[lostherlife]

So.. I've been feeling depressed for a long time and I always think I'm gonna do something about it someday but I just know I won't. And I don't wanna end up worse than I'm now. But it's all getting worse. I lived with my dad when my mom and my dad divorced, but I couldn't anymore cuz he's an alcoholic and he slapped me and said bad things to me when he was drunk. And now that I'm living with my mom, she has no job, she just cries and says "i'll kill myself" and "i wanna die". This really isn't easy when mom's like this every single day. I got no friends anymore, haven't had for a long time since we moved from the place I used to live.. I'm always here, "home". I had friends at school but one of them became jealous of one little thing so I decided not to be with them anymore. And now one of them is saying bad things to me and about me all the time.. So I guess I'm now school teased. My self esteem is also really low.. Then, I left my boyfriend like 8 months ago. I felt like he couldn't understand. Or I guess I thought he would reject me so I thought it's better if I leave him first so I won't get hurt. Well it still hurt and it hurts. He contacted me a couple of days ago and said he misses me. I made up excuses. I lied to him and acted really mean. I don't know whether he was serious or not but I miss him and I love him. But I don't want people around me to hurt me anymore. I'm hurt enough already. I regret everything about my life so much and my life feels like it's in pieces. EVERYTHING is just totally wrong. Nothing's right in my life. I just wanna runaway.. If I had money, I already would have. I think I will after saving money.. I'm soon 16. I hate this place, I wanna get out of here. I can't be here anymore.. What am I supposed to do?

[Marla500]

are there any adults at school that you trust to help you find some help? depending on where you live there should be some programs in place to help students with these types of issues. or do you have a church you could visit? if there is an AlaTeen in your area (or AlAnon, they are found in the phone book) they are a great help for many people. don't give up, things will get better. there is a lot of helpful info on this site also.

[alwaysrejoice]

You need to find help. Please tell a teacher for school counselor or something. This is too much for you. Let us know what happens and good luck.

[lostherlife]

Here are many people that could help me at school but I don't want to ask anyone. I feel already like I'm a problem to everybody. I'm considering a therapist or psychiatrist after I get a little money. Or then I could just runaway.. But I definitely don't want to tell anyone who I know about this. To see the person who knows I have problems every day, I would feel ashamed. And I think that moving away from here would work the best. From the whole country. I could start a new life, which is really impossible to do here.. the people are all the same here, in my country. I'm really thankful for your replies and I'll consider telling to someone although I don't really want to do that.. Thanks

[alwaysrejoice]

Look up some statistics on how many people have some sort of psychological disorder. Chances are the adult you tell is probably on an anti depressant themselves. it's a common problem. Also, would you be afraid to tell someone if you had high blood pressure or diabeties? It's the same type of thing. Let us help you.

[gashly]

I don't know if you want to say what country you're in? Maybe someone might know some resources for you...