[Hanna]

It seams that I don't matter to myself at all when I am alone at home. I could care less about how the house looks like or myself. I am 7 month pregnant (for the first time) and my husband and I moved recently (september) from CT to Long Island. He has his work and collegues, but I don't have anyone here. Anyway, before he comes home I will make sure that the house is nice, that I look good for him and that I cook dinner for us. (If I would be alone, I would not even bother in making dinner...). But how can I change myself so that I know that I am important too to myself????? I have my dog, who tells me every day to talk her for a walk. She makes me get up the couch! I have several projects I can do during the day, but I can't find the energy to do any of it. It seams that I always need someone, I can show off to. Can anyone help me find MY energy???????

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS )))))))

You sound just like ME.... and I have been working on trying to love"ME" for the last 5 years or so - it is a hard road to travel but nevertheless it will be worth it when I find the ME that I failed to love so many years ago. The Me that got lost in all the hurt and abuse of others....

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[pegasus]

Dear Hanna,
First of all, congratulations on being pregnant.
Have you always felt like this? Or just while being pregnant?
Being pregnant is very exhausting, and hormonal changes can make you feel confused and tired.

Is there any way that you can get out and meet other Mums-to-be. Becoming a Mum can seem scary and it may be that you just need some company while your man is not around.

[Hanna]

Dear Pegasus,

Thanks for taking your time in trying to help me. I have had this problem once before when I was unemployed. I could not get a job because I was waiting to get my visa (I am from austria). I was living with my husband then when he was my boyfriend and I did not wanted to spend his money just because I was bored at home. Then, I did go and helped working in a horse stable which I really enjoyed. But sometimes I just could not get up and get the energy to go there. Even when I liked being there.
I do realize that the pregnancy has something to do with my problem, because I can't do the things I sometimes want. I guess it's always the same: If you can't work, you want to and if you work, you don't want to.
But I'm going away from my real problem here: I feel like that I need something what I HAVE to do, someone who tells me what to do, and if I don't do it then I get punished for it. and thats the thing wihich makes me doing it then. But how can I change myself to do things? The inner me seams to be stronger and just telling me: "Oh, you don't really have to do it or you can do it tomorrow or find any other excuse. I am a shy person when it comes to meet people. Once I know them, you would never thik that I am shy, but to make the step to walk into a group of women and try to make friends..that's not me.

[(JD)]

Welcome to psych central Hanna! IMO low self esteem could be one cause... and he could be a great encourager when around? But I wonder, if when he's not around, do you eat properly? Do you keep to a schedule for yourself? When you are together, do you eat high energy foods maybe? IDK, of course, but things are rarely solved by one item. TC

[pegasus]

Hanna,
It does sound like you have low self esteem.
And you have also had a lot of stresses just recently what with moving and being pregnant.

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself.
You said, "If I don't do it then I get punished fo it..."
Punished by whom?

What you actually need to say to yourself is
"I'm doing the best I can."
"I'm allowed to have a rest."
"If I do this job, I will have a treat and put my feet up for an hour"
Talking to yourself in this sort of way is alot more helpful than the pressure you were putting on yourself.

Remember that you are 7 months pregnant and you can have a break, or even spend all day in your nighty if you wanted!
Pamper yourself and don't feel guilty about it.

The other suggestion would be to have a chat with your doctor or nurse, they will hopefully reasure you and maybe put you in contact with other Mums.

Good luck!