Thought Association

My mind constantly goes out of control sometimes. Like I'll be thinking about something, then something related comes into mind and so on, and so on.

Last night I was doing this very thing. I have this problem where my feet itch really badly and nothing helps except for standing on them. Well, I thought how nice it would be for them to be on the floor, then that triggered the thought of me putting them against something. Then I thought of things that feet could go against, then I thought about if your feet were even in a casket, but no they're not, they're outstretched. But anyways, then I thought about a body in a casket, imagining the feet...then I thought about my mother's feet being outstretched, then the thought of my mother, laying in the hospital bed that hospice provided to her for free when she had cancer (and died there on that bed). Then I thought of the position she was in when she died...then the tears start to flow. I can't even think of it now without bawling my eyes out!

A simple thing for me is never really simple, you see. My thought association always seems to go to something negative and heartbreaking. I can't seem to stop it because I never know where it's gonna lead. And all this happened in just a few minutes or less.

I just miss my mom so much. I guess it comes out everywhere.

have you ever done some cognitive behavioral therapy workbooks? These might help with the thoughts. Just an idea.

Yeah, I've done CBT. I haven't done it in awhile. Maybe I should try to find someone who does it in this area, though.

Lexi,

Reading between the lines of your story, I feel like you are healing. All of us grieve on our own schedules. In March, my mother will have been gone nine years, and I am still working through a lot of issues and grief in this regard. Do you mind my asking how long it has been for you since your Mom died?

If you would like I can pray that your thought cycles will start ending up in happier places?

EJ

<font color="purple"> (((((((lexi)))))) DId this occur before the loss of you rmom? Have you allowed yourself to grieve? Just wondering if that is a key factor....
I too have thought association issues... People find it very difficult and frustrating to follow converstaions with me, plus I talk way too fast. My journals exhibit this behavior as well. When I go back to re-read what I wrote I tend to not get very far my self b/c it can be confusing and off beat.
Melinda </font>

My mom's been gone like a year and a half now. I know it hasn't been very long but it still feels like yesterday.

I used to start conversations and stop in the middle of a sentence and never finish. Yeah, very confusing. Now I try to stay on topic. But I still confuse people quite a bit.

((((((((Lex))))))))