[curlydee]

no one understands...i can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. life just sucks. why am i still bothering with fighting this depression. even if it does eventually get beter, i'll be living life in constant fear of when it will come back again. it's just a mater of time - it will come back...it aways does. i want to curl up in a ball and be left alone. i dread everything - work next week, time with family, trying to ignore the pain my thoughts bring long enough to be able to fall asleep... it would be so much beter to not bother with life anymore - but i don't want to cause my family and husband all of that pain. my husband is the only good in my life. i love him - but he just doesn't understand. no one does! how can they!?! heck-i don't undestand it. it doesn't mater how much i see my psychologist or how much medication i take...it just never ends! it never will...

[Junerain]

Hugs to you I understand

What kinds of things, or interests, tend to make you feel better?

[curlydee]

it seems like the only things that are somewhat of an escape is tv with my husband and eating - but after i eat i feel guilty for eating too much - left over feelings of being made to feel guilty about my weight as a child. i don't think anything is a real escape. i have an hour drive each way from work alone with my thoughts - pure hell! i try the radio and talking on the phone..no help. why is this happening to me - am i such a horrible person? I HATE LIFE!

[Leed]

NO you are NOT a horrible person! I understand what you're going thru. I remember times like that in years past. Thank God for counseling!!!! It DOES help -- just make sure you're completely open & honest about what you tell your therapist. That's the only way they can help you.

And make sure you stay on your medication -- if it's not working, tell your doctor! He can make changes in it -- there are a lot of meds out there that might work better! But don't stop taking it!

I wish you the very best. Things WILL get better, I promise. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Marla500]

Originally Posted by curlydee

it seems like the only things that are somewhat of an escape is tv with my husband and eating - but after i eat i feel guilty for eating too much - left over feelings of being made to feel guilty about my weight as a child. i don't think anything is a real escape. i have an hour drive each way from work alone with my thoughts - pure hell! i try the radio and talking on the phone..no help. why is this happening to me - am i such a horrible person? I HATE LIFE!

You are not horrible! I can relate to this so much!! Its hard when you have other people to cook for...I try to teach them but nobody is really interested. I like to cook and eating always made me feel better when I was a kid. I was the only chubby one in the family and mom commented on it alot. over the holidays I spent way too much money on ingredients for stuff I wanted to make. I feel really guilty about that too. when I am not escaping by cooking or eating I am thinking of what to make next and feeling down.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by curlydee

no one understands...i can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. life just sucks. why am i still bothering with fighting this depression. even if it does eventually get beter, i'll be living life in constant fear of when it will come back again. it's just a mater of time - it will come back...it aways does.

I have kicked depression and I do not live in constant fear that it will return. And if it does, I know that my meds and my therapist will be able to help me.

I took eight years to beat it, and it was always ebbing and flowing. (Often ebbing in Summer and flowing in Winter.) It did come back, many, many times. But each time was just a little less painful. Each time I was just that little better able to cope. Each time I spotted it just a little quicker and acted a little sooner.

If there is a next time, I will be prepared.

[depressedalaskan]

Try taking your post to your doctor. Share what you have just said here with them. What you said is how I live also. Complete confussion.