[bptoo]

I'm feeling really down, and very useless. I don't even feel like I have a role to play in my own future. I've actually been on the verge of tears all day and I don't know why. Everytime someone comes by my desk with more work for me to do, I just think it's another thing I can't accomplish. And I'm probably going to lose my job soon anyway, so why should I care? I hate when this happens. I know it will pass, but I don't know when. I just want to go hide away and make everyone leave me alone, but I know that's not the right thing to do. I don't know the right thing to do...

Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

Depression sucks.

bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Bp}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You may be down hun but you are definitely not useless. You are going through so much lately and it is ok to feel the way you do. It will pass and in the meantime know how much you are thought of and are cared for.

Hang onto the good thoughts that you do have ...you have wonderful friends and family who love you. You can get through this ...I know you can.


Heather

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."
~~author unknown

[Fuzzybear]

I am sorry you're feeling so down bp but you are totally not useless. You did the right thing reaching out to us here, you help so many people here with your caring, insight and humour and we love you! Apart from all the other things you do, and just being you, you remembered this bear's birthday, when my own father couldn't be bothered to send me a card. I wasn't going to tell anyone that but ... I hope tomorrow is a better day, and please keep posting ... remember we are here for you however you are feeling.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{bp}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Fuzzy

[SeptemberMorn]

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BP}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

That monster, Depression is talking to you again. Don't listent to him! He's a stinkin' LIAR! Tell him to "shut up and sit down!!"

[forgoten]

I'm sorry you ara feeling so down. You are certainly not useless. You are such a caring person. I hope you feel better soon.

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bp)))))))))))))))))))))) Take care!

forgoten

[Serenity]

{{{{{{{BP}}}}}}
Would it help if I serenaded you with Garth?
*smile*
Sorry it's a rough day for you , Hun....
Jennifer

[bunny44]

it will pass. you know to take deep breaths through your nose and exhale slowly by mouth. exercise kicks depression's butt, fast. too bad it's exercise---i know a job may be a pain, but it's also super to have that schedule, people about, and a purpose. you matter. is there a real basis for thinking you'll lose your job? that may just be the depression talking negative bunk. it goes away, don't ask me why---coffee/tea helps me---and starbuck's started in seattle where depression seems a major problem. if you have solid reason on losing work, that would get to anyone---i hope it's not the case. we all know stress is trouble, and if co-workers keep piling it on beyond reason, well, that can bring you down. i don't know your location, but i always get clobbered when they switch to standard time, just when we need more sunlight---funny, in the summer when we've plenty, they give us more---in winter they take it away. when i lived in alaska i bought 'sunlight' flouescents, seemed to help. and really, seems the whole state goes down in winter, only to become manic in summer---you might think about SAD being tossed on you, like more work, and try getting more light---best wishes---

pirate

[bptoo]

Thanks so much everyone! Your good thoughts and kind words do mean a lot to me. I'll try to use your strength to drive this away. I just woke this morning with a cloud hanging over my head. I'd ask if any of you have ever had one of these days, but that would probably be like asking you if you breathe... I've been doing a lot of reflecting on where my life is, and where I think it should be. And I'm a major disappointment to myself right now.

This is going to sound so pathetic, but a lot of where my head is right now is because of my job. I guess I'm a workaholic (ask my wife about the year that I worked 16 hour days and most weekends). Having been a contractor for the last 2 1/2 years has left me feeling very empty. It's always been important to me to do a good job, to leave at the end of the day knowing that I made a contribution. It's so cool to have one of those jobs that you look forward to getting up in the morning for. I love being a part of something important. I had all these things at my last job before they went under. Being a contractor where I am now, I feel totally empty. I don't feel like I belong. It's like if I disappeared tomorrow, no one would notice. Is it insane that a job should be so darned important to a person's life?

Jeez gang, I'm really rambling here. I'm sorry about that. I really do appreciate you all being here for me, but now the question of whether or not bp is crazy has been answered. As a fruitcake!

I have to stop now, Jenn (my firstborn's name BTW) is going to sing to me. I'm starting to feel a bit better...thanks.

bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

[PlanningtoLive]

I'm glad you're feeling better. You are wrong if you think you wouldn't be missed. I think your ideas are extremely valuable and your input is always appreciated by me.

You are a really terrific person.

Mary Alice

[SeptemberMorn]

"Poor, poor Petrie..." Oops! I mean BP... hehehe Did you forget that a man's job makes him who he is? Well... as least, that's what you men think! It's only natural that you feel empty at that job because it isn't fulfilling. Then on top of that, you never know when the other shoe is going to drop. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BP}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Get out of there as soon as you can, Guy. Don't wait for them to drop the guillotine first. I know... I know... easier said than done. I'm sorry. Anyway... you're not crazy, you're not silly or anything else like that. Everything sounds notmal to me... so stop acting so normal, ok? hehehe

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((( beep )))))))))))))))

Sorry if guy hugs are icky man, but I understand.... Some days are harder than others. Hope it passes soon friend.....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[somebodyelse]

So how are things today, BP? I know exactly the feeling that you described. I lost my job because my depression and anxiety prevented me from performing my duties. I hope that things are better for you.

[Serenity]

*gargles salt water...clears throat...deep breath...*

"On the eighth day God noticed a problem
For there below Him stood a cowboy alone
Stubborn and proud, reckless and loud
God knew he'd never make it on his own
So God looked out all over creation
And listened as that cowboy prayed
God took passion and thunder
Patience and wonder then He sent down
The best thing that God ever made

(CHORUS)
Cowboys and angels, leather and lace
Salt of the earth meets heavenly grace
Cowboys and angels tested and tried
It's a long way to heaven
And one hell of a ride

Nothin's changed since the dawn of creation
For you will find them together today
And only heaven above them knows why she loves him
But he must be the reason she don't fly away
(CHORUS)
It's a long way to heaven
And one hell of a ride"

Courtesy of....
Artist Garth Brooks
Song Cowboys And Angels

You're one Helluva Cowboy,BP...consider us your Angels Tough as leather...and soft as lace
{{{{{{{BP}}}}}}

Jennifer

[Fuzzybear]

Mind if I join in with you and Garth, Jennifer??

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{bp}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BP}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Not sure I can sing this week, but here's a hug for you. You are such a great guy and very valuable around here. Obviously you are at work too, as you were a keeper when they were downsizing, but I can understand that you aren't comfortable with your employer now. Layoffs don't contribute to a pleasant working environment.


<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>

[hey_hey]

(((((((((((BP)))))))))))))

Hey bptoo, are you feeling any better? Guess it was just like one of those days that we just slip into the bad mood again.

Meant to say something about what you said about work, but not sure how I'm feeling. So, just sending you my thoughts and good wished... Please stay well.

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[bptoo]

Hi gang, I took the day off yesterday and spent the whole time hiding under the covers. I hoped it would pass and today would be better, but... It's been awhile since it's been this bad. I just feel sick inside, my stomach and head hurt, and my thoughts are so negative.

I really appreciate everyone watching out for me, it means a lot. I may be on the quiet side for a few days, but don't worry, I'll be here when I need to be, I promise.

Love to all,
bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

[darkeyes]

Beep, my friend this is most likely the load of the job thing and stuff, taking a day off was good idea, sometimes it helps the body and mind "re-group", we all need to do this from time to time. Together, we'll get through this, though our "stuff" differs, please know I am sending my good wishes,
love and hugs to you, dear
Hang in there, the dips in this roller coaster can be tough but they do rise, I'm here to help you mean time
Take care,
"darkeyes"

((((((((((((((bptoo))))))))))))

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Fuzzybear]

bp, I truly wish I could take all of your pain away, but this little message comes with a load of love, luck and good wishes. Thinking of you ....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{bp}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Take gentle care of you,
Fuzzy

[Peanut61]

((((((((BP))))))))) = I sooo get the job thing; I really do. I've felt that way for over a year, and only very recently have I been able to feel that anything like my last job, (when it was good = it was very, very good), would come along again, but, alas, an opportunity has presented itself, (and, in the meantime, I've been forced to come to grips with and, ultimately appreciate, who I am separate from what I did for a living ), and I really believe that it will for you, too.

This job can be seen as a transition/holding spot on the way to the next project that you WILL be able to feel excited about - I really do believe that, BP.

Keeping you in my thought, friend! Most fondly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Serenity]

Absolutely!! The more the merrier

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{Bp}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry hun....we are all here for you.

We can all snuggle in with you if that would work?


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[hey_hey]

Just want to give you tight warm hugs, bp. Take care...

(((((((((((((BPTOO))))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[soscared]

Hi I just read your entry, hope you are having a better day, sometimes when we are down the whole world seems to be against you.
Your right tomorrow is another day and you can look back and see that you can have good days too!!!!!.
Hope you are feeling better and try not to let things get to you, you can only do what you can do, and the rest will just have to wait.
You do have a role in your future maybe you just have not been able to find it yet or just not able to achieve it yet, but it will come to you.

[bptoo]

Wow...no matter how I feel, the one thing it won't be is unloved. You guys are pretty special, I think I'll keep you

bp

P.S. Thanks for the song Jenn, it's the one I would have picked. Nice voice

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."