depression and guests

I have a friend coming to stay with me for three weeks. She's flown all the way to Scotland from Canada and I really want to be a good host but my depression has got me feeling really lethargic lately. On top of that, since I started taking lithium two weeks ago I've started experiencing hand tremors and muscular ticks, which I'm told are probably temporary but are still making simple things, like holding a pen or feeding myself kind of difficult (I have a doctor's appointment on Monday so I'll bring it up with him then).

I want my friend to have a good trip. When we planned this, I was feeling well, so I didn't really plan for my depression to get in the way. We've known each other for 18 years and she's aware of my depression, so it's not like I'm afraid of her finding out, I just don't want to drag her down with me. On the one hand I think having her company will be really helpful, but on the other hand my mood swings have been such that I've been purposely avoiding people so I don't snap at them for no reason or burst into tears in public. I have very little energy these days and I can only really function properly in short spurts.

I want to tell my friend about this but I'm not really sure how to bring it up. I don't want to make a big deal of this, and I don't want to be a downer on her first trip overseas. Even though my closest friends know about my depression, I still find it hard to talk about with them because I don't like them to worry or to be a "debbie downer". Any suggestions on how best to handle my depression while my friend is here?

i think if shes a true friend simple honesty is the best way to go.
Id tell her something rather similar to what you have said here!!!

She is a friend. I would tell her how you feel. Who knows, that visit may help that depression to lift a little. Enjoy that visit with the friend!!!

I agree... just tell her everything you wrote here. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that the serious depression is a major illnesss like any other. If it was cancer (or something) it might be more familiar, but the discussion might be similar - ie. "Some days are better than others. Some days I'm flat out. The new medication is having x effect. Please bear with me. I am reallly happy to have you here..."

I agree with the other replies. You could either call her up and say how excited you are that she's coming but that you just want to warn her. Or you could wait till she's there and bring it up as a sort of apology. Keep in mind that it's not your fault and that you should not feel guilty for this happening. I'm sure youre friend can still enjoy her trip!!!! (not to mention if I were your friend I'd be glad to see you regardless)



(((((((rebecca)))))

... just wanted to add that I can relate. I have some old friends that wanted to do a bi-yearly get together next month (stay over in a hotel and all that). I haven't been in the best place and I just started a new medication and have felt a little out of it. I wasn't sure what to say. In the end I said I would maybe meet up with them for the day. I know it's important to reach out in order to try and keep the relationships I do have. They're very nice people. I'm just not always sure how to practice self-care at the same time...

(((((((((((JustFloating)))))))))))

I agree with the others. I think your friend will understand. Explain what is going on and that some days it may be easier if she is able to go out on her own to sight see. Then you could meet her for meals or something. You could come up with a list of tourist places that people would like to see when they visit your area. It will be okay.

Rebecca
Your experience with depression will probably be different than mine. I'm in my late 40s and male, you're (I guess) in your 20s and female, but I find that my experience is that I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next.

That said, I think it's probably a good thing overall that you're having a friend visit. I've had friends from jr. high come visit me each year for the past three years, and I think it's helped a lot. I haven't always felt like doing stuff with them, but I act as if I do and try to push through the uncomfortable feelings. It doesn't always completely work, but you may get to a point where you find you're enjoying yourself.

I had hoped to find some quotes on this, but alas...

Thanks all.

My friend has been here for a few days, and we've had quite a bit of fun, but I'm beginning to feel a bit drained. It's not that we've even done anything terribly taxing, it's just hard for me to be around anyone, even someone I've known my whole life, for this long. I think that I'm very much a loner by nature and too much contact with other people is just draining. I feel bad for being tired out because it's only been three days, but I'm feeling so heavy. I don't think it's really showing because I've been fairly alert and "with it". What's weird is that normally I'd send this friend an email to say how low I've been feeling, but faced with the prospect of telling her in person, while she's staying with me ... I just can't. Every time I try, I smile and tell a joke or something instead. This would almost be easier if I were still catatonic the way I was a few weeks ago, before the new medication set in and made me a functioning human being again...

(((((((((((((justfloating)))))))))))))))

Hi. I'm glad that you are having fun with your friend. I understand it being draining spending time with other people. I know it is harder to tell people in person about how you are feeling. Could you say that you need to get some extra rest and ask her if there is somewhere she could go on her own so you can get some rest?

I'm glad that you're able to enjoy your friend being around, but I totally understand finding the 24/7 interaction draining.

I totally relate to this. It can be so much more difficult to open up in person than it is via a computer (hence why I like PC! lol)

Do you feel like you almost don't 'deserve' to still feel low and easily exhausted given that you're not catatonic anymore?! I understand that, but I don't think it's true. Just because you're not as bad as you were a few weeks ago (thankfully!) doesn't mean that you're not still depressed and finding social interaction draining, especially when it is so intense with your friend staying with you.

Is there any way you can get her to spend some time on her own exploring? Maybe say you have Uni work to do or something? Or bite the bullet and be honest with her - say you need an evening 'off' or something eg watch a dvd together where you are still spending time together but you don't have to talk or think for a bit?

Anyway hope you can manage to enjoy the rest of your friend's trip without completely exhausting yourself

*Willow*

((((((Rebecca)))))))))

Hello,

I'm new on here. I just wanted to say that I think you are doing well to have your friend visiting despite feeling so low. Like you I find it much easier to discuss depression with people by email rather than face to face, and I would find it very intense and quite uncomfortable to have someone staying. I agree what otehr people say, but just wanted to add that I hope you and you friend have some good moments together in the midst of your illness, and I hope you'll allow her to treat you as you deserve some extra care and love while you are feeling like this. Take plenty of rest because it is tiring having a guest at the best of times!

((((((((((((justfloating)))))))))))))

How is it going?

Thanks all.

I'm doing better. My friend and I have been having a lot of fun. And I've been getting some alone time because I need to study for exams so I don't have to deal with the stress of being a host 24/7. It's weird because I don't see her for months at a time since we go to school in different countries, and I forget sometimes how similar we are. I think that really works in our favour. Anyway I'm trying to balance taking it easy on my own, studying, and spending time with her as well as I can. We're going to take a trip to London when my exams are done to celebrate, so I'm really looking forward to that.

I appreciate everyone's kind words of support. It really means a lot to me.

That is so great to hear. Yay for almost being done with school. It is so great to reconnect with friends.

Pax vobiscum.

Yay I'm glad this is a good thing so far =)