[emptybee15]

Usually my depression has me in this cave of crazy, irrational thoughts. Over the past few days though, even though I haven't been sleeping well, my mind is at an unusual calm and it feels weird!

Usually I'm always craving some sort of drug or need to smoke a cigarette or SOMETHING to ease my mind, but I haven't been wanting anything and I feel "okay". That is SOOO weird to say. The thoughts tried to get me this morning, but somehow it passed.

I don't know what happened. Nothing major occurred, nothing "great" happened, I'm completely broke, owe bills, and I'm NOT losing my mind!?!?

I'm scared to get used to this, because everytime I feel fine, something major goes WRONG to knock me right back off my feet. I don't know guys. It just feels WEIRD, hence the name of this thread.

Best Wishes All! Feel free to give me some feedback, that's always appreciated.

[emptybee15]

Now I'm going to go into my BPD mode and start to think I'm probably going to die or something. I'll rid myself of depression and then I'll die, that's my luck right there.

[Leed]

It sounds to me like you're learning that these "crazy & irrational" thoughts don't get you anywhere -- so you've decided not to allow them to "get" you. Sometimes we unconsciously make these decisions -- perhaps that's why you're feeling ok. LOL

Try not to "what if" yourself -- that only adds to the confusion. You're not going to die. Just figure that this is the new you -- and you're going to deal with things in a calm, logical way.

God bless -- and glad you're doing better! Hugs, Lee

[unaluna]

Right, that's how PMS or PMDD was for me. I used the same words: broke one day, SUI; broke NEXT day, FINE! Like a light switch.

The "major thing" happening to destroy my good mood was usually talking to my mother - I NEVER realized how much she criticized me until I asked her to go a day without doing it while I was living with her - and we couldn't even make it to lunchtime. AND she would NOT apologize for the criticism that broke the "fast". And just being unable to handle life in general. It was a horrible roller coaster, and eventually I fell off.

Anyway, I moved out and started doing NOTHING - figuring my peace of mind was necessary to my healing, which was necessary to my survival, which was necessary to my ever becoming productive again.

I hope you can hang on. I have come to hate the words, "this time".

[emptybee15]

@Leed...Thank you SOOO much for those ENCOURAGING words! I really needed that. I hope this feeling lasts also and I hope you are doing good as well.

@Hankster...I meant I was broke as in, NO MONEY! lol! Sorry that you have a critical mother, my father was that way to me. I was too young to talk it out with him when it started though, so he got me good. I no longer talk to him. I'm YOUR kid, so, if you don't like me, I don't like you either, parent or not. Tell your mother she has to give respect to get it, from her children or otherwise. UGH! I swear parenting classes should be REQUIRED FOR ALL before pregnancy can even take place. Grr!

[unaluna]

Re broke - so did I! I just meant I went from SUI to fine like a light switch, one day to the next, while the money stayed at zero (or less)!

[emptybee15]

Originally Posted by hankster

Re broke - so did I! I just meant I went from SUI to fine like a light switch, one day to the next, while the money stayed at zero (or less)!

Oh okay, I get it. Sorry, it was too early to be reading, lol!

[marenita]

I used to feel the same way, too. I was convinced that my life couldn't go well for long. I still think my husband's going to die young and leave me alone. When I started antidepressants and felt some of the crap easing from my mind I actually felt like I was losing an old friend. Depression was normal--what I was used to. It was really hard to let that go.

[JenIsAlwaysSick]

Originally Posted by Leed

It sounds to me like you're learning that these "crazy & irrational" thoughts don't get you anywhere -- so you've decided not to allow them to "get" you. Sometimes we unconsciously make these decisions -- perhaps that's why you're feeling ok. LOL

Try not to "what if" yourself -- that only adds to the confusion. You're not going to die. Just figure that this is the new you -- and you're going to deal with things in a calm, logical way.

God bless -- and glad you're doing better! Hugs, Lee

I couldn't have said it better myself. I seriously used to freak out over ever little thing, until I realized it just made the situation worse...not better. Nothing is made better with worry. Perhaps you're figuring that out?

[emptybee15]

Thanks for your responses all, I love this forum! It's now Wednesday and I'm still doing well. I just really wonder what suddenly clicked in me. My ex that cheated on me was texting me trying to see me again. I told him that that can not and will not happen, but I don't hate him anymore. I carried around that hate since it happened in like 08'. I have let it go now and that fact that he's trying to come back makes me see that he KNOWS he messed up. I told him he would one day. Maybe letting that go has helped me a lot. Hmmm?

[JenIsAlwaysSick]

Originally Posted by emptybee15

Thanks for your responses all, I love this forum! It's now Wednesday and I'm still doing well. I just really wonder what suddenly clicked in me. My ex that cheated on me was texting me trying to see me again. I told him that that can not and will not happen, but I don't hate him anymore. I carried around that hate since it happened in like 08'. I have let it go now and that fact that he's trying to come back makes me see that he KNOWS he messed up. I told him he would one day. Maybe letting that go has helped me a lot. Hmmm?

Honey, I held onto some hurt I had from an ex for a lot longer than that. LOL I had been married for about 5 years or so before I let go of that garbage. Sometimes we just don't know any other way to be, and when we figure that out, we begin to change. Glad you are still doing so well.