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  #1  
Old May 05, 2011, 06:27 PM
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iamspecial iamspecial is offline
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can it get better? being so badly depressed? i have lost someone so dear to me and she has no idea that its not helping me in anyway, the way i felt the last time i spoke with her are just making me feel 1000000000000000000000000......% worse and not helping me. i have tried and tried to get hold of her but i done get a responce and now to top it all off b/c i havent heard from her i think she has ended her life b/c of me but i dont know b/c she hasnt got back to me which it looks like its possible.

My depression just seems to be getting worse these days and nothing that normaly work are working for me anymore, yes i want to give up but i know it will hurt alot of people so im suffering instead, the pain, the hurt, the tears i have cryed and all the strength not to SI (i havent SI in about 2 months now but its been really hard not to do it but my fight isnt over yet i still want to SI but im not so for...fingers crossed) i just dont know what to do anymore............im lost now with no one...........i push them away and now look...i have no one
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just really down

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again

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  #2  
Old May 05, 2011, 09:46 PM
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Elana05 Elana05 is offline
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(((iamspecial)))
I hear you and can relate. I have pushed people away when I haven't felt well. Also some just can't relate to the issue of depression. Hang in there. Do you have a therapist you can call on? Sending many supportive thoughts your way.
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Keep this in mind, that you are important.
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #3  
Old May 05, 2011, 10:12 PM
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Now, iamspecial, please don't jump to conclusions here about your friend. She might be just not answering the phone because she is depressed. Or she may be in the hospital, a good place for someone who is very depressed as she must be, or you wouldn't be worried about her. But if something were to happen, it WOULD NOT BE YOUR FAULT! You are not responsible for her--she is. You are only responsible for yourself. Have a concern, yes, do keep trying to reach her, yes, but don't think the worst. It probably isn't the case. Why don't you take the time to write your friend a letter and tell her the things you'd like to...the things you cherish about her and your friendship. That would be a positive way to fill the time and think about your friend, rather than conjuring up images of the worst, occupy yourself with that.

And be kind to yourself--you deserve it, for caring about your friend!
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #4  
Old May 06, 2011, 11:37 AM
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iamspecial iamspecial is offline
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i have been trying to get hold of her and sending her messages but get nothing back (5 days now!) My therapist keeps saying its not my fault and that i dont know if she has or not (which is true i guess) anyway it doesnt matter now she read my poem on here and finally got in touch with me today (im hppy about it but still very hurt) i wont beat myself up that much now, i just thank god she got in touch with me. i cried reading her email b/c it was good knowing she was ok. Thank you for posting and helping, means a lot.....
__________________
just really down

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
Thanks for this!
online user
  #5  
Old May 06, 2011, 05:07 PM
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SO glad your friend is OK! Glad you talked with your T about this too. You WILL get better, and I hope soon--no one deserves to be so sad!
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #6  
Old May 07, 2011, 08:39 AM
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iamspecial iamspecial is offline
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Thank you but i still feel really bad, her getting in touch was just a little part of how i feel and now she has been in touch im not too bad but i still feel the fight isnt worth it but hey i dont believe in giving up soooo easily so fighting it is!! i have learnt that if you want something really bad then you have to fight and fight or you will never get anything in life so i guess when i feel so down i just need to remember that. thank you for your comments means a lot
__________________
just really down

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
Thanks for this!
online user, Thimble
  #7  
Old May 07, 2011, 05:25 PM
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finonaey finonaey is offline
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((((special)))) glad she got in contact with you!!! I hope you can now let your mind rest.
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #8  
Old May 07, 2011, 06:30 PM
Thimble Thimble is offline
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Just wanted to send some extra support your way That is a great fighting attitude - please keep hanging in there and I hope things get all around better for you soon.
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #9  
Old May 07, 2011, 07:04 PM
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iamspecial iamspecial is offline
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Thank you fin....sorry i missed you please come back!!

Thank you Thimble for the support means alot and im trying i really am

__________________
just really down

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
  #10  
Old May 08, 2011, 01:29 AM
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Glad you have the fighting spirit! It was touching that you were so concerned for your friend. Now you are showing concern for yourself, too, which is great. You deserve to be taken care of, too. Hope things are going better for you and you are starting to feel good.
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #11  
Old May 08, 2011, 09:01 AM
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iamspecial iamspecial is offline
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Thank you online user....means a lot
__________________
just really down

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
Thanks for this!
online user
  #12  
Old May 08, 2011, 07:05 PM
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online user online user is offline
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You are welcome, dear! I know you would be there with a kind word for me if I suffered some new hurt!
Thanks for this!
iamspecial
  #13  
Old May 09, 2011, 01:56 PM
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iamspecial iamspecial is offline
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I deffo would!!!! you are right thank you again
__________________
just really down

Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.

iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
Thanks for this!
online user
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