I don't think I am "low acuity."

Anybody got some "will" I can borrow?

I have prescriptions ready and waiting to be picked up. There is often a long wait at the pharmacy. I have to be there before long, or I will run out of some meds this weekend. It is hard to make myself go out. I'm trying to think of what I could find to look forward to in getting dressed and getting in the car and going to get the meds.

Well, one of them makes me feel improved pretty quickly - so, if I go and get it, then I can come back and take it - and, maybe, feel better. Also, while I am out, maybe I could stop and walk around somewhere. (Not too interested in that.) Well, first reason is pretty good.

I'm posting my thoughts on this to see if that helps me to get going. So very, very hard to move.

I will put on some clothes. If I do it, I can come back and go to bed, if I want. Yes, I am talking to myself . . . trying to cajole myself into taking care of myself, and finding it so difficult to care.

Well - I got the meds. Going out didn't perk me up, like it usually does.

good for you for going out....

They changed my start day at the job from Monday to Tuesday. So now I could invite my dearest friend over to watch the Super Bowl at my house. I have hi-def TV: he doesn't.

The place is a mess, and I am afraid I can't get the place picked-up enough to be able to invite him. This, as all long-term true depressives will know, is the nitty grity of what depression does to one's life. I am not who I used to be able to be. I am afraid to commit to anything for fear that I'll fail to do what would be involved in keeping the promise.

I've gone to apathy, as an escape from fear. It's like being unable to do anything. I was going to say it's like being paralyzed; but that would be to blaspheme against the mercy that had been shown me - who really can walk okay and use my arms and hands. I feel disgraced, thinking of the courage of others without soundness of body and limb, who do the best they can and patiently endure their limitations, but accomplish more than I do - so much more than I do.