[Overcastbutclearing]

So, I have been doing ok. Getting things out that needed to be purged from my soul.
Now...with the completion of Thanksgiving day I am starting to worry that I in fact am not strong enough to make it through the Holidays.
I have these crazy thoughts that slip into my mind. I am trying to deflect them as best as I can but some are so intense they are starting to penetrate.
Makes me question life.

[(JD)]

Yes deflect them as best you can... try not to look too many days in the face at once... mindfulness comes in handy during these times... what are you doing right now (and ONLY what you are doing right now) put your thoughts into that and not into what if'ing or worrying about "the holidays" they are so overwhelming, yes?!

[Overcastbutclearing]

My head is not doing well.
F*U*c*K all of this.
I cannot take it anymore.
My head is pounding w/ thoughts....bad thoughts.
Does anyone here even give a s*h*i*t?

[(JD)]

((((sjj))) is there someone you can call IRL? You can PM the admin or mod who's here right now, too....

Hi Suzan,
Please, stop telling yourself that you're not strong enough because you are strong enough.
Can you find an activity you enjoy doing that'll keep you from thinking too much? I like to play my guitar when the wheels keep spinning. It may sound silly but I play the Beatles tune "Let it be" over and over again sometimes and it calms my mind.
I don't know what activities you like to do but there must be something to help you to refocus and deflect those crazy thoughts.
You're going to be all right. The holidays will be over with before you know it and then you'll have taxes to worry about! Yippee! Just kidding.
I think there are many people who give a crap. I hope you can think of them when you're feeling down and not feel alone.
Hang in there. You're going to be fine.
(((((((((((Suz)))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((Suz))))))))))))

Hoping today brings some peace
bsb

[Overcastbutclearing]

Thanks _sky and Jax & fuzzybear
My life flashed before my eyes 15 minutes ago when we got in and saw tons of firetrucks in front of our apt building.
Maybe you don't remember...but we lost everything in a fire on June 24. So..........
Everything is okay here. But, it made me think I am never going to heal from depression. Never going to get the sight of the man who abused me out of my head and be able to be whole.
I am dirty, useless and worthless and do not deserve to take your oxygen away from you!

[Azalysa]

{{{{Suz}}}} Just a note to let you know I care.

My dear friend!

So sorry to read that you´re feeling so down and worthless. But I want you ton know that you´re worth more than diamonds in my eyes! You´ve been such a good friend to me and I want to be as supportive to you as you´ve been to me.

You´ve moved in to a special place in my heart! Things that happened to you in the past are forming you, I know... But you see... your life isn´t in the past, it´s today and in the future ahead. You´re being loved... Anyone can see that just by reading all nice things people have written to you. You´re a good person! We like YOU! You´re Suz, you´re not "the abused".
I´m here for you when ever you need me! I`m your friend in sorrow and in pain, in joy and laughter.

Hugs
Ninni

[(JD)]

(((sj))) how traumatic again! Yeah, it does seem endless, doesn't it? I hope you can keep going... and have someone IRL who will continue to encourage you day to day.

[dottie]

Hey there! I care SJ. That's what I am here for. I may not answer every post...because some times I feel that words just don't cut it. Life is a huge s truggle. Remember to take one step at a time.

[Parker10]

Hey SJ.......sorry I have not been on the boards for several days, but you KNOW I care, and you know how to get in touch if you ever need to talk ! I am sorry you are having alot to deal with, but please stay safe!

I wasn't around here too much either. Busy working, trying to gather enough money to pay my next rent and medications.

I care about you!

The only thing that comes to my mind right now is:
"Do not let him win!"
"Do not give him the sastifaction of making you miserable after all these years!"
"Trow him out of your life!"

((((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))))))

[Overcastbutclearing]

So many of you have been so supportive.
I am sorry I am going through this hard time and taking your time up.

[ozzie]

We always have time for you ((((((((((Susan Jane)))))))))))

[Overcastbutclearing]

Very bad today for me today.
May not return.
Not sure yet.
On my way out for a drive to figure out what would be best.
Thank you everyone here...
Sorry I am so screwed up!

[(JD)]

drive safely... and come back... hey, we understand you because we're messed up "too" !

I'm here (((((((((((sj)))))))))))))). you are strong enough. it just takes trying to believe that. the holidays are zapping me too. maybe if the two of us keep saying I'm not going to give in, Im not going to give in we can beat this.. Hang in there. January is just around the corner and then the hardest part is done.. breath breath I can n make it. You can make it you can make it...

[Overcastbutclearing]

Ok..I did come back. But, I wasn't sure there for a few hours if I wanted to really do this "life" thing anymore.
I am still battling my feelings, my thoughts, my hurts, my anger, my trauma.
I came home and told Maryann my head isn't good. So, she knows now that I am not centered and a little S~. That is all I can do to remain safe for now.

Hold on tight! (((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Susan))))))))))))))))))))))))

I AM HERE FOR YOU. Please remember that OK.

Like Time0 said, Hang on tight.


Love,


Jen