all lies

to those who think I am a caring person...or even wise (thanks Sky) it's all lies

I am the most worthless person on the earth.
I am full of black slime.
I hurt my mother.
I hurt someone here.

I should be punished for ever.
I shouldn't wake up tomorrow because I am a blot on this earth.
But my hell on earth will continue.
No hope for me

Alone
Frozen
Dead inside.....always was
Always unloveable (parents didnt love me)

A whining ******
A piece of smelly garbage
Hateful, hated

If I had one wish
It would be that this breath would be my last

don't believe those lies that depression is telling you! do you take the depression quiz here? it covers stuff like that... why? because that is what DEPRESSION tells us...

yes, it would be nice and easy to just not wake up in the morning... but I hope you do. Noone should be punished forever for being mentally unwell! we all hurt our mothers... it's part of our growing up and their growing old....

my T has enough hope for both of us ((((Fuzzybear))))))

Fuzzy, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but you know what the real lies are? It's what Depression makes you think about yourself!

You know... I'd hate to think you are calling those of us who love and care for you Liars. I for one don't spout "pretty words" just for the heck of it. I ALWAYS say what I mean and mean what I say.

I think you best be listening to those that love you instead of Devil Depression.

{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzwad}}}}}}}}}}}

I am with Sky Fuzzy..its the depression telling lies..Hey I am not dumb I don't think yoi are a saint ..I am not either but you are NOTHING like you are saying above..I know you feel it though

I'm not calling you liars if you care for me.... but my mistakes define me and make me worthless

I am not sure what to say without sounding like a whining arsehole or something else negative.... there are so many behaviours and feelings which are judged and condemned and I just feel like a lump of black garbage who is taking support which isn't deserved

mistakes do not define us. nope. fuzzy, you can say what you need to, depression takes a lot of talking to! it argues back! It's my support to give, you are taking it... I'm giving! grrrrrrrr what color is your cave, I want to match my room addition so it doesn't clash! black is easy... gray?

It's NOT your mistakes that define you. It's the lessons you learn from your mistakes.

fuzzy.......so sorry you are feeling bad honey bear but none of what you think is true.......that damn depression!!!!!!!.....i love you fuzzy wuzzy honey bear........

"there are so many behaviours and feelings which are judged and condemned"

I think this part is true.

You have to keep on trying like I do my friend. I can't tell you why we must do this but maybe one day we will know.

I love you! ((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))You are wonderful!

time0

Fuzzy-

I have been in the same place you are, and it is definately the depression talking. I could have written that same thing just before my many crashes. Try to take a deep breath, and then try to reach our for help. Not just here, though we all will try to help as much as possible, but call a therapist, a hot line, your family doctor, a clergy, whom ever. You really do sound like me prior to my crashes, so I hope you can muster the strength to get some professional help to get you to a point where depression isn't totally controlling you.

I hope this helps and doesn't make things worse for you. Hang in there, and try to be strong.

Love to you
bren

dont listen to the demon depression, it lies not you. i know your still in there somewhere just screamin too come out and beat this thing, i have faith in you.

Don't believe this stuff. You've done some things you don't like, but that doesn't make you all bad. You've also done a lot of things that are good -- do they count for anything? This is what depression does - convinces you that your mistakes matter but that your good actions don't.

{{{{Fuzzybear}}}}}}

>>but my mistakes define me

My dear Fuzzworthy...

Mistakes do not define us.

What does it mean to "define" oneself? That is something internal, and we can choose to define ourselves in any way we wish.

I could define myself as a lump of flesh, blood and bone.
I could define myself as my sentient spirit.
I could define myself by my sense of humor.
I could define myself as "a gay man".
I could define myself as a "mentally ill man."
I could define myself as a "short man."
I could define myself as a "man with arthritis."
I could define myself by my successes.
I could define myself by my failures.

But it would be silly to define myself by any of those narrow views, as each is only a part of who I am.

A more reasonable way to speak about "defining oneself" would be to take into account the way others see us. How we interact with them and how they perceive us. I interact with others as a man with a sense of humor and intelligence. Sometimes my arthritis and depression affect my behavior and ability to interact with others. I make mistakes and I do good things. This causes many people to like me and some to dislike me. It may become noticable to some that I am a gay man if Brad Pitt walks into a room. Others may never know this about me. I am the weighted sum of all of these behaviours, and other people will project their beliefs and prejudices onto me to varying degrees and will individually decide on my "worth" to them.

Look back at my first list of attributes. Depression will act as a filter, allowing me to believe only the negative traits, filtering out not only the positive ones, but also the objective ones. Depression leaves me feeling like a short, depressed man who cannot live his life to its fullest because of his arthritis and who is in a very bad position due to the mistakes I have made in life. Depression only lets me see a small part of "who I am" and believe it to also be the way the world percieves me.

Look at how we here percieve you my fuzziness. We all love you, care about you, and find you valuable to our lives. When I returned here after my relapse, my most comforting moment was receiving a large, lopsidded hug from you in chat. I was typing a lopsided hug to you at the exact same time... I don't know if you knew that... you beat me to the "send" button . But it really gave me a sense of comfort and gave me back my sense of connection to this place as a community after my absense.

I don't know who or how you think you hurt someone. We all make mistakes. If you hurt someone, the best you can do is to apologize, it is then up to that person to understand and forgive. Not everyone will, because as I said above, they view us with their own beliefs and prejudices in place. The responsibility for that is as much on them as it is on you. If they do forgive you, you can not continue to beat yourself up about it, you must accept their forgiveness and realize that often an even stronger bond is in place afterward.

In any case, it is only one very small part of the overall picture of "who you are." Depression blows it up big like a funhouse mirror but it does not negate all of the good about you and all the people who care.

{{{{FuzzyWuzzy}}}}

thanks for your replies, I do appreciate them

I wish I could reply to you all individually

(still here.... ugh)

xoxo
Fuzzy

That's depression talking, I'd bet my house on it. Depression lies.

((((fuzzybear))))

Sending warm and caring energy your way...

gg

Dex..you have really contributed some wonderful posts here..and have given me much to think about. Thx

TGC

Thanks (((((((((((Gardenergirl)))))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy

(((((( dottie ))))))) I agree...

so maybe my stinking presence does have some value..... even if I am unhelpeable, others will benefit from the replies to me.
That is probably "passive aggressive" bullsh*t what I have just written. But too bad
This is my stuff... not to anyone else.

Take care
Fuzzy

BLECH

delete delete grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

&^^%&^%%^(*&^%$@@@

((((fuzzy))))

It will get better. Promise. Wish I could make it better right now.

gg

(((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))) I don't believe any of those things about you. Wish I could help you not to believe them either. Depression is a monster!!!

((( ((( (((((<font color="red">FUZZY</font>))))) ))) )))

time0

Thank you! (((((((((( gg, ozzie, Time0 )))))))))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SeptemberMorn said:
It's NOT your mistakes that define you. It's the lessons you learn from your mistakes.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

very very well said, that's my view entirely. fuzzy, it's hard, but you are not the sum of your mistakes, people care about you, which says an awful lot - listen to them, not the depression, it's distorting things.

i hope you feel better