Just the othe day, I was being told how great it was that I have made so much progress with dealing with my depression, that things really seemed to be looking up. Then I felt bad again, which made me really angry and disappointed with myself, but I tried to deal with it. Then I suddenly got so behind on my coursework that I've got so stressed out, so I felt like everything was piling up on top of me, I started arguing with my family a lot, cancelling appointments, distancing myself from friends, being rubbish at work.
Then just when you think it can't get any worse,.. BAM!
I get told that my grandad has cancer.
They tell me he'll be fine, but i know with cancer its serious --how can they just say it's all going to be fine!? It's triggered my depression which was already creeping back anyway to totally crash down all around me I can barely cope I feel so trapped. But most of all I just feel so so guilty for being absorbed by my depression, I feel like it's self centred and selfish of me. I should be thinking about my grandad. He's such an amazing person it's so unfair. He's always the light of the room hes hilarious and one of those people everybody just can't help but love. I'm so scared of losing him he is such a massive part of my life! Is it selfish of me to be thinking about my depression? Is it right that I feel so so guilty because I have been into hospital for attempted Sui etc, then he'll be fighting for his life and he was there for me and now I need to be here for him, I can believe I am so selfish to consider it!! ~jess

[turquoisesea]

it's not selfish to consider your depression. it's not selfish to feel that way, and be upset that he has cancer for both yourself and for him.

I think you should be there for your granddad as much as you CAN but remember you can't be there for him if you are too depressed to... well be there. You have to find amix of how to take care of yourself AND be there in some way for him.

What I'd ask you now is if you're still seeing therapist, and have you rescheduled those appointments? Right now I think you need to really focus getting back ontop of schoolwork and getting better from depression. You have to work REALLY REALLY hard so that you can be there for him, and for yourself too.

I think you need to reach out to people at this point. But for what it's worth I dont' think your being selfish.

I hope this makes sense.