Dwelling

Does anyone here get memmory flashes of the stupid @#$% they have done and are ashamed of. Then you just keep running it through your head over and over agin like a movie, which in turn puts you into crisis and causes you to do more stupid *#$%?

This is my biggest struggle. I have not SI since 2002, but when I do have the thoughts every so often, this is what causes it. Will I be with this for the rest of my life.

yes... i have that happen often...i know how hard it is to stay safe during those flashes... that trigger thoughts...that trigger the flashes... and then the urges mount... i am sorry your having that happen...i know how hard it is...when i start rembering the choices i have made...that make me feel shame... i try and remind myself that the things we do and the choices we make shape the person we are... and we can grow and learn even from the poor choices... now some of mine are choices of others that make me feel shame and responsibility...be careful not to take on anothers responsibility... i am typing this after taking some sleep meds...so please forgive me if i am rambling...lyn

It's never really been memory flashes. I'll have triggers so I remember, but otherwise my mind leaves me alone.

(((((((((((Twirls)))))))))))) good for you! That's a long time.

Wow. I can't even believe I am reading this thread, it is just so close to home for me. These memory flashes mostly come up in therapy when we are talking about the SI. It gets to the point where I basically dissociate and feel as though I am there again, doing the stupid %#@&#! that I did. I end up at home, cutting again, because it is the only way I know right now that I can connect to those past feelings. Trying to learn other ways. But I know EXACTLY what you mean.