all this for no reason?

Let me start off by saying.. there was a time not so long ago that i was the most upbeat, happy, positive person anyone meet. I dont know what has happened that made me into this sad, sad person.

I started having panic attacks, went to the doctor and they sent me for a mental health eval. next thing i know anxiety started and i had horrible intrusive thoughts and could barely sleep. My doctor prescribed me lorazepan, but after a little while i couldnt bear the side effects anymore and I told him i thought i could beat it without medicine. Now, all of a sudden after about 2 weeks of being not so bad, I get thrown into this horrible depression with thoughts of suicide and fear of losing control. I just dont understand. I have so many happy things in my life. I shouldnt feel like this. I will say, that I can totally understand how a person would think this will never go away, because thinking back to my panic makes me scared, and thinking back to my anxiety makes me shake. now, i wonder if i will ever be able to forget the fact that i have contemplated suicide. This is so not "me".

I have gone over it and over it and none of this has a trigger except for every day stress.

Any help or insight is appreciated..

If you have taken inventory of your stresses, then I would look at the meds. How long did you take that particular benzo? How long was the tapper off period? Could be withdrawal symptoms or side effects.

I took it for only a few days.. i know benzo's tend to have horrible withdrawl symptoms... but i stopped taking them weeks ago. I just got my wisdom teeth out and i think maybe the morphine and anesthesia may have messed with my chemistry.. but i have never gone from good to horrible in a matter of a day. I have been crying and crying and just really sad. I am going to call my Dr. on monday to see if we can try meds.. i was thinking SSRI's? I am worried about things that may change "me" i want to still be the same person, just happy and anxiety free.. i dont want to be a zombie.

Meditation is helpful but ask your doctor about it first of all. Calming mind is always helpful.