Angry w/ Medication woes

I hate taking medications....most of my years of depression and BPD have been with me stopping my meds. I guess in some way it is a SI kind of thing. I sabotage things quickly...because when I begin to feel better I get very anxious and concerned and usually they don't last so I just destroy the happiness early.
Anyway...finally have been on cymbalta and faithfully taking it for 6 months or so. It seems to be working and I have been really trying to get out of my constant darkness. Still strugging w/ constant suicidal idealization...but it is getting better.
Now, my insurance is not approving the prescription from my doctor. It is my primary doctor. I stopped seeing my pdoc about a month ago because I didn't really like her.
So....now I am very frustrated. It is like at every corner I turn there is something that just wants to stop my progression of ever being healed.
So, today, I am like... ***** IT! I am not going to take meds, go to T or do anything to feel better. I am going to quit my job, become homeless and not care at all about anything.
I am just in a funk, that begun yesterday and is lingering.

It is truly UNBELIEVABLE the roadblocks that the system imposes on those of us who are trying to get better sometimes...

Why did your insurance co. deny Cymbalta, FCOL? Antidepressants are routine from just about any sort of medical practice these days, it would seem.

I would say you should call the company and appeal...even if Cymbalta isn't on their formulary (which seems unlikely), you just have to find the right person to approve it.

If you're going to become homeless just to %#@&#! off the insurance company, my advice would be to wait until spring...

We love you, and I hope that you can find a way to deal with this stress.

cya!

DJ

Sheeesh, what a system. When I rule the world, it'll be different!!

((((suz))))
I'm so sorry. I wish I could pull you outta this funk. You know I would if I could.

Love, Jenn

I have decided to stop taking all my meds.
I will deal w/ life naturally and see if that takes me anywhere....can't hurt. Already feel like the muck and mire are thicker with each day.

Ok...ok...I am more rational at this hour.
I am not going to stop my meds just yet.
Maybe I will have to change them since my Ins. Co is being a PITA! I just get so frustrated. And then everything goes black.

((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))) hang in there. Please, when you "decide" to make any big changes, DO think about them a day or two, and ask others what they think... if you still are bent on changing.. I think it's a good decision to not stop all of them suddenly. I do understand how frustrating it gets... even if you do have to change meds and all do them one at a time (weeks apart) so you can manage any side effects or whatever...

Stress over meds is a tough frustration! TC

Can you suggest your doctor talk to your insurance to see if they'll approve it. I know that's what I had to do with Cymbalta with medical assistance. I had to get my doctor to call and get it approved. Just a thought. And maybe going back to your pdoc wouldn't be a bad idea. I know it's difficult to see someone we don't like, but it may be beneficial in the long run. Just a suggestion.

Hang in there. You'll pull through this.

(((((((((((((((((Suz)))))))))))))))))

So, the plan is to try and wean off of the cymbalta and try something else....
Gotta love the medication saga of a depressed person.