[eb62488]

I'll just cut out the fluff and introductions and get straight to it. I am a failure. That is me in a nutshell. I have always been one. Ever since I can remember, I've never been able to do anything that others can, such as simply talk to people. I've never had any friends, definitely no girlfriends, and I can't hold down a job to save my life. In fact, I was hired for a new job just this Monday but I quit on Tuesday. Why? I could give you all the excuses in the world, but the fact of the matter is that I knew I couldn't do the job and gave up. It wasn't even a hard job. In fact, it was so simple a monkey could do it, but I know I would have failed.

I'm 23 years old now, and my mother pays my rent while I sit around all day and play video games, just to kill time. I've been to therapy before, but I even failed at that too. I just stopped going, not even for any real reason. I just lost my motivation to even try. That really sums up my position in life right now. I have no motivation to even try anymore because I've always failed and I know I always will. In spite of all that, I don't want to give up. I have no idea why, I just don't. The future can't hold anything good for me, but I still want to see it. Maybe I'm just a masochist, I don't know, but I want to keep going.

The question is, what is the point? Why should I keep going when there is nothing ahead but more failure and self-loathing? I've tried just about everything you could think of to help myself, but I've failed at all of them. Why should I keep going through this sadness? I keep searching for a reason, but I just can't find one.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Eb62488!

Originally Posted by eb62488

I keep searching for a reason, but I just can't find one.

I cannot know if this will apply to you: it may be that the reason will come to you only after you stop searching for it. My observation is that some of the most important things in life are allergic to being actively sought.

Sometimes the more cerebral help offered by therapists and biochemical offered by psychiatrists isn't the kind of help one needs. Do you have access to a local vocational counselor with experience with people such as yourself? I don't think vocational counseling is the answer by itself, but such a counselor might have the right ideas.

Hello eb62488, welcome to PC.

Have you ever been to a psychiatrist to be properly assessed? Maybe if you were seen by one, he/she could provide some possible options, such as medication or therapy. (By the way, just because one attempt at therapy didn't work, doesn't mean another attempt will end up the same way.) Many people have to see more than one therapist to find one that "clicks". Also, there are different types of therapy out there.

I'd also like to let you know that you're NOT a failure. If you can't handle a job right now, then you can't change that. Try not to beat yourself up about it. I'm 19 and on disability because I can't work. Sometimes I do feel that "failure" label creeping up in my mind, but I remind myself that I am literally too sick to work right now, and being sick does not equal failure!

I hope you find this site to be a supportive and informative environment.

[alwaysrejoice]

Welcome to PC, I'm glad you posted.

I'm in your shoes, I cant do anything right now.

It can be overcome, it does take WORK though. Get professional help, but you still have to want to get better. It sounds like you do want it.