knowing, thinking maybe? BAD PLACE

I have been in such a really down mood. I have no idea how to get out of it.....yeah i smile to make others happy.....yeah i put a brave face on and not let them see im ill... yeah i put on a really good act for everyone so they cant see how hurt i am or thhat im ill. Its like everything i loved is being taken away from me and all the things that i love to do has just gone.....one minute i would dance and dance and dance b/c i love to dance but now i dont dance anymore.....i lost my gift....i think other have seen this now....christmas, birthday parties, any party i would always be on the dance floor dancing and having everyone look at me and enjoy watching me but these days i just sit there and wont move, i would be in my own little world, depressed little world when no one loves me or wants me, im hate by loads of people, being told i shouldnt be here, im a mistake, all i have wanted to do is SI for the pass couple of days but i came on here and Tarmyg has been a real help with that (thank you tarmy) but its still here with me still wanting to.....it was only last night that i got even closer to the edge of killing myself I find if i tell someone its less likely of me to do it but if i keep it to myself then i just go ahead and do it without people knowing till they see.

Am i so bad for already knowing ways of killing myself? this is something i havent gone into much detail with my T b/c not sure what she would say or do, plus she recently told me i need more help than she can offer b/c shes not qualified for the help that i need so i have to start over is it just me? am i just being stupid? I think others will be better off without me in their lifes b/c im just not me anymore and whos wants someone who is depressed in their lives for? if only they knew but they dont... i want to give up now

I wasnt sure to post to this or not, bcause i dont want to say the wrong thing, but u need to know ur not going to feel this way forever. a reason you may be feeling ill is because depression manifests itself physically someway , just a thought. I know ur in a deep dark spot in ur life, but know ur not alone. You are loved, think,,.... think of the people who DO love u,the people who would be devasted if u did commit suicide. I think u need a new T, one who u can talk to and be honest with and they have the means to help u, and I think u need a change of meds, Im no dr but I can see that u have gone downhill lately and u need something to happen and quickly. please focus on getting better and doing what u need to do to get there. There are a lot of people that care about u here, and we are here if u need us,
hugs
Beth

Thank you sooo much beth

Beth is right--you can't see that there is a better life for you ahead, because of your depression. It's making everything black right now. It WILL get better. Do call your T and ask her to recommend someone for you, and make an emergency appt. for you with that person as you are feeling worse than you have told her. Then if you really get to a bad place, call a suicide hotline. There will be soothing people there who can suggest ways you can cope to get through your bad patch. I've called them a couple of times myself. And you can always come back and write to us here--there is always someone to listen. Sending you hugs!

Thank you, i think i am goning to ring them has im feeling worse and ready to end it so i think i better ring them, thank you for posting

i know how you are feeling...just think, this is as far as you've come...try and make it longer..

Thank you lxegirl