[somebodyelse]

I have been withholding something from my therapist and he has realized it for the past several months. I told him that I had never discussed it with anyone and that I didn't think that I would ever discuss it with him. He's reminded me several times about the fact that I was holding something back from him and always said that whenever I felt ready he wanted us to talk about it.

Well, I've never felt ready to talk about it; but yesterday he became more insistant with me and got me to disclose it to him. I was miserable telling him about it, and I still am. He also expressed surprise about the subject and said something that makes me feel as if he now thinks I was never as strong a person as he had thought. He also wants to discuss it next week because it is something major, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. I realize that it's his job to get me to open up, but why couldn't he have given me more time on this one subject?

As if this wasn't already bad enough, he wants me to bring my husband into the discussion at some point in the future, which I definitely don't want to do.

Should I flatly refuse to talk to him about the subject? We have a great relationship and I don't want another therapist, but I really hate that he wants to focus on this subject that I've held to myself for more than 25 years.

Any suggestions?

Julie

[penna]

could you send him a letter telling him you don't want to discuss this and that you feel like he pressured you into telling him before you were ready? he'll want to talk about why you feel he pressured you (ie what he did that made you feel pressured) and why you didn't want to discuss this, but maybe that would be easier--and more productive--for you right now. i'd also tell him how you interpreted his comments after you revealed the information. if he's doing something that makes it more difficult for you to want to discuss things with him he definitely needs to know.

[somebodyelse]

Thanks for your input, penna. That's what I've been thinking of doing, but I needed to know if this is the right approach or whether I should try to endure the discussion, even though I already dread next week's session.

Julie

[Rapunzel]

Julie,

Tell him how you feel about discussing that subject. A letter is great. If you are that uncomfortable talking about it, being forced to talk about it more and to tell someone else about it probably isn't going to help at this point.

It sounds like it's a big issue and it probably does affect the rest of your treatment since you have such strong feelings about it, but making you uncomfortable over it just isn't going to help. Sometimes it can be very hard for counselors and therapists to maintain a nonjudgmental attitude, but showing a strong reaction to something that you are so uncomfortable about already really isn't helpful.

Unless, of course, this issue involves the potential for harm to you or someone else - then he's obligated to deal with it and/or report it.

In any case, let your therapist know how you feel about what he did. Maybe he doesn't know how much of a problem it is for you to talk about that particular issue.

Wishing You Well,
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[somebodyelse]

((((Wendy))))) and (((((penna)))))

Thanks so much, you guys. I emailed him awhile ago and he replied that we don't have to discuss it anymore. He also said that he thinks more of me each time that he talks to me and that yesterday was no exception.

I'm soooo relieved about this. Even if he brings it up again later (and he probably will) maybe he'll wait until I'm stronger before trying to delve into it.

I really appreciate your advice and support!

Julie