[WhereDidHappyGo]

I live in a home that seems to go downhill in the happiness department a little more each day. I am the quiet one in the family. I observe others doing and saying negative things daily and nightly that add to the deterioration of any chance for happiness whatsoever. No one strives for peace, calmness or sanity.

Only when I've had enough do I retaliate or lash back. I take so much from family members and often feel as though I have lost my mind because they don't seem to care or they feel it to be acceptable to apologize and treat me badly again within the hour of the apology.

It makes me feel crazy. I honestly feel like I am the only one who can see how bad it is and how much worse it can get. I feel alone and scared. I hate being able to see the obvious.

I am so depressed and no longer look for resolutions. I rarely even allow myself to think back to when times were good. It is too painful to do so anymore. I just want out. Sometimes that means of this life and other times I wish I could leave home and my family. Be alone.

There was a time when I tried to gain control in my home but I was met with a fierce resistance. One I could not battle. I finally gave in. I started to ignore them, I hid away in my room. I would barely interact with anyone and I even gave up friends and working. I don't care a thing in the world about gaining employment or friends again.

Where does a person turn when they have given up all hope. Where does a person go when they can't bear to try to change what needs to change.

I give up to my family members. They are abusive and could care less to ever be different. They will one day go out into their own lives and treat someone else poorly and only then I might be able to recover and find a semi normal life. That day seems like it is a million years away.

I don't know if I can wait.

[Astridetal]

Can you convince your family members to go into family therapy? If the whole family is depressed, maybe that would help. I can relate in a way, in that I used to live in a negative family (not depressed, but pretty negative), and yet I was blamed for it because I was the "crazy" one. Also, maybe youcould try spending mor etime with friends outsid eof the home, so that you can get positive energy from them. Just my thoughts.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by WhereDidHappyGo

Only when I've had enough do I retaliate or lash back. I take so much from family members and often feel as though I have lost my mind because they don't seem to care or they feel it to be acceptable to apologize and treat me badly again within the hour of the apology.

It makes me feel crazy. I honestly feel like I am the only one who can see how bad it is and how much worse it can get. I feel alone and scared. I hate being able to see the obvious.

Obviously, this isn't working for you. It's a reaction and is relieving but being able to not let these things cause this effect would feel much better.

Where does a person turn when they have given up all hope. Where does a person go when they can't bear to try to change what needs to change.

A therapist is a person to go to who can help you with this. What you learn will be life changing and will help you in all areas of your life. You will be bound to encounter people just like your family all throughout your life. With therapy, you can learn now how to change the response from within you, no matter who you are up against. It is empowering and it sounds like that is something that you would like to feel - empowered!

[turquoisesea]

may I ask what's keeping you there?

I don't know you, so I just don't even know how old you are and what part of the family you are. But my first response is, can you find a way out of that toxic feeling environment?

[Mustkeepjob32]

I second turquoise' question. Is there a reason you are you still in that environment.
I lived in a situation that made me so helpless and distressed. I lived with in-laws in another country. They were so negative and downright mean to each other and I ended up having a couple breakdowns and cutting myself.
That led to me being diagnosed with BPD. Granted the cutting and breakdowns showed that I was not mentally/emotionally OK. BUT, the attitude of the family I was living with was the catalyst to my undoing.
Do you have a therapist?

Z