Guilt

Guilt, like trust is a major trigger for me.

I know it's a manipulative game my mother is playing and right now she is winning.

Twisting-turning-tossing---sad.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Guilttttttttttt

i'm sorry that you're sad pet........i dealt with guilt for many years where my own mom was concerned......its a hard thing to deal with as it seems to eat away at us but knowing that its a form of manipulation is a good start at keeping it at bay.......i'm here if you need me.......

{{{{ Petunia }}}}}

I understand this. My parents do the guilt thing too. Its hard.

((((((((((((((( Petunia )))))))))))))))

My family do that too
(Also Mr Bear's family do it )

"Well, it's nice that you called seeing you never come visit."

"I feel like little Orphan Annie over here."

I wonder, 'what's wrong with me? All the other neighbors kids call and visit.'

"Don't forget your mother."

I say-- "Are you coming Christmas Eve or what?" She says "Do you want me there?"

The truth is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I feel now like I must go visit so the neighbors can see I am real.

(They are snowbirds--the kind that flock to Florida in the winter. So I do it on purpose. Painfully spend time with my mother in the summer....and give myself a break when her friends come. But it's never good enough. She must show them someone cares.)

Good news is I'm off to T. Look out T here comes Petunia with a mother issue.

See T. See T run. Run T run.

Did they all read the same book?

or how about: "I'm glad you called, I was beginning to think you died".

{{{{{ Petunia }}}}} I hope t helps some. t wont run.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Manipulation Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Oh yeah... well Petunia, the phone works both ways...so do the cars and streets... You could counter with such ideas... you could also add some, like, why don't you write me any more mom? Did you make a list of what all you need done for you? OH? what are the neighbor's kids names, maybe I know them

Ok... a little more down to earth...are you the only child? If not, how often do your siblings call and visit her (regardless of how far away they have moved so they don't have to.)

I know it's a stress issue. A big one. Your mom's an adult, she makes her own choices. You get to, too. What activities outside of her home is your mother involved in? If none, why not? She would then not be expecting you to entertain her... she needs outside activities. If she chooses not to spend her time for herself that's her choice...but to expect you to fill her time is not her choice.

Try other ways of giving her attention if you think it will help the situation and alleviate some of your undeserved guilt. YOU send HER cards, or fruit or such... If you must, then call her...but set the timer in the background and when it goes off (so she can hear it) just say OOOPS gotta go bye! And hang up no other explanation necessary.

If nothing else, tell her, well I can't do all that stuff..it's the nature of PTSD and I don't expect you to understand it, few ppl do!

Ok... a little more down to earth...are you the only child?

No. Youngest, only girl of four. Two have died from drugs. One left and is an aging hippie stuck in the seventies. We both shudder when he calls.

This is all about the neighbors. They think I am a mythical creature. This "figment of her imagination" that she talks about but no one ever sees. She does have a life and gets around...but at lunch they all talk about their kids. This one does this/that one does that. My mother talks about the "myth" that is her daughter who lives six miles away...the neighbors just wink.

She knows about PTSD...she has it too.

Tunia-

Oh yes, I totally relate to that kind of guilt.
It's so .... and... .... and.... ... and if there was a smiley exploding that would also help describe it!

I hope your T. was helpful for you today.

Please know that you are a wonderful person.

mandy

I know the issue sounds so trivial in the big picture...but because of my childhood issues and her involvement--oops--I mean NON-involvement, it becomes very confusing.

Like "why should I be there for you when you didn't protect me from the real life monsters?"

Thanks for listening and understanding everyone.

(((( buds ))))

Ok, the others bailed out (by direct or indirect choices)..yes I recall some of your horrendous past now (((Petunia))) my apologies for my memory

That you are the only one concerned with how your mother is thinking and talking about you doesn't mean you have to bear the brunt of her needing family. IMO.

You are terrific. And I think you are managing as well as you can. (Maybe she is too, but certainly isn't as knowledgeable and eager to improve life as it pertains to PTSD)

It tugs at the heart IMO because of the deep desire to have things DIFFERENTLY!!! But no amount of trying can create the past you wish you had. No amount of taking the heat and feeling guilty today, in the present, will make your future better, either, imo.

Nope, you just have to allow the comments to roll off your back. You know how I do some of that? I recall my volunteer work in nursing homes...and how I heard ALL the comments from all different types of ppl in all different ages and levels of development. NONE of it really pertained to ME... (unless it was a good comment ) and I try to listen to my mom and other elderly with the same "ear." If you haven't had that experience, I would suggest you try to find a local nursing home to visit (they are very open now at holiday.) Then, remember how you handled their miscellaneous comments that had nothing to do with you, but with how THEY remember life and are feeling... and apply that attitude to your mom. I think it will help.

TC! ((((My favorite plant.))))

Thank you _Sky. Yes, I talked about some of these things you mentioned with T today.

Sigh. Tired. Clearer yet more confused, lol.

(((( _Sky ))))