:'-( losing hope.

I'm really not coping at all. It's so close to Christmas that I feel like I will ruin such a special time for my family so I have to keep it to myself. My mum noticed I'm more in a "horrible mood" so says "for God's sake go and get your medicine!" Which reeeeally winds me up. I feel so lost and just totally totally hopeless. I feel suicidal at times, sometimes I feel like I can't trust myself to be alone. But I can't tell anyone can I!? My cpn is useless and never helps, my psych is still trying to get this prozac to work but it's just making me worse. I'm not coping. I'm failing my A Levels, I'm being horrible to everyone. :'( I just wish I could hide away forever and not have to deal with this. Why does nobody in this whole world realise how I feel? Or do they just not care? I hate the thought of people not being 100% happy with me, I can't cope holding all this in but I can't ruin everything or let people down. I'm falling apart and I don't no what to do. :'( :'( :'(

(((((( Jess )))))))

Can you call your CPN tomorrow and let her know how bad you are feeling right now? We are here listening also.

I could. But I don't want he'd to call my mum. There's no one to turn to without me ruining everything. Thank-you for your reply peg

try and do something , go running,
you will get endorphins from exercise.
best I can think of. x

Can you tell him not to share it with your mum? - you should be entitled to confidential discussions with your CPN.

You matter to us on here, these feelings will pass, although I know that they can be so overwhelming - keep safe and let us know how you are doing - hugs to you Jess - Soup

Thanks aslan, sadly I've tried that it just made me think more. Nothing works, I may as well just give up.

Hi soup, I think I've let it get too far this time, if they think I'm so bad they no I always try hide it, so they'd tell them so they can "keep an eye on me" because my safety first etc blah blah. They make it so hard for me to trust them.

You could call The Samaritans in confidence. Click link The Samaritans

anything to trick your mind into feeling better?

cod liver oil capsals, they can help, to improve concentration,

what do think could help you?

(((((((((((((( Jess )))))))))))))

It is very difficult for people who haven't been depressed to understand what it really means.

They say, "I've been sad too." But have they been sad for years and given up hope that things will ever get better? Do they know what it is like to live with a dead soul? Mostly not. Lucky them!

Jess, first of all, never, never, give up. Life has a funny way of turning the corner into something just a little better just when youre ready to throw in the towel and say the heck with everything. I know this sounds strange but keep on trying to act "as if". Sometimes the mind cant tell the difference - whether were pretending or really happy - and you may find yourself actually smiling at something momentarily. Savor that moment. Hold onto it in your mind. Several of these mini-moments start to add up and may eventually turn into an hour or too when you can forget your troubles and actually enjoy an outing, a dinner, a christmas carol on the radio, etc.

Force yourself to get out. When I am really, really depressed, I get dressed (dont worry about showering) and go to my local bookstore. I sit surrounded by people, warmth, conversation, books, etc for a couple of hours. I drink my favorite frozen coffee drink (forget the calories!) and read something interesting. I dont read fashion or home magazines because I would compare myself and get depressed. Usually a good mystery. I force myself to interact with the cashier and at least one other person in the store, and usually go home feeling much better.

As far as people not being 100% happy with you, so what? Join the human race. No one is perfect. Just do the best you can while youre depressed, and cut yourself some slack if youre not bouncing around like Pollyanna.

Lots of hugs to you! Take care of yourself.