56 and up the creek

I'm 56 years old and have been unemplyoed for the past 8 years+ - maybe 10. My life is basically ruined - my credit is shot. My wife has a job and I've been stuck at home. I would love to work but can't find anything at my age and with my huge gap in employment. I would like to simply write and paint but there's no money in that. I'm a musician too and we all know that no one needs a jazz guitar player anymore.

So I had this flash realization and a huge surge of relief today when the idea of suicide crossed my mind. It actually concerns me deeply. I didn't realize things were that bad. I'm in great shape physically save for some arthritis in my neck and back. Anyway, the wave of relief was so strong it frightened me a bit. I do not want to embarrass my family or hurt my wonderful grand daughter who loves me (she's 7). My grandfather killed himself when he was only 62. He had depression issues I think and I have been diagnosed with severe depression in the past but had been treated and feeling ok for the last 3 years.

If I had the financial misery off my back, I would feel great I believe. But at my age and circumstances, I'll never get a decent job again. I truly believe fnancial relief would help me out of this nightmare. Any ideas? Thank you for reading this message. I have no friends and have been living a very isolated life for many many years. Marriage is lousy - have one son 17 years old. I have failed him as well - he wants to go to college after next year and I am terrified that he won't have the money because of me.

You'll have to start somewhere. After a long break from employment, it is like starting over. You may not find what you consider a decent job now but you may find a job that can be a stepping stone along the path that you want to take. And any job will provide you with more feelings of self-worth and purpose.

Are you seeing a therapist who can help you out of this place where you are and no longer want to be?

The relief - and even joyful - feelings from envisioning suicide as a logical solution comes from wanting a solution and feeling there are few or no options.
Suicidal feelings are also a statement that says "I feel THIS much pain about...". And they are just thoughts and don't have to be acted on. What can be acted on is that desire for a solution, evident in the solution you came up with and evident in your post that reaches out to others for their thoughts. It says "I want to do something about this, but I don't know what to do, I don't know where to start, I don't know if I can do it, and I feel alone trying to figure it out."

You aren't alone here.
And in therapy, you will have someone to help you figure it out and who will support you, listen to your fears, your hopes, your desires, and who will help you find your solutions.

We start where we are. It's the only place we can be and we work toward being where we want to be.

Thanks for the reply. I have considered all the things you stated in the past. I'm not in a position financially to afford a therapist. If there was someone who could help me get reconnected, that would be helpful. Employment agencies I have contacted are not interested in me - too much work involved I suppose. The big problem is being isolated with no contacts. I have done volunteer work but with the economy so bad, no opportunities came from those efforts. It's really quite a corner I find myself painted into. I am really at a loss on how to proceed. After so many years of just plain bad luck, perhaps something positive will happen one of these days. At this point, the battle to win is the one going on in my head - staying upbeat and positive, focused and active. thanks again. If anyone out there has any ideas they would like to share, I'm all ears.

Hi ~ It's really unfair that a man your age, with loads of life experience, cannot find a job. Instead, they hire teenagers who will jump from job to job and half the time not show up at all.

Are you handy with tools? Can you make repairs around the house, i.e. plumbing, wiring? Do you do any woodworking? Can you build yard ornaments that you see in people's yards, i.e. windmills, etc.? Just trying to think what you might do to earn some $$$. Caring for people's lawn can earn you quite a bit of money these days -- with the cost of gas & labor, it's pretty profitable, at least around here in Michigan!!! I have close to an acre of yard, and JUST mowing & weed-whacking costs me $75.00. Of course, he has a rider-mower.

Please don't be thinking in terms of suicide -- remember that it's a Permanent solution to a Temporary problem. And you have NO idea of the trauma it causes the people left behind. It causes guilt, questions, interminable grief. Nothing is that bad ~ you're a vital, important person. Something WILL come up. God bless and prayers coming your way. Hugs, Lee

Damn, sounds like you've got your share of battle scars. Right now you seem to have hit rock bottom and are thinking about suicide to end it all... pretty lame man. I'm in my early 20's and have had to earn all of my own cash and I built my own business from the ground up (starting with less than $300). I am now pulling in $1000 per month, and it was a ton of hard work, but at least it's something and I'm in full control of my business.

I created websites, wrote articles, marketed without much to my name and kept working my ***** off. I didn't make any money for the first 3 months and was working 16+ hour days. Then I made about $200 in the 4th month, and $500 in the 5th and although I haven't been working as much on my business lately, I know it is certainly possible to go from not having much to earning plenty of money. Although you may feel like complete sh#t right now, money really doesn't have to have power over your life... It only has power if you give it power. Money is just a piece of paper, doesn't really mean as much as you may think.

Anyways, if having the "financial misery" off your back will make you "feel great," you have plenty of hope. All you need to do is make some money. It's something you're going to have to work for, but once you make the money and look back at your situation to see how far you came, you will be grateful for the experience more than having a million dollars grow on a tree in your backyard. Accomplishment and achievement trump getting cheated on the journey by having something "handed to you."

Honestly, your son can likely get financial aid for college. My brother did, my friends did, it's common. Not everyone has what it takes to pay for college... I know it's tough for people your age to find work. I have parents in their 50's and both were out of work for over a year (one for 2+ years). It was extremely distressing for them, but they kept looking and kept applying and something eventually did click because both of them are back at work. I'm not saying your situation isn't tough because it may seem f#cking ridiculously tough, but having a bad attitude leads to lack of effort in my opinion. You've got to man up and take full responsibility for your situation in order to improve things.

You've got to keep griding and keep pushing forward. Learn a new trade, read what other people are doing to make money, talk to people, and keep moving in the direction you want. Set a goal for yourself and build off of that. Maybe set the goal of applying for a certain number of jobs each week and making contacts each week. Maybe try to learn a new skill... My point is that there are plenty of things that can be done even though you feel like there aren't right now.

"Write" and "paint" huh? How do you think writers and painters make money today? Obviously there are different strategies, but you could start your own blog, freelance write, work for textbroker, or write your own damn book, etc. There are tons of ways. Painting obviously you need to get creative and good at, but it's not like there is "no hope." If you are good, people will buy your paintings, simple as that.

Good to get out your emotions if you felt suicidal for sure. Things are only as bad as you perceive them to be. If you want to live and care about your family, you will work hard to get back on the right track. Nobody said that life was easy...

I'll re-quote what you wrote. Obviously you know what would make you "feel great" - so why not go out and work on getting it. This is one of my favorite bloggers, so I'll share a post with you that I think may help you out: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...al-turnaround/

I've been suicidal for the past 100+ days man simply because I don't get any pleasure out of life and have philosophically convinced myself that there is no point in living as long as possible. I'm trying to help people on here before I end things though so that at least I'll have shared some of my advice with people that know they could be happier if they were able to create the reality that they really want for themselves. Keep in mind that complaining about your situation does not change its existence; setting goals and working towards those goals (no matter how tough) can change your reality though.

I do wish you nothing but the best and hope you make the conscious choice to turn things around. Bless you and your family. Feel free to keep posting here as a way of coping, I know it's tough.