Questions for the Loners

I mean the true blue loners, who have NO friends and hangs out with NO ONE (family doesn't count).

1)How long have you been this way?
2)Do you enjoy it?
3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
6) how do you spend your free time?

You don't have to answer all of the questions, feel free to pick one or a few.

Thanks

1)How long have you been this way?

Pretty recently. I've always had just a few friends, but as I get older its fewer and fewer

2)Do you enjoy it?

Sometimes. I wish I had people to go and do stuff with though. People that I know, like, like me, and that I feel comfortable with. Not with a bunch of relative strangers

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?

Its difficult to make friends. Most of my friends are married with children.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"

Not that long ago, but she passed away.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)

I lie about it. I dont want people asking or feeling sorry for me.

6) how do you spend your free time?

Reading, school, gym, shopping, beach. I'm still pretty active and I dont have problems talking to people really at all. I engage in conversations with strangers almost daily. Its just when people start to get personal....

Good set of questions
1) 5 years or so years
2) Sometimes, but would prefer to complain about the other way
3)50/50 I feel I have let past good friends down
4) 6 years
5) Yes
6) Blaming myself

hope that helps might break the ice Cheers

who have NO friends - does this mean like nobody to have coffee with or see a movie, or nobody to take you to the doctor's? Because I have coffee fRiends, but probably not doctor friends.

hang out with NO ONE - define hang out? once a day, once a week, 3x/week, 1x/month, etc. I have 2 people, 1 per month.

1)How long have you been this way? all my life?
2)Do you enjoy it? it's okay. I don't share my apartment with 20 people like I might have to in Russia, so I can't complain.
3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends? too tired after work, unpredictable work hours (partly due to therapy), nothing in common with coworkers (ie booze)
4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?" high school
5) Do people know you're a loner? They know - I get a lot of comments from neighbors, oh I haven't seen you! I will admit I haven't left the apartment.
6) how do you spend your free time? Online, TV, reading, writing, hoarding and dehoarding, crafts, chores.

1)How long have you been this way?
For as long as I can remember. I've always been an introverted person. Right now I am a junior in high school and have two people that I consider "close" friends, even if they aren't, really.

2)Do you enjoy it?
Not really. At school I always get the feeling that other people make fun of me for it.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
I do have a difficult time making friends. I'm not really interested in hanging out with kids my age, and I'm not into the same stuff they are i.e. music or television. It's just not my thing.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
I've always had one best friend, but I haven't seen him much lately because we don't have any classes together. He's found a new best friend and I guess I resent him for it.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
Yeah, I think they do. I know logically they don't care either way, but when I'm at school, I feel really nervous about it - like they're watching me.

6) how do you spend your free time?
I'm almost always with my family. I do most of my drawing in art class, so I might write something or read a book. I go online a lot.

My life is boring, it feels so unsatisfying. I think this is a lot of what fuels my depression. My therapist says I need to get out more and that doing so would probably take care of the problem, but she doesn't get it......it's not just that easy. Don't you think if it were, I would have discovered that for myself long ago?

I have 3 actual friends, whom I see maybe once every 2 to 3 months. I'm currently jobless, so, that doesn't help any. The only person I see sometimes for days is my fiance. Unless I go shopping or to the library but of course, that doesn't count.

1)How long have you been this way?
My whole life. I had a lot of "acquaintances". I wasn't allowed to have anybody over unless my mom knew what religion they belonged to and the number of hairs on their head.

2)Do you enjoy it?
Yes and no. I've always enjoyed the alone time but I feel like I'm stuck and can't vent to anyone. One person can only help so much.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
It's neither. It just happened. Too much noise always overwhelmed me anyways. That's why I don't like family get togethers. I'm actually fantastic with people and can talk to anyone about anything. I just don't because...I really don't know why.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
Well, my 3 friends I consider my best friends because they know me exactly as I am and are ok with it. They're lifers. But there's a difference between friends you just hang out with and friends you can call across the country and tell your innermost secrets too.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
What do you mean hide? Do you mean hide it from them or hide from them? People know I'm a loner and always have. I just leave and do something else sometimes.

6) how do you spend your free time?
Reading (not so much anymore), sewing, online, trying to write, cooking and cleaning....

1)How long have you been this way?

All my life, except for manic periods when I'm elated and enthusiastic and other people seem to flock to it because it catches.

2)Do you enjoy it?

Yep. It's extremely difficult for me to feel lonely. At times I've gone weeks without talking to anyone at all, for any reason.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?

I can definitely make friends, just I choose not to. Happy with my own company.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"

A couple of years ago... my last euphoric mania.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)

People are always saying I need to get out more. They mistakenly assume this will mean I spend time with them, when actually I'm likely to take off somewhere new and explore it on my own.

6) how do you spend your free time?

However I like.

I just wanted to say that I think we have different "faces" depending on who we're with. For instance, you're not the same with your mother as you are with a friend. I like who I am when I'm alone, with no one to temper myself for. IMHO, most people surround themselves with other people and noise, and they never truly know or like themselves. Those same people then usually preach to me about my self esteem.

I have lots of self esteem. I think I'm fantastic, despite my faults (of which I have quite a few). I am utterly convinced, however, that the world at large does not share my good opinion of myself. I'm not responsible for other people's thoughts, and even if I was, I honestly don't have the spare energy to change their minds.

/minirant

1)How long have you been this way?
Most of my life

2)Do you enjoy it?
I prefer it to being irritated by the ignorance and stupidness of the majority of the human race

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
Choice

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
About 7 yrs ago. She decided she didn't need me anymore after she "found a man"

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone
Yes, I make it pretty obvious

6) how do you spend your free time?
I have two kids and a husband that occupy most of my time

1) How long have you been this way?

I’ve always been the type to keep to myself more, although in the past I would go out with friends and/or family and enjoy life. I’ve been a true loner in the past year and a half.

2) Do you enjoy it?

I enjoy a lot of alone time, because being around people a lot can cause me to become irritable and anxious, but I do not enjoy my present situation. I want more social interaction.

3) Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?

I’ve always had trouble making and maintaining friendships. I’m a loner now by choice, mainly due to some self-esteem issues.

4) When was the last time you had a best friend?

Right now I have someone I keep in contact with on the phone frequently. I would consider him a close friend. Otherwise, probably high school.

5) Do people know you are a loner?

My family does.

6) How do you spend your free time?

I get online quite often, watch t.v., read, and make 3 A.M. trips to the store.

1)How long have you been this way?
I have been a loner for all of my life. While I have had one or two friends over the years, we've grown extremely distant in the past 5 years or so.

2)Do you enjoy it?
No ~ but there are definitely times when I appreciate the space.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
Both choice and difficult. My self-esteem is in the gutter, and I'm not real good at putting on a happy face.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
Probably about 8 years ago, while my (now ex) and I were happily married.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
I don't know.

6) how do you spend your free time?
Exercise, clean, bake, volunteer in the elderly community. On the very negative side, I use my sexuality to avoid loneliness (which only works to a small extent).

1)How long have you been this way?
All my life, I think with myself it is a confidence thing going back to my childhood,bullied at school.

2)Do you enjoy it?
I am used to it now.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
It is difficult for me to make friends as I see myself as boring.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
This year but it was someone online who treated me like crap so I ended the friendship.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
Yeah I think so but they have not said so.

6) how do you spend your free time?
With my kids and husband

1)How long have you been this way?
Until I pushed my "friends" away....

2)Do you enjoy it?
Yes, I do. I like being on my own, I enjoy it.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
It's my choice that I don't want to be with people. They just love putting me down. Plus I have difficulty knowing people.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
Years ago even though they were false friends and spoke behind my back and said all sorts of horrible names.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
I'm not sure

6) how do you spend your free time?
I sleep, go on the computer, pet my dogs, talk to my family, reading and so on

1)I think ive always been kinda sheltered but ive been isolating myself from other people for about 3 years.

2)F#%k no. The loneliness affects me in profound and disturbing ways.

3)Now that I'm not in school it's alot harder to make friends for some reason.

4) I don't think I've ever really had a "best friend", I've just had good friends. But I haven't had a real friend for a couple of years.

5)I try to pretend that everything is fine but it never really is.

6) I sing, write poetry, write songs, play on the xbox, watch tv, I don't really have hobbies that require me to go out.

Thank you for your answers! I went through them all and I identify with most of you. For me sometimes being alone makes me question where I stand compared to others. I constantly end up asking myself "Is this normal?" Your input means a lot to me. Thanks!

Wasn't sure if I should post or not, because I don't really feel lonely even though I'm always alone. My mother constantly tells me to get a life.

1)How long have you been this way?
I get like this sometimes, been like this for maybe a year now.

2)Do you enjoy it?
Yes, "Hell is other people" - Sartre. I just don't really like the demands other people put on me.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
I make friends easy enough, I spent a lot of my childhood moving around so I know how to make fast friends, I just don't really want to get to know them. I spent a few years around people constantly, I'm just sick of people.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
When I was married I guess

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
My neighbors like to make comments about me locking myself in my apartment,playing video games.

6) how do you spend your free time?
Games, online, listening to and playing music, anime, movies

I have lived alone. I will die alone. The world is not user friendly, much like this site.

thank you siempre nada for starting this thread! this is something I have been thinking about for a while. I have always shied away from friendships, because after awhile they just stressed me out. friends always seemed to need to be doing something, and it was overwhelming after a while, and I felt pressured but never could explain why I didn't want to participate in everything they were doing. now that I am older I worry that I will never have any friends but at the same time too much time with other people is stressful. mostly I hope I can figure out how to get across that I really need a lot of time to myself without hurting anyone's feelings, but I dont think most people understand that.

How long? All my life

Do {I} enjoy it?: preferable to suffering the dramas of others...I like my drama!

Is it by choice?: yes, I make friends with great ease...just prefer my own co most of the time. I do so crack me up...amazing the thoughts I entertain...

Best friend: Still have 2 long friendships--distant...duration of 40+ years

Do People know (do I hide it): No, I really don't like to be unkind. When others get close (they think) I listen to them...I be a friend to them.

Free time: Volunteer at an animal shelter...walk doggies, knit, crochet, laugh at myself a lot a lot, read, disect me, write............shh! this is private?~~~theo

1)How long have you been this way?
18 years. My whole life.

2)Do you enjoy it?
I long for companionship and want to be left alone.

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
I don't know anyone, and am too nervous around people to meet anyone.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
I've never even had an aquaintence.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
If anyone notices, they don't say anything.

6) how do you spend your free time?
Writing.

1)How long have you been this way?
Since 2011 I isolated myself

2)Do you enjoy it?
At first I was so sick I did not care

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?
Both because I do not really go anywhere to meet people

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"
September 2012 when I got diagnosis

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)
Yes very much

6) how do you spend your free time?
Reading,computer,watching tv/movies,going to MDs Appts

1)How long have you been this way?

most of my life
2)Do you enjoy it?

i've learnt to accept it- and yes, i guess i do enjoy it.. people drive me crazy
3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?

i think a little of both
4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"

i don't think i can say that i've ever had a " best friend"
5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)

i hardly see anyone.. so they couldn't find out even if they wanted to
6) how do you spend your free time?

locked in my room, listening to my music, on my pc, or watching tv

1)How long have you been this way?

Since I was young, I mean I have friends but they would leave but I didn't mind.

2)Do you enjoy it?

I enjoy it very much

3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?

Sometimes both.

4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"

3 years ago, but it only lasted like 4 months, I didn't see them as best friends, I just thought about them as close friend because I knew they would just go but they see me as a best friend soo.

5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)

Being open, I don't really mind.

6) how do you spend your free time?

Reading books, reading manhwas, listening to classical music, studying, playing video games, daydreaming, taekwondo, exercising, watching shows.

1. Pretty-much all of my life at least as far back as I can recall
2. I wouldn't exactly say I enjoy being a loner. But it's what works for me.
3. Choice
4. Never
5. Don't know, don't care
6. Doing household chores, messing around on the internet, watching free movies on YouTube, waiting for time to pass...

1) For most of my life. It seems like it's always been that way.

2) Yes and no. I would like to have at least a nice friend whom we can share meeting of the minds with. But I prefer to be alone than to be with miserable company. I won't settle for bad company but I know many others who do.

3) I would say it's difficult for me to make friends, so being a loner is more like a default for me than a choice. I can have some nice "small talk" with others and I often do, but it's difficult for me to ask someone to do something with me.

4) I have a friend now but he's not that great. I had a real good friend about 20 years ago but then he moved away after a year. I had quite a few good friends when I was much younger - from age 16 to 30.

5) I'm sure others think of me as a loner. But it doesn't bother me knowing they know that about me.

6) Inside mostly. I tend to spend a lot of time on the net. I've been retired for about a year now. I do errands and go out on my bike everyday.

1)How long have you been this way?


As long as I can remember.



2)Do you enjoy it?


Yes



3)Is it by choice or is it just difficult to make friends?

Both, really, but more of a choice for me.



4)When was the last time you had a "best friend?"

Grade School



5) Do people know you're a loner? (i.e. trying to hide when people see you so they don't think you're a loner V.S being open and honest about being alone)

Yes. I'm open about being an introvert.



6) how do you spend your free time?

Reading, surfing the internet, gardening.