and I hope by the time you read this you are feeling better and if not I hope the pain is better soon and here are some gentle ((())) to give you a bit of comfort.

[turquoisesea]

(((Lexi)))) How are you today? Sorry the call didn't work out - I'd be so terrified to call those lines, I think I tried ones but couldn't keep talking so I hung up *hides*

But it sounds like you're having trouble right now do you want to talk about what's wrong, what's going on? I don't know if you have a therapist or doctor you could go to, please be safe

[Lexi232]

Thanks
i'm doing better in some areas and worse in others. :\ i guess its good to be better in some areas. but i think i'm detaching from reailty as a coping skill and i dont know if i'm okay with this or not...
I actually found this place on the internet that allows crisis email and crisis live chat, but it was in california and they were closed, (only open for live chat and responses through email between mon to friday for so many hours) lol. I would much rather a live chat thing.

I have so many things that has gathered up since the first of this year. that i've been holding inside and now theres too many to even speak on it all, and if i try certain times come out, at diffrent times, and it confuses people and even makes people think i'm changing my story (i'm not, its just diffrent instances. and difrfrent problems lol).

I dont have a therapist or a pdoc. I did.. i had a T until January, and then i had a pdoc until december. both quit. the pdoc quit on everyone and left. and the therapist quit when i wanted her to talk to my previous therapist about why i shouldn't move back to my parents, and she was trying to force me to go.
... but she wins... i've given up... and atleast i had support from the hospital when i was there.. i dont have anythign here.. no resources. no nothing.. I try and reach out and get nothing everytime. or leads that are just nothing. .... one reason why i'm so depressed is because i see no other way. its either go back, or i'm completely stuck. and i can't even sleep at night because my mind just wont stop. I have the mind issue even when i dont have issues. but now it's a all night thing to where i only get 2 hours of sleep if that.
:\

[embracinglife]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this Lexi. I feel like maybe I have been where you are....in my own way. I know what it is like to feel like you have to keep things inside and it is too overwhelming to tell people. I hope you can find another therapist. I feel like this would really help you--especially if you are having trouble talking to people that are understanding---therapists are generally a safe place to share.

Other safe places that I have found are al-anon, and adult children of alcoholics/dysfunctional families....I don't know if you have any reason to go to either of these, but if you find a good meeting they are pretty good---and can apply to other problems as well (not just if you have alcoholism in your family). I have had suicides in my family but the emotions are similar to what the al-anon people are going through.