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  #1  
Old Nov 26, 2011, 05:18 PM
Anonymous200104
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I'm feeling horrible.

Okay, I know that's not much to go on. If I got into specifics, I'd be here all night and a) no one wants to read a novel about Why Misskeena Is Sad and b) I have to take a nap before work. Let's just say that things don't work out the way that I envision them or the way that they should. Pretty much ever, for me, and I'm not just saying that. I tell you, and this isn't just me wallowing in negativity, I think I may be one of the most unlucky people I know. This all has to do with long lost family (a father, stepmother, and 3 sisters) finding me (finding ME, not the other way around) and, well, deciding they didn't have much use for me (it really is that simple, I promise). I should also tell you that I was abandoned by my mother when I was 15. Just up and disappeared...I had no choice but to go to foster care.

I want to believe that I can rise above, and I usually succeed in getting past these things. I'm resilient. But it's getting very difficult lately. Being rejected by not one but two parents (and other relatives)? Really? Or how about being on THREE online dating sites for a year and having very few men contact me, only 4 actual dates, only one of which progressed to a second date--after which he decided he "didn't know what he wanted after all." (Turns out I was too fat. I'm 5'10" and a size 16. I'm not THAT big.) I haven't had close friends or, really, friends in 10 years. I haven't had a serious boyfriend in 6.

I'm sure that I'm the common denominator here but tons of therapy hasn't shown me exactly why. And I don't know if I'm really asking why. I'm just on here because I feel awful. I feel like screaming, crying, tearing my hair out. I want someone to hold onto me, to make me soup and tell me I'll be okay and that they love me. But there isn't anyone like that. I feel trapped. I feel like there's nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to go to work like this. I don't want people to see me like this.
Hugs from:
Bella01, Puffyprue

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  #2  
Old Nov 26, 2011, 05:38 PM
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likewater likewater is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,309
See you like what? Depressed? Lonely? No one would ever see me then.lol
(((Misskeena))) sorry to hear all you've been through, and i'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Sending you love and positive vibes and wishing you healing and self love and all the good things still waiting for you.
Thanks for this!
lynn P., Puffyprue
  #3  
Old Nov 26, 2011, 05:49 PM
Anonymous200104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by likewater View Post
See you like what? Depressed? Lonely? No one would ever see me then.lol
(((Misskeena))) sorry to hear all you've been through, and i'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Sending you love and positive vibes and wishing you healing and self love and all the good things still waiting for you.
Yeah, I don't know. All of the above. There's something about me being depressed and lonely that turns people off. Like I have the plague or something. People say that I'm angry all the time which may be but...I guess...I feel angry and stressed and trapped all the time. Even when I'm just expressing an opinion they say I sound angry (and I'm not).

Anyway. Thank you. *hug*
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Puffyprue
  #4  
Old Nov 26, 2011, 05:53 PM
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roads roads is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: away
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I'm making you soup from roasted, sun-dried tomatoes. We'll have toasted cheese sandwiches with it. Earl Grey green tea or milk or iced tea--your choice.

Then we'll talk. About guys & Ts. About online dating & how some sites are better than others for some people. And why I'm so glad you're at PC, even though I wish you'd never had to go thru all the miserable stuff that got you here tonight.

*gentle hugs* misskeena

Roadrunner
Thanks for this!
lynn P.
  #5  
Old Nov 26, 2011, 06:15 PM
Anonymous200104
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Thank you, Roadrunner. I just teared up all over again...you're very kind.

Earl Grey is my favorite.

P.S. I don't think it's the sites, I think it's me. I've tried pretty much all of them.
  #6  
Old Nov 26, 2011, 08:04 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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I'm literally at a loss for words (and i'm usually full of it) i'm just SO sorry that you've been through such hell. I imagine being abandoned (yeah i got issues,thats what brought me here LOL) and it FREAKS me out BIG TIME. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through. And let me just say this ( hehe i think the words are finding me n0w) i have a daughter, she's nearly 8, i would NEVER do what your mom did, not under ANY circumstances, so NEVER EVER think or feel that you were the reason she left, she didn't deserve you. I look at myself and i look at my daughter and i thing God PLEASE don't let my mental gunk rub off on her (bipolar,ocd and borderline just for fun) and now reading your post, i'm thinking, if my daughter's got even half of your charactrer and strength, i aint got nothing to worry about! You are an AMAZING, SPECIAL, STRONG individual, i don't EVER want you to doubt that. You have us now, your PC family, and i don't want you to ever feel alone again! And when your strength and resilience seems to be fading... Remember that you are WORTH the effort. Lots of love and hugs to you, wish i could offer you that nice bowl of soup and a chat. XOXO
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Anonymous200104
Thanks for this!
Bella01, LoneWolfie, lynn P.
  #7  
Old Nov 27, 2011, 12:17 AM
LoneWolfie LoneWolfie is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: Kingston Ontario
Posts: 430
This all has to do with long lost family (a father, stepmother, and 3 sisters) finding me (finding ME, not the other way around) and, well, deciding they didn't have much use for me (it really is that simple, I promise). I should also tell you that I was abandoned by my mother when I was 15. Just up and disappeared...I had no choice but to go to foster care.

I can only imagine the pain you are feeling with the loss of people who are supposed to love and care for you. It must be devastating but you seem to be doing the right things, you mentioned being in therapy and you found PC. People here will listen to you, I have found that here and it does help.

Or how about being on THREE online dating sites for a year and having very few men contact me, only 4 actual dates, only one of which progressed to a second date--after which he decided he "didn't know what he wanted after all." (Turns out I was too fat. I'm 5'10" and a size 16. I'm not THAT big.)

Ok here I have experience and lots of it!! Only difference is I am female and can say I have a wife of 11 years. We did meet online BUT and this is a big BUT, there are alot of people out there that just play with people's emotions. The saying "Been there done that!" Yep a shitload of heartache but eventually I found her, I learned from a few mistakes too.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yes there does have to be some physical attraction and that is different for EVERYONE! I have never looked at whether someone was thin or large, I notice eyes first. I really believe eyes are windows into the soul. A nothing thing I am no stringbean myself, I am not sure what size in women's clothing because well I tend to wear men's!LOL But I will say that I wear a size 50 in pants and damn boobs are about that too..... Something to keep in mind you will meet someone I know I did and I thought I never would.

I haven't had close friends or, really, friends in 10 years. I haven't had a serious boyfriend in 6.

I'll join your club, I don't have friends. When I met my wife I moved to another province away from my brothers and mom. Close friends I definately do not have. I recently met a lady in my building that I get on with very well, I tend to go up to her place to talk about my mental stuff. I have lived in this building for almost 8 years.

I want someone to hold onto me, to make me soup and tell me I'll be okay and that they love me. But there isn't anyone like that. I feel trapped. I feel like there's nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

(((((((((((((((misskeena))))))))))))))))))))) giving you hugs and I see that roadrunner is making the soup. Good thing, I only do the stuff out of the can.

I don't want to feel like this.

Hon everyone here doesn't want to feel what they are feeling that is why we are here. There is great support here and if you ever want to message me to talk, go right ahead.

Last edited by LoneWolfie; Nov 27, 2011 at 12:19 AM. Reason: hugging wrong poster. Oops
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  #8  
Old Dec 28, 2011, 06:32 PM
Anonymous200104
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Hello to Trippin2.0 and LoneWolfie. Sorry that I am VERY late in my reply, but I wanted to say thank you for your kind words. They make a difference to me, I assure you.
  #9  
Old Jan 04, 2012, 02:45 AM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misskeena View Post
Turns out I was too fat. I'm 5'10" and a size 16. I'm not THAT big.
I agree!
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.

Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
  #10  
Old Jan 05, 2012, 11:05 PM
Anonymous200104
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Thanks, CantExplain. I wonder if the thing was that I feel (felt) unhealthy at the size I'm at? Of course I want to lose weight but more importantly I'm trying to live and eat more healthfully. I'm starting to feel a difference in both my body and mind...I'm sure that will make a difference in how I relate to others.
  #11  
Old Jan 05, 2012, 11:22 PM
Tinkerbell08 Tinkerbell08 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 23
Thank you for sharing! I'm not good in emotion stuff or comforting people, but I would like to try and tell you that I think that it takes courage to share those things! I don't have a lot of friends either, but that's ok. I learned that sometimes people you only know in the Internet are caring more than anyone around you!
I'm sorry for the people who choose to abandon you, they are stupid, they choose not to see your real you. Like a diamond, when you find it it might look like a ugly stone, only with the proper care and treatment they become pretty and you can see their real value! So I would say they missed out on something beautiful!
  #12  
Old May 13, 2012, 07:56 AM
Anonymous200104
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Thanks Tinkerbell.
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