these feelings

I cant understand these feelings that always attack me. I feel so lethargic and hopeless in all that I do or don't do My life is so miserable I cant find a way to get better. Yes I am on meds and Yes I see someone regularly, I always seem to be able to function on those days and yet as soon as I can relax and enjoy my time all I do is sit here and feel bad. very bad. or sleep and then all of a sudden its time to go back to work. I seem to live vicariously through my thoughts or imagination. Rather than going out and living. You all probably wont understand, I am so alone here and I get super anxious when I go anywhere alone. There is no one I can go with without feeling like a burden. No real friends. Family have all moved away. Id like to go away too. but were not allowed to talk about that. When I am alone though that is all I can think about. I fantasize about it. When my T encourages me to try harder she is just putting more anxiety onto me because I cant. Its too hard. This life is just TOO HARD
I do not mean to upset anyone this is just how I feel about MY life.

Bless your heart, Jazper -- Of COURSE we understand! We've lived like that before too!! I can remember clearly when I lived in that deep dark, pit!

I wish you would talk to your doctor -- it's very possible that your antidepressant stopped working -- that happens after we've been on it for awhile -- we become "accustomed" to the dosage, and it either has to be increased, or we have to switch to another antidepressant. This has happened to me many times -- I've been depressed since I was a child, and have been on medications for years!

PLEASE don't think about harming yourself -- there IS help!!! I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, but there are times when we have to change therapists too! If your current one isn't helping you that much, find another! Don't settle for the status quo. You DESERVE to feel better -- and it's possible, and not that hard either.

So please talk to your doctor. I wish you the very best. God bless & take care -- and PLEASE keep us posted as to how you're doing. Hugs, Lee

I'm sorry you're feeling this way jazper. What has your therapist/doctor told you to do at this point?

I kind of know what you mean. Especially when I'm depressed I have a REAL REAL hard time leaving my room. Even if I try I get anxious, especially to go anywhere alone. And even with my boyfriend just going OUT becomes such a big deal.

I think you have to keep fighting it and maybe get a med / therapy change to help you. Is there a local club for something you enjoy doing that you could join - you could maybe find a few friends there. My therapist once recommended going to a non-religious church thing - I didn't fully understand but it's a place that isn't about religion but has an all - faith kind of meeting and creates a community. So not religous but community oriented. And if you're religious have you tried reaching out to church communities? that's one thing religions are often very good about =)

I agree with you 100%...I have been lucky...my meds have worked for years but it took forever to find the right ones and the right dosage.

How long have you been on these meds?

How long have you been on these meds?

jazper, please know that you are not alone. Depression is an insidious illness. After many, many years I have come to accept that it is not an illness that can be cured - only one that can be kept in check. We can take meds, see counselors, etc. But it will always be an illness we have to live with - just like diabetes. (Just my humble opinion).

We have to keep reaching out for support and talking to others who also suffer. We can share coping skills and our victories as well as our defeats.

My constant goal is just to keep falling into the black hole. I've been there twice and the last time was a number of years ago. Some days life does seem too hard, but as long as I can see peaks of sunshine, I believe in myself that I will make it.

Another 2 days off wasted. Couldn't get up Just wanted to not exist any more. There is no real point anyway. I cut myself and now am panicking because it can be seen and I have a Dr appointment Thursday and a T appointment on Friday. It didn't sove anything or make me feel any better but now I have MORE anxiety and feel scared. Thank you all for caring enough to answer.