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  #1  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 10:55 AM
Overcastbutclearing Overcastbutclearing is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2005
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It was a very emotional night last night for me. I am thankful that somewhere deep down inside of me, despite my feelings for wanting to be unsafe I remained SAFE.
I want to continue to remain SAFE!
I purged my soul last night w/ sobbing and tears and just trying to figure out where I started letting the black darkness to consume me.
I have to retrace some steps I made earlier to begin healing. But, I want to do this because it is important to me to be healthy.
My soul feels lighter despite the exhaustion from my breakdown last night.
I came close to breaking my promise to my T that I would remain safe and I feel very ashamed about that.
I am going to commit to following all of her instructions no matter whether I agree or disagree with them because I am in no position to debate them right now.
I JUST WANNA FEEL BETTER!

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  #2  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 11:37 AM
Parker10 Parker10 is offline
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WOW !!!! I am so glad to hear that you are committed to continuing to stay safe and working with your T !!! Awesome step Suz !!!

I am sorry last night was so draining, but hopefully the purging will be of great help in your road to being happy !!!!! Keep on keepin on!!!!!!!!!
  #3  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 01:57 PM
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ozzie ozzie is offline
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(((((((((Susan Jane)))))))))) I'm glad you're safe.
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  #4  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 02:10 PM
Overcastbutclearing Overcastbutclearing is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,033
(((Parker))) (((Ozzie)))
Thanks for the support. I want to always remain safe. But, I know that when things turn bad/dark...that I have people who are watching my back and making sure I am safe.
I do feel very drained today...can take a lot out of a person when their head is all over the place between safety and impulse.
I want to HEAL. I want to show myself, if no one else, that I am worthy of this life. That I have good in my heart.
I am not there yet...but I am climbing the ladder one rung at a time. And, I know if I slip and fall down a few rungs that I have the determination to try again!
Life...it is an uphill battle...but once you reach the top of that mountain the view is totally amazing and breath taking!
  #5  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 03:26 PM
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DaveyJones DaveyJones is offline
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wow...I've been really worried about you, ((((sj))))...it sounds like you turned a corner. Keep it goin', girl!!!!

DJ
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Peace,
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"Maturity is nothing more than a firmer grasp of cause and effect."
-Bob

"and the angels, and the devils,
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  #6  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 03:40 PM
Lexicon78 Lexicon78 is offline
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I'm so glad you stayed safe even though you did not want to. That's wonderful! In our darkest hours it's amazing how sometimes great things come out of it.

Hang in there, stay safe, and stay strong!
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  #7  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 03:57 PM
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Azalysa Azalysa is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 737
{{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}}}

Sooo proud of you! And I totally agree with the title of this post. It is hell to go through, but I *know* there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel again!

Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up
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Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up
  #8  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 04:24 PM
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BlueFaith BlueFaith is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2005
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(((((SusanJane)))))
I have faith in you, too. I *know* you can do this. Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up
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Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need."
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  #9  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 05:06 PM
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seeker1950 seeker1950 is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2005
Location: WV
Posts: 8,131
You'll crawl out of the abyss, SJ....I did, and I thought there would be no end to it. In the end, I attribute much of the healing to TIME. It just takes a damn long time, but you WILL get there.
Seeker
  #10  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 07:01 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
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Posts: 96,637
((((((((((((((((Suz)))))))))))))))))

bsb
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  #11  
Old Dec 08, 2005, 07:16 PM
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(JD) (JD) is offline
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Location: Coram Deo
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((((sj)))) good job! Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up

Yes, remembering the words our T's give us... and following them "no matter what" and especially when we aren't thinking well for ourselves... is a path to healing.

I, too, hate it that it's so slow.
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Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up
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  #12  
Old Dec 09, 2005, 03:14 PM
Overcastbutclearing Overcastbutclearing is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,033
Thanks you guys.
I am regaining a little more strength.
I had to totally cleanse my soul which I did sobbing and wailing Weds. night.
I do have so many reasons to be alive.
And, today, I want to be happy and healthy in my head.
So...the journey of healing continues. 2 Steps forward, one step back...it's still a step forward right!
  #13  
Old Dec 10, 2005, 11:50 AM
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((((((((((Susan)))))))))))
A million hugs for you!!!!!
You're releasing and that is soooo good. I know it's very painful but I am so happy for you because in spite of your pain you're being a real trooper and staying safe.
A million more hugs!!! Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up Sometimes you have to break totally down to start building back up
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