Lost hope

I don't want to wake up in the morning that is how miserable i am. I don't want to get out of bed and haven't, except to use bathroom and get food and drink. I haven't been outdoors since last Monday. I need things from store and i need to do laundry. My bf gets certain things from store for me but he won't do a big shopping. He works and commutes and he's tired i don't like to ask him to help all the time when i'm home doing nothing. But i feel like i have been drugged or like i've lost a lot of blood or something, i feel so tired and weak. I've been crying, irritable and just wish God would let me die. I missed my therapist appt because i couldn't get up and out. I also am not feeling physically well. Going to therapy doesn't help anyway. She tries but i don't feel anyone can help me. I have messed up my life so much and i don't learn from mistakes. Now i'm in this horrible depression and I have no hope of ever getting better. This is no way to live. I am so miserable. I just needed to vent. Thanks,

Anjel

Are you OK? Is there anyone you can call or talk to? Do you wanna talk to me?

I've been there, too. Been in bed for 4 days, and only left to drag my butt to work. Didn't leave my apartment yesterday because I was feeling the same way.

I'm so sorry. Please - reach out if you can.

Anjelmarie, I have to ask: have you had a thorough physical lately, including a complete blood count (CBC)?

"Just because you're depressed doesn't mean you can't have other illnesses."

((((((((((((( angelmarie )))))))))))))

I have been stuck in bed for two days because of my disability. While I was working at getting the diagnosis the doctor mistakenly thought it was depression. Later I was sent to a rheumatologist and over two years he did a lot of different tests and spoke to my husband and me about my symptoms. He then gave me a diagnosis of CFIDS – Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. I have been completely disabled with this now for several years and take Adderall to help with symptoms. Here is the CFIDS Association of America’s website if you would like to look into it. http://www.cfids.org/ You may be coping with depression along with an undiagnosed illness. Sending you very gentle ((())) - Patricia

Thanks everyone for your responses. I do have physical problems that do contribute to my depression. I have been tested for lupus and arthritis because of my pain and fatigue and that was several years ago and the tests were negative so they told me they think its fibromyalgia. I take tramadol for pain but that is it. There is nothing to help my fatigue. I look online for alternative help and i am trying different things. But my outlook on my life and negative thinking and just my feeling that there is no hope for me is really bringing me down. I am trying to push myself to go to a depression group i found. I went yesterday and found people feeling somewhat the same way and people on disability like me and having the same shame of not being able to work and wanting to hide from people because of the shame. It would help me to have some energy because that keeps me from doing things i need to do or want to do. Also the pain sometimes keeps me in also. Anyway thanks for listening and responding.

Anjel

Hi Anjel,

Sorry you are in that pit. It may not be true of everybody, but here is something true for me. I suspect it may apply to others. Seems to me that depression is usually buddied up with an evil friend, or two, when it comes creeping into one's life. My depression has an evil friend call "social anxiety." Sometimes I think that "depression" couldn't grab ahold of me if it's evil friend did not make me feel like a misfit.

I really hope you can get better. Check and see if maybe you are battling against more than just depression.

Hello,

I am so sorry you are going through this, but when I read your post, it is a copycat version of me. You would not believe me if I told you how long it's been on and off that i get out of bed to do anything except go to the bathroom. It's an effort to do anything. I can tell you that all of my bloodwork has been normal, so def get that checked out and don't be afraid to. Please seek help and maybe try an anti-depressant. I just started a new one today. I know that the longer you try not to fight this, the worse it will become(my own personal experience).

You have nothing to be ashamed of either. Depression is an illness, just like a diabetic who has to have insulin. The loss of hope, ability to function, things that run through your head are what this illness does to you. It distorts your way of thinking, putting nothing but negativity in your head. The more negativity, the worse you will feel and the cycle continues. It's like a ball that spins over and over. Until you can slow that ball down, the cycle will go on and on. You are not alone and you are a human being that deserves to be happy and so am i. Please listen to the other people on here and 1st go and get a complete blood count, chemistry study and def have your thyroid checked. If all comes back good, then go from there. Fight the good fight right along with me and all the others.