I fel so alone

I am a 57 year old male, and a dual stroke survivor. My strokes were 1 and 2 years ago. I am now left some right side deficiency, but walk with difficuly using a single point cane.

My first stroke occurred about two months after I was 'forced' to retire from my job in computers after 25 years of service. That alone did not leave me with any good feelings. I have a wife of 14 years, a 13 year old son, a 10 year old daughter in my current marriage. I have three more grown young aldult children from a previous marriage.

I now feel very very alone and FRUSTRATED. I feel like my world has narrowed down to using the computer, watching TV, and going to sleep ( or trying to).
One day is pretty much like the others. BORING. I have tried various support organizations and they have helped for a while but the 'fix' doesnt seem to stick.
I feel like my world has shrunk to that of an invalid. Most of the activites I did on a regular basis (particularly cabinet making and woodworking) are no longer available to me. I have caught myself thinking one more than one occasion about
suicide. I am so frustrated I dont know what to do any more. I want to drive again but am noit being allowed to. I have passed all the driving tests I need, but my wife will not let me drive. I feel like this is the MAJOR thing making mr feel cutoff from the rest of the world.

I feel like I am being treated like an invalid, because my speech is not so good any
more. I cannot argue my points well, which maked me even more mad. I can stand it much longer.

FRUSTRATED.

David F.

Hi David,

I used to feel alone all the time, but now I feel better because I have more than enough to occupy my mind, work, study, friends etc. But still, I think I can really understand the kind of state you are in right now. There was a short period in my life in which I was unable to have normal social contacts to the outside world. It was a new place for me to be and I didn't have any friends there. I think that might be what worsen my depression. I was so upset and stressed all the time during that period. It was hard, and just like you, I couldn't see how I was gonna get out of it.

I think to adjust yourself to the new life after retirement is probably not easy to do... Sometimes I really feel there's really very little we can accomplish in each day, even for us younger people, sometimes I find it very boring on weekend days when I am being a little lazy and want to do nothing. I don't know, do you think you could try something new, and easy to do at home? Like do a little gardening, cooking, reading books, or maybe try to write a book... Just try to find as much as distractions, I think you may feel a little better when you feel there are more to accomplish

I hope you are feeling better Take care...

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

Hi David, I am sorry to hear what you are going through, it must be very hard. This is a great place to come to where you are not alone.
People feel alone many times for different reasons, and sometimes when you can use the resourses you have you can do something with them.
If you can drive, then drive, this is your life and no one has the right to take things away from you, you have aready lost to much.
Maybe you can try and think of some things to distract your mind that you enjoy doing and can do. You are to young to just let the rest of your life go by.
It is a little hard for me to relate to your problem, as I am not in your position, although I like this web site because there are lots of caring people here. I have pretty much isolated myself from eveyone, and the real friends I have live far awawy from me so yes I feel alonelots too, but I guess I have put myself in that position.
I don't have the energy right now to get out and try to meet new friends.
I hope you can find something to make yourself feel better.
Take Care of yourself

Hello David
Welcome to our forum, I hope that we will stick on you and you will enjoy our company. Heart problems are a very sensitive subject for me B/c I just Lost a very close friend of mine to heart Dieses {31}. he died infront of me and his wife, I remmber so many times he felt as if he was nothing, marked by scars that he knew would one day take his life. he turned to other things such as drugs to pitty himself. Forgetting about his 7 year old child beautiful wife and great friends that loved him so much.... I guess you can say Depression took over and finally one. leaving the rest of us in agony and pain. rethink about your desicion and remmber just because you can not talk or walk or be who you were, your heart will forever remain the same, giving the ones who LOVE you another chance just too start over and have you around. sometimes it's not all about you. remmber we are here too help you with the REST. you have really found an AMAZING group And FORUM. I really hope you keep us posted.
Please, consider me a friend !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
~MATTHEW27:46.
MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1

Hi, David! I have a wonderful son named David... my dad's name was David and one of my half-brothers name was David and I think he has a son, grandson and great-grandson named David! Popular name, eh? At least in my family.

You know... I've been where you are. My husband and I split up about 7 years ago and shortly after that, my son moved in with him. He was the last in the nest. So, I didn't only lose my husband, but my nest was completely empty. It took me a while before it all came crashing down on me, but I guess I'm just now coming out from that particular tunnel.

My husband has come back, but only as a room-mate. yeah right! I still take care of him! But during all these years I've lost everything a little at a time until I had nothing... Absolutely Nothing! My oldest son bought me this tiny mobile home I'm living in, but my car quit running. I had to depend on neighbors to take me grocery shopping, etc. For an independent person, it was pure hell for me. The only thing that got me through was the Serenity Prayer:

<center>God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things
I can, and the Wisdom
to know the difference.</center>

Hope it helps you as much as it did me.

Tomi's right - David is a good name. I have an uncle named David. He's one of the few sane ones in my family. My son is Jonathan, named after David's friend.

-Wendy

<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ DAVIDF WHERE ARE YOU }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
~MATTHEW27:46.
MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1