[Shadow-world]

It's the beginning of the week and I feel nauseous from anxiety and destructive thoughts again. Can't be off work again really but find it hard to face the work environment right now. I normally always liked studies (in the past) and work and now the thought makes me physically sick.
What's going on???!
If it continues like this and I don't want to have another bad run-in with my line manager like last Monday, I might have to be on long-term sick leave. Or is this the start of not being able to work at all any longer and trying desperately for incapacity benefit?! I wouldn't even know how to. It's scary.

Hello, Shadow-world. Hope you get the help you need.

[SoupDragon]

What was it like last time you were in work?

I hate the thought of going to work, it is very tiring to maintain the pretence and to concentrate when I am there - I get really exhausted.

Although it feels "safer" for me at home, it doesn't stop the thoughts or feelings and actually for me with less to distract myself I start to feel worse.

I too have thought of going on long term sick, I wonder whether I will ever be able to work again and not feel these horrible feelings - however I want to make the decison feely when I am not so overwhelmed with the thoughts, rather than make the decision while I am feeling low.

Have you seen your GP? Do you have a therapist? I see you are UK based and it is likely if you have a diagnosis that you will be covered by the Equality Act, which means your employer would need to consider reasonable adjustments to support you at work. Have you thought of reducing your hours for a while? Are there tasks at work that are more difficult for you and some that are easier?

I know it can be really hard to bring up with an employer if you have a mental health problem - but sometimes it can be benenficial if it means they can support you in your role. This support is more likley to be forthcoming in a large or public organisation. Actually have you heard the recent government campaign that is promoting mental health in the workplace?

I know all this sounds great in theory, I also know that not all line managers understand mental health difficulites and aren't always sympathetic - and me? I am the original coward and keep my head down at work, waiting to get rumbled oneday....

What I do know is research shows that after 6 months of sickness absence there is only a 50% chance of returning to work, so I would just be cautious about going on long term sick unless work was imposible and / or there were definite health benefits to giving up work. IN terms of benefits, you could go on-line to the government site and to see what you may be entitled to, CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) can also help.

OK off my platform (this is obviously an area that interests me) - good luck in deciding what is best for you - maybe your GP can help you decide?

Take care - SoupDragon

[Shadow-world]

Thanks a lot for the replies, guys. I find it really helpful to get a different perspective on things when my head goes funny.

SoupDragon, no, I currently haven't got a therapist, as the previous counselling I had was very time-limited so that finished quite a few weeks ago and I'm waiting to be contacted by an intervention team shortly. I chased them up earlier today and spoke to someone there. Hopefully that will speed things up a bit.
I like the idea of not making a rash decision about longer sick leave when one doesn't feel quite up to it.
I have taken some other med (beta-blocker for agitation and anxiety) today so I could go through with the day and probably try doing this in the short term until more help becomes available.
It's great you manage to get on with things at work even if it's not easy, but at least you manage to keep doing things. I've always tried that and hope that I will be able to continue doing so. I'm taking it one day at a time now and hoping for the best.

[SoupDragon]

Hi again, good to hear that there is something in the pipeline for you in terms of support and hope the short term stuff is helping somewhat.

I try to manage my work so that I do more of the things that I find easier and then try to fit the other stuff around it. I also find I function better in the mornings, so get into work super early to get the more difficult stuff done while my brain is fresh. There are some things that I don't do (they are at the bottom of my drawer somewhere!) and I have also just had to suspend my studying as I just couldn't concentrate on it. It was so hard letting that go and accepting that I had to defer, but it has taken some of the pressure off of me and I know in the end it was the right decision for me as I just couldn't do it.

I think one day at a time is a good thing and sometimes even just one moment at a time and as you say hope (or for me faith) that this will pass and life will become less scarey. SD