Feeling low

I had a few good weeks, the cloud had lifted and I thought finally it was behind me and I was going to be free of it.

Then a load of pressures IRL started to increase, financial, family, work, house and I decided to cancel some T appointments to save money. At that point I was feeling OK, but when the pressures at work increased I ended up e-mailing my T and we did have a session 10 days ago.

I know I am very low right now, I am even aware of a complete slump physically. I feel like I am stuck in life and it is hard to get myself back on track. Then today my mother called me and told me the doctor thinks my dad has cancer. I have a very difficult relationship with my father, but it just feels like there will now be even more demands on me emotionally and I have no capacity left.

I have not been posting on PC so much since feeling like this, but instead posted on another forum for low mood, but that was making me feel more low.

So part of the reason I have decided to post here is to acknowledge that I do shut off from people when life is hard for me and I am trying to do it differently by posting on a site that I have been a member of for a while. Part of me doesn't want to share this, wants to hide away, but I guess at the end of the day this is an anonymous site and I don't have to face you all in the flesh.

(((Soup)))
I had just been thinking about you this morning and realizing that I haven't seen any posts from you lately. There are some PC posters that I am used to "seeing" and when they're missing, I do wonder. Thanks for the update.
I hope that the weight of all that you are going through lightens soon, meanwhile I will send caring thoughts and prayers across the internet universe.

Peace!
Bluemountains

Soup

You're under so much strain at the moment and it can seem so hard to see a way through. You're in my thoughts, wishing you strength and love. Don't shut yourself away and be alone in all this, there are people here who have missed you

Soup

Sorry that you're going through a really rough time right now. Please don't isolate yourself--even if you just come here and have a good online cry, we'll listen.

I'm sorry your having a rough time right now . (((hugs)))
I'm so sorry to hear about your father. That is a lot to deal with on top of everything else...
I hope things start looking up soon...

I was really hoping to get 2011 out of the way and look forward to a better 2012 and now this with my father has happened. Obviously this is impacting on my mum as well as she is the only person I have IRL that I share even a small bit of what goes on for me - now I feel it will be unfair of me to share any of my stuggles with her - my father will be her focus and quite rightly so.

I don't remember if I have ever posted all that has happened to me in the last 7 years - you know that saying about a broken mirror and 7 years bad luck? Someone actually asked me the other week if I had broken a mirror - From my first son almost dying at birth,to my second baby being swapped (got him back), to my divorce, to having to sell my beloved horse and leaving my lovely home, to my ex sister in law making false accusations against my brother and getting him arrested, to him emigrating to the USA, to me being made redundant, to my father being seriously ill 3 years ago and us being called to the hospital on 3 separate occasions as they thought he was not going to make it, to my aunt dying 2 years ago, to my dog and Grandfather dying this year (my dog on the morning we were leaving for a holiday - was already having to cut the holiday short because of my Grandfathers funeral) and a whole host of things in between and before. So sometimes it really does feel that someone somewhere has it in for me - I have told T that it feels like an endurance test at times.

But thank-you all for your posts - it has helped knowing there are people out there and maybe it will help seeing my T on Tuesday.

((((soup))))

You have been through a lot but I don't think anyone has it in for you, Sometimes I think we just have bad luck, I know what you mean though I sit and think if I am cursed.

Take care my friend

Thanks Buttercup - it would just be great to have some nice stuff happen - you know a £25,000,000 lottery win or something similar, that should balance things

My head is a little clearer today and I realise my low mood right now is not helping in terms of not allowing myself to have a social life and some fun and a laugh. And when I try and get a better perspective on things, I know there is much in life for me to be thankful for - but also right now I would give up all my material possessions for some peace and contentment.

Thanks for your post - I really do appreciate it - hugs to you Buttercup

Thanks Fharraige - this post actually did make me cry - which was a good thing for me - it was like you gave me permission to. HUgs to you - Soup

Thank-you for being there last night Bluemountains - things seem a little less overwhelming today - hugs to you - Soup

Hugs and thanks to you Nellie - - Soup

Thanks vanessaG - things are brighter this morning - hugs to you - Soup

(((((((((((((Soup))))))))))))I adore your posts in Pods--an inspirational path for all of us to follow...you are so very strong.......The Path--is your path? Wonderfully written...made me cry and smile at your wisdom. And you just added Paul Coelho's "Burnt Light"--how lovely...you just keep giving us all some of you...my, you are a beautiful soul!!! To give when you are low...

So sad this is happening...I'll be praying extra hard for a better year in 2012!! for you and ((((((((Buffy the Miracle dog!)))))))))!

Stick with us...everyone on this thread so kind and caring...you are loved much here!!always....theo

Hi Theo - The Path was from Paulo Coelho too - he is an amazing writer isn't he.

Thanks for your kind words - I never forget Dionne's song, it is my little bit of medicine when things are tough - little Buffy is cuddled up with me right now, she is such a great dog..apart from when she bites my toes...ahhh!!

Love and hugs to you ((((Theo)))) - a new year looms, wonder what we will all be faced with to experience, to teach us more about ourselves.

Soup

Wow, Soup, thank you! I am so glad that you feeling better, even if it's a little, at least it is in the right direction!


Bluemountains

((((((((((((((( Soup )))))))))))))))