[MadSciPanda]

My husband and I have been having problems in our relationship due to my inattentiveness. However it seems that there are other emotional problems that he needs to address, and I really don't know how to help him. He believes that he doesn't have any friends/people in his life that care about him, including me. He has tried to reach out to a few people to talk, but he has discovered that some of his friends aren't very supportive or sympathetic to his needs.This has unfortunately caused him to be reluctant to talk with others about himself and problems that he does not believe people will care about. He has very low self-esteem, energy, or interest in anything for the last few months. I really don't know how to help him. He is not interested in therapy and has been getting progressively more upset when people tell him that it is the solution to his problems. He has been telling me that he can't deal with me or feeling this way any longer and has said that he wished he were dead. He blames me and our poor relationship for feeling consistently horrible and for ruining his life. I fail to see how my difficulties with our relationship and shortfalls as a person have prevented him from caring for himself properly, going to work, or any number of simple things around the house. However, I have found no benefit in arguing with him at this point. Being defensive always makes the problems much worse and more awkward. I am very worried and have been looking for help from our friends and anywhere else possible.

[Rohag]

Hello, MadSciPanda! Your situation is an exceptionally difficult one.

...I have found no benefit in arguing with him at this point. Being defensive always makes the problems much worse and more awkward.

You are correct.

Here's a possibly helpful PsychCentral article from a couple years ago:
When a Depressed Spouse Refuses Help by Erika Krull

[MadSciPanda]

Hi Rohag,

Thanks for the suggestion and acknowledging my situation. After reading the article, it does make me wonder if I need to communicate my disagreements in a different way. The article suggests to "[h]ave empathy for their situation but [not to] blindly go along with all their negative comments and beliefs."

I've spoken with some of our friends since I began this thread, and it sounds like they are on board with speaking to him with me. I just worry about being too pushy. Everyone has urged him to seek counseling/therapy for years, and he is the type of person that will resist the more you push him to do something.

Therapy may not be right for now, but I have suggested to him to make an account on PC to make use of the forums and articles. He didn't really respond, but I at least planted the seed.

Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it.

[unaluna]

Will he go / has he gone to a medical doctor for a checkup? There may be physical problems causing his depression, or maybe he will take the GP's advice.

[MadSciPanda]

He doesn't have a problem seeing our physician. However, he does take their advice for personal development with a grain of salt.

He was seeing a psychiatrist for a while, but he was only interested in finding a beneficial medication. After going through maybe 5 different medications, he stopped using them and did not want to continue. He saw a few psychologists but doesn't believe that they (as a profession) are very helpful for him or that they would care about his problems. He isn't someone who feels better after talking out his problems. He is more interested in finding a solution and fixing the problem. He's a very pragmatic.

[unaluna]

Do you think he's Asperger's? Maybe a book on Aspie's in relationships would help, or if you visit some of their websites, you could find some direction. It sounds like you won't be able to keep on saying, try this, then try this! But the solution-oriented sounds Aspie to me, engineering computer type brain (like me). So he might actually enjoy learning about it. Like taking the Aspie tests online. Simon Cohen is SO smart (I wonder about his clown cousin Sascha though!).

[MadSciPanda]

If he has Asperger's, then he's extremely high-functioning. He is a shy person, but he has overcome a lot of his introverted tenancies in high school. Not a lot of people can tell that he's a shy and quiet person. He does fairly well communicating and meeting people. He feels extremely awkward around new people and in social gatherings outside our house, but he rarely shows it.

I'll look into what the resources say online. Even if he's not Asperger's, there might be some parallels that help.

Thanks for the suggestion, Hankster.