UGH! I can NOT believe it is happening AGAIN!

Well despite my best efforts I will almost certainly be hospitalized monday or wednesday this week. I hate it though because it hasnt even been 4 months since the last one. Its hard to explain but pretty much everything is MUCH worse since tuesday 7/5 and wednesday 7/6 when I saw my T and Pdoc and they BOTH sounded like they were going to put me in then. I dont want it and it is horrifying that Im going back so soon. I will talk to T on the phone monday and either she will just tell me to go home or to come in and see her that day or she will let me wait till my actual appt on wednesday. It just depends on how the conversation goes. I hate this!! I hate me!!! I hate depression!!!! Sorry I am just crying like a scared little baby right now.

It is strong of you to realize and starting to have an understanding of when the symptoms start. So, that is one good thing which leads to a healthier acceptance of yourself and identifying your symptoms. I also hate how depression symptoms seem to suck the 'strong self' out of us....it at times becomes non existant-and we feel like we have lost ourselves during those times.
Don't apologize for having these feelings! They are your feelings and they are part of you.

I completely understand!!! I was hospitalized for the first time in September '10 and I had no idea I was as bad as I was. I hated everything!! Family, Noise, light, hygiene..you name it I despised it. After the week was over in the hospital though I felt a little bit better, then again I looked at it like a vacation from my everyday responsibilites. That part was nice, I hated to leave but I couldn't wait to get home.