[Shadow Wraith]

I have felt down most of my life. I am currently dealing with something somewhere between dysthymia and major depression, anxiety, and ADD. I know it may pathetic sounding but I feel like nobody cares about me. I feel as though I just annoy and make people mad at me. I feel like I just want to hide and isolate myself from everyone. Then I won't have to deal with the rejection that seems to follow me throughout my life. I don't believe I am very likeable. My wife keeps acting like she wants to be with me...then she goes back to wanting a divorce. The sad thing is that I haven't gone and gotten one myself. I've let her just string me out on false hope. In addition, people have tended to avoid me. I end up being alone anyway in the end. I'm so tired of trying. I started IMing a couple of women who are experiencing a separation like myself. Obviously I said something wrong or made a bad impression. Obviously they didn't like me. It is true that they may have been away from there computers or some other reason. However, this pattern has repeated itself over and over again.

Why can't I just be someone who has an ounce of charisma? What am I doing wrong? If someone were to ask my soon to be ex wife, she probably point out many things about that are wrong with me. I don't feel important when she doesn't listen to me. She assumes and jumps to conclusions about many things I say. It's like they say, "walking through a minefield. After talking to her tonight, and hearing again she wants a divorce, I just feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm not likeable or loveable. The ironic thing is that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy/vicious cycle in which I believe bad things about myself and they happen. However, I try to be positive only to be shunned by people.

I'm 38 years old. I am on disability for depression, anxiety, neuropathic pain, restless legs syndrome, etc. I have a Masters in psychology. I had such high hopes and aspirations about my future. I know ultimately responsible for my emotions and not anybody else. Nobody can force me to feel a certain way. Yet the last six years have been dealing with a company that refuses to accommodate for my disabilities so I could remain employed there. They employed tactics to basically force me to resign or go on disability. My wife has been very critical of many things I do. I can't afford to go see the therapist I have been seeing.


I know life is harder for many people. Yet all I can think about are my petty problems. How selfish is that? I want to be happy again. I want to be able to function well. I may never become a psychologist like I've always dreamed but maybe I will find something else I love. If I remember, there was a woman who was stuck in this world of despair in which her husband (Robin Williams) is trying to free her and bring her back to him. Of course, in addition to the gender difference, she had someone who actually tried to understand her. Is it too much to ask for someone to just like or love me the way I am? Is it too much for me to be allowed to be human? I probably am a toxic and negative person. When people talk to me or are around me I guess they just feel the urge to avoid me. I hate my life.

[djazz11]

I'm going through the same thing, I've lost everything in my life and I'm only 25 but 5 years ago at 20 I was a self made very successfulperson, I've since lost my gf of 6 years and am financially rueind and don't have one single freind and bc of my depression I've enterd, it has caused great trouble with my family who I'm on the verge of loosing, I hate what my life has become and I think of suicide everyday. Now I'm abusing alcohol and marijuana,I truly am getting tired of this lonely hopless existence that I'm trapped in

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Shadow Wraith

The ironic thing is that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy/vicious cycle in which I believe bad things about myself and they happen. However, I try to be positive only to be shunned by people.

Yes, cruelly ironic.

Shadow Wraith, in your psychological studies, how did they teach you to view people like yourself? How close is or are those views to your reality? What would you tell your instructors now?

Under what circumstances would you not hate your life? Is an accepting, understanding other the key?

[Leed]

Hi ~ I think when we're severely depressed, we just naturally assume that we're not "worthy" of love or friendship because we feel so awful ! Depression makes you feel horrible about yourself, and then we blame ourselves for everything -- we see things NOT as they are, but as we FEEL.

Why not talk to your doctor and see about getting on an antidepressant -- even if it's temporary? I'm chronically depressed, so i've been on an antidepressant for years -- but it surely made me understand why I was feeling like I was. Everything is NOT my fault !! Perhaps people avoided me because I was always "down" and that in turn made THEM feel "down." Now that I'm not depressed anymore, I don't notice those things -- or else i don't let them bother me. LOL

Your wife seems to be playing games with you -- it isn't fair, and I'm surprised you've let her get away with it for so long -- BUT feeling as depressed as you do I understand. It's hard to make ANY decisions when you're depressed.

Talk to your doctor -- there's no shame in needing an antidepressant. I know alot of us don't like to take medications, but sometimes that's what it takes. You'd "medicate" if you had diabetes -- well, depression is a disease too that must be controlled.

God bless & take care. I pray that things improve for you. Hugs, Lee