Struggling to keep putting one foot in front of the other

I don't know what is happening to me, each day gets harder and harder to get through. Today I have done nothing achieved nothing and I feel so low. So full of Pain, so broken, so defeated. I tried to contact my mental health worker today, problem, she's still away sick talk about being trapped with no where to turn.... It's been quite scary as I've been having intense thoughts of suicide.... but don't know where they are coming from or what is driving them... is it just my own self responding to the depth of pain I am experiencing... God I wish there was a magic wand for this illness, instead it gets harder to cope with.... I'm struggling to make any of my coping skills, distractions... etc work, just feel too worn out to fight at this stage.... Maybe one day I'll be able to sit with the emotion without the need to escape and find a way to avoid feeling.... I just wish there was a way of switching it all off... I feel so full, so down, so lost and defeated... I don't know how much longer I can fight... It's breaking me down..

<font color=purple> **Everyone who lives dies, but not everyone who dies has lived** </font color=purple>

"Today I have done nothing achieved nothing... "

well i'm gonna have to differ with you there. you've at least managed to sit up, turn on your computer, and write up a couple of posts.

hey--that's something!

You're not giving yourself enough credit! I think your thoughts are clouded right now and they are what are making you upset. You may want to look into CBT as it saved my life and I think it may be helpful to you too. I just sent a more detailed reply about CBT to Hunter01's post if you're interested. In the meantime try give yourself more credit and focus on what you have done instead of what you have not done.

P.S. I like your tag line as it is so true.

You put it all so concisely. I think there is a clarity to what you say that speaks of great hope.

You are not your illness.

Perhaps, the kind of achievements you are thinking of are overated. Does it matter that you gave me something with the quality of perception you showed in your post? I hope so.

Look after yourself.

Gram

Crying, you have and are doing something: you are expressing your feelings and are in touch with them.

How I wish you were right and a magic wand could get rid of these feelings. It would make our lives so much more comfortable.

If you switch off the emotions they will come back, believe me. Then you will have a major problem and not be able to deal with the pain - been there way too often.

Keep posting and letting it out. It helps.

Mary Alice

you mentioned 'suicidal ideations'----i know them well. they seldom afflict wealthy secure folk. are you in that group? or you in the bigger one where people are under pressure to make ends meet? that stress is known to cause depression with its annoying ghosts flying about.
i was never depressed buying evey rolex deal in hong kong---but now i'm broke---suicidal ideations are just on the menue. you're going to hear a lot of pin-heads saying, 'i control my thoughts---i'm just better than you.' you may have met these folk already. well, its like they are in 'the land of the blind'. no way can they understand your sight, or feelings. as you used the 's' word---in the unlikely case you feel 'out-of-control' with yourself---i've been there---do not hesitate to go to the nearest Best hospital. but i don't sense you'll need to. these haunting ideas are just that---spooky useless junk that happens. the best cure is probably an increase in income and fiscal security. hard deals when down. but you will come up. omega3 fish-oil caps are cheap. the data on the net shows this supplemrnt alone may shut down the little devil. helped me with 'nightmare-disorder'---knocked it right out. i know you will be a winner, somehow that's all i meet. not that i'm one right now, but over 5 decades i've found we always come out the other side to greater prosperity than we dreamed. now there's a reason to hang on. i consider you worthy. i had major depressions before biz-making, and after---but when it stops, you take-off, like a chinese rocket launch. you never fail. whether at work, or if unemployed, anytime---when ugly thoughts pop up---think about how you may get rich on e-bay, from a hobby---that sort of thing. you really feel better. you desrve to feel better. and prosper.

pirate

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