[roses4peace]

Hi everyone, i'm new here.

I'm on vacation and I think it's making me worse than if I was at work. Like today my boyfriend left for work at 6am and i heard him shout out, like he was missing something, and then he left. I'm a light sleeper so I wake up almost everyday when he leaves for work, then fall back asleep. I couldn't help but be extremely anxious about what happened. Why was he upset?! I haven't been sleeping very much because the medicine i'm currently on makes me wake up at odd hours(going to dr on monday) so that is probably keeping me on edge. I get so anxious about everything; if I have to go to an appointment, if I have to meet up with someone and don't feel like going...and it affects my moods tremendously.

I don't have the stress of work, but i'm still depressed. I feel like everything I do I am still depressed. If i'm not looking forward to something big in the immediate future, then i'm depressed and think what is the point of life. I'm not suicidal. I just always think "what's the point??" I'll be happy for a night or a portion of the day if i'm doing something fun, but once I get time to think alone, I just feel like there's nothing exciting in life to look forward to because everything makes me anxious & worried. I am too anxious and too indecisive to make a career switch, which I know I want to do, but I am paralyzed by my anxiety.

Thanks in advance for listening. I guess everyone comes here to vent a little bit?

[daganoth]

I'm new here too. And I was surprised to find a post already that says exactly what I feel. I don't have any advice, I struggle with the same anxiety and depression. I've been at the same job for 9 years because I'm too afraid to make a move. I get so depressed sometimes I can't even make myself get out of bed to go to work. My husband sent me a text just yesterday after I'd missed a few calls that said "We can talk later". I immediately was seized with fear. "What did he want to talk about?" I had to wait a few hours before I could see him and I was worried the whole time. Anyway, he just wanted to share something small with me, it was nothing at all, but it through my day into havoc. He doesn't understand my depression. He thinks I must be so unhappy with my life and with him. Which isn't true. He is the bright spot in my life, but I was alone evening all last week and depression just takes a hold when I'm alone and start to think. I try to drowned it all out with TV but nothing really helps or if it does it's only temporary. I'm just so tired...

TOTALLY understand this 100%. I'm sorry that I don't have any encouraging words for you; I'm not in the greatest place at the moment. But I saw your post and wanted you to feel like someone was out there...not like you've reached out to an empty space or something. It's just the internet but I guess we're kinda in it together, hey?

[roses4peace]

Thanks for the reply, misskeena. We are in it together! In this confusing state it helps to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what you're going through. We may not have answers for each other, but we can help each other along the way!

Agreed. I like your avatar, by the way.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Hmmm yea Im in the same boat. I have days where I enjoy a moment and move about but I've been struggling with the getting out of bed thing as well. I've even canceled plans to stay in bed. :-( its a vicious cycle.

Originally Posted by triciadrich

I've even canceled plans to stay in bed.

Yep. Done that. Probably a little part of the reason I have no close friends...

[CastlesInTheAir]

Actually I just did it then when night time hits I get mad at myself for not doing anything.

Wtf? Lol

[roses4peace]

I do the same thing. I will cancel plans with someone if i am not completely feeling up for it (most likely the thought of going somewhere at the moment, to a specific place, etc gets me anxious) then I get so apologetic to the person and tell them i'm a terrible friend, etc, and worry about what they think. Then end up feeling antisocial.

It is a vicious cycle. My anxiety cripples me to the point where I shake probably about 60% of the day, 80% of the day when I have an appointment or something important to do where I can't just lie in bed/on the couch & relax. I hate it so much. It's preventing me from living life and clouds what's truly important in life.

[Seshat]

I cancel plans because I tend to think my feelings will end up being "contagious", so to speak, and I don't wanna upset other people. This semester I skipped class a couple of times because the "not wanting to get out of bed" feeling came back and it was very tiresome. I hadn't fell like that in months, but I've had a lot of new triggers and stressors lately.

[roses4peace]

I get that way too. I am so concerned that other people will not want to be around me because I am just in a mood, and i KNOW i will not be able to pick myself up. I just hate that i cannot seem to function at full percent when SOMETHING, ANYTHING doesn't go my way. Like, when everything is status quo or normal, and I don't have anything looming over my head, i'm OK. But the second someone goes wrong, little or big, I freak out. Not a fun way to live life!!!!

[doggiedo]

I'm right there with you guys. Hugs to you all. Are there one or two things you can make as a goal to do for the day?

Today it's noon and I'm still in bed. I haven't showered in 2 days. Hoping to bring the dogs to the dog park and showering....

[roses4peace]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I'm right there with you guys. Hugs to you all. Are there one or two things you can make as a goal to do for the day?

Today it's noon and I'm still in bed. I haven't showered in 2 days. Hoping to bring the dogs to the dog park and showering....

That is a good goal. Mine is similar. Taking my dogs to a local minor league baseball game. So my goals today are to have fun at that and NOT worry about something I have been anxious about since last night.

I've been on vacation this week, and sadly it has made me realize I need work (even though i'm not too keen on my job) to be productive. Or else I would stay in bed all day and shower like twice a week. I've needed a vacation for so long and this vacation has made me realize that work, with all it's stress, helps me. Now it has 2 pluses: $ and creates a good diversion away from my depression.

Good luck to everyone PM me any time you need a friend

[Seshat]

Thanks doggiedo and roses4peace.

I need a break from school! I'm glad it's almost over for the summer. I'll be focusing on on my health and spending time with my family. I got a summer job a few days ago. Haven't started out yet, but I'm really looking forward to it.

[roses4peace]

I remember those days! What year are you? I know the stress can be overwhelming in college. I had my first anxiety attack my sophomore year. I remember every second of it...it was after an economics exam i thought i failed (i ended up getting a C) and i sat in my closet and cried and shook and called my mom. Ahhhh i never want to relive that!

Originally Posted by roses4peace

It is a vicious cycle. My anxiety cripples me to the point where I shake probably about 60% of the day, 80% of the day when I have an appointment or something important to do where I can't just lie in bed/on the couch & relax. I hate it so much. It's preventing me from living life and clouds what's truly important in life.

I feel like this almost every day before I go to work (I work third shift). This is why I'm difficult to work with (I'm always tense and anxious with my coworkers), and why my life is disorganized. If I could just be more efficient and get things done before work, I would have a little more organization. But I get so anxious that I kind of shut down until I have to be "on" again, and then it's like a marathon trying to get through the 8 hours. I just made it today; punched out 10 minutes early because I wanted to scream, cry, punch someone...whatever...

I flake out on plans too, and then get all apologetic. When I try to explain the anxiety thing, I can just see people's eyes glaze over; I feel like they don't want to hear it.

Originally Posted by Seshat

I cancel plans because I tend to think my feelings will end up being "contagious", so to speak, and I don't wanna upset other people.

That's really actually very thoughtful if you think about it. I sort of wish I could be that way. Instead, I'm so freaking needy. It's like, when I'm depressed, I'm a freaking critically wounded person pierced through the chest and gut, profusely bleeding emotion out all over the place. Well, I think I used to be that way. I think I'm more of a brick wall these days (which can be a big bloody puddle of "Get the heck away from me" emotion...) Behind that brick wall I'm basically just hoping that SOMEBODY will climb over and give me a hug or just want to listen and understand me. Idk, maybe I am more like you than I think, Seshat, because when I feel depressed I just don't want to deal with people. For me though, I feel like it's pointless. I feel like the whole time I'm with them I'm going to be metaphorically screaming from behind the wall and they're going to be inadvertently hurting me with their indifference.

[roses4peace]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I feel like this almost every day before I go to work (I work third shift). This is why I'm difficult to work with (I'm always tense and anxious with my coworkers), and why my life is disorganized. If I could just be more efficient and get things done before work, I would have a little more organization. But I get so anxious that I kind of shut down until I have to be "on" again, and then it's like a marathon trying to get through the 8 hours. I just made it today; punched out 10 minutes early because I wanted to scream, cry, punch someone...whatever...

I flake out on plans too, and then get all apologetic. When I try to explain the anxiety thing, I can just see people's eyes glaze over; I feel like they don't want to hear it.

I always thought it was just a work thing, but almost every morning I have this pang of anxiety right when I get up. Since i was on vacation last week, I still get it. I think it's because I am so peaceful when sleeping, no anxiety can haunt me there, that when I wake up i'm like "great, i have to deal with another day of anxiety/the unknown/annoying people".

I know the feeling of trying to get yourself to be "on", it's so difficult sometimes. I hide it really well at work where people like me but secretly i think most of them are a pain in the *****!!!!! lol