[emoangel]

I am not sure where to post this, there didnt seem to be a particular forum for my question, but i figure since this issue is getting me down so much, that it could fit into here, so here it goes.

In general, I find myself dwelling a lot on the past, things that happened years ago, and I just beat myself up over it and I feel supreme guilt over whatever happened.

For instance, I dated a guy for 2 years, who was bi-polar and had all of these issues to deal with, and we were good at times, but his mood swings were really hard for me to deal with, but I was scared to leave him. Eventually, things did break off. I knew he had cheated on me once during the relationship but i found out he had cheated 3 separate times as well. My thoughts now are:

"what a jerk!!!" (to put it nicely"

and

"god how stupid am i"

anytime he's brought up, i just go out of my way to express hate for him, which i dont really feel, its more of a reassurance thing. But anyways. The point is, with a few particular issues in general, despite that I have a boyfriend that I am incredibly (!) happy with, I still think about my ex a lot, and other issues, things that happened that I am not proud of, I dwell on. I cant seem to let the past go, I cant accept it and move on, learn from it. I beat myself up over it and constantly dig to find ways that I could've handled the situation better.

However, even so, I always blame myself, feel incredibly guilty and shameful and wish that these instances hadn't ever occured in my life. I always feel like things are my fault. Staying with my boyfriend too long, the horribly wreckless 4 months after that breakup which i regret to this day (despite it being full over a year ago).

I shouldnt have to think about these things, I want to live in the present and enjoy all of the blessings i have.

Please help me. I just dont know how to let go, but I know that if i could learn, I would feel so much lighter.



emo

i'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now.

do you see a therapist? i think it really helps me to talk about issues, such as yours, and get feedback from someone who is objective.

when you find yourself starting to think about the past, try to just stop and do something that will distract you. play music, turn on the t.v., go for a walk, etc.

xooxo pat

[Fuzzybear]

I relate to the guilt and dwelling UGH
Bearhugs
Fuzzy

[emoangel]

I was seeing a therapist for quite awhile, but she moved her offices, and i sort of lost track of her. She isnt far from where she used to be, I just sort of got lazy and didnt keep up with going. Perhaps I should go back to talk about all of these things if they are bothering me this much. Thanks